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Relationships

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Would this put you off a man?

126 replies

CubaLibre23 · 14/11/2023 19:20

First break abroad together.

He's a snorer, audible in space type snorer.

Only two local breaks before; one place had several rooms so fine. Other had only one bedroom; I suggested a blow up mattress in another room (for myself or him). He insisted on sleeping on it (one night) and complained in the morning that it deflated. He was mildly grumpy but not v noticeably so.

At one point I didn't feel like sex again and he went and wanked in the bathroom. He didn't make any attempt to disguise that's what he was doing. I felt like it was almost defiant/huffy. Found it a bit weird.

This break abroad .... One bed apartment in a hostel. Tried one night sleeping together, I couldn't really get any sleep. Hostel had some free rooms (bunk room, no-one else in it). Again I offered to sleep there, he wouldn't have it, insisted he did. Then next morning, he came back to the apartment just before 8am. I work full-time and was enjoying a lie in on holiday. He flung open the curtains as wide as possible, opened the windows and seemed to be in quite a temper. There was no explanation for it other than being pissed off at sleeping on a bunk in another room. (Again - I had offered to do that but he didn't accept).

He also complained in hearing of other people at the airport about how few times he had sex while there ... We had it once of twice. it was embarrassing and I got the impression it was meant to be, he didn't care. In retrospect I wish I'd been more assertive/sharp and said "not the time or place for this!". I was taken aback and didn't want to cause a scene at the time. The man behind us in the queue clocked we were having words, but I don't think he heard what he said/that he was referring to sex.

So there's the huffing and temper about sleeping arrangements... Even though he's the snorer and he insists on being the "gentleman" and giving me the bed.

Then there's the sexual behaviour/apparent snippiness about sex.

He is generally a reliable, available, committed boyfriend. I don't have a car ATM and public transport is not good where he lives so if there are no buses he's doing a lot of collecting and leaving me back at 40/45 mins one way.

Would these put you off?

OP posts:
HundredMilesAnHour · 14/11/2023 19:24

At one point I didn't feel like sex again and he went and wanked in the bathroom. He didn't make any attempt to disguise that's what he was doing.

This would be a dealbreaker for me. He's (literally) a tosser. 😜 You're allowed to turn him down and he should graciously accept it (even if he's frustrated/disappointed really). But to go and have a performance wank? At this early stage in a relationship, I think it's a bad sign.

MonsteraMama · 14/11/2023 19:26

Oh my god he sounds awful, all of this would put me so far off I'd end up on the surface of the sun.

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 14/11/2023 19:27

Jeepers op. I thought it was going to be one small thing. Its red flag bunting!

how the fuck did you even end up abroad after this disrespectful bullshit from him:
At one point I didn't feel like sex again and he went and wanked in the bathroom

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 14/11/2023 19:29

Essentially he is pressuing you for sex. He is behaving in a way that will make you think it is harder work to
not have sex with him.

the man is a fucking sex creep.

Tawlk · 14/11/2023 19:30

Yes most of those things would put me off, the only thing that wouldn’t put me off is snoring as that’s nothing to do with his personality and often can’t be helped! But I couldn’t be dealing with any sort of cranky bastard. Sounds like you could be walking on eggshells with him and it sounds like he ruined your holiday, hope you manage to get another one soon on your own or with someone new x

Ragwort · 14/11/2023 19:31

He sounds absolutely horrendous, if you only need him for transport surely you can book a taxi ... get rid.

Catsafterme · 14/11/2023 19:31

That there be a wrongun, don't go there.

CubaLibre23 · 14/11/2023 19:31

HundredMilesAnHour · 14/11/2023 19:24

At one point I didn't feel like sex again and he went and wanked in the bathroom. He didn't make any attempt to disguise that's what he was doing.

This would be a dealbreaker for me. He's (literally) a tosser. 😜 You're allowed to turn him down and he should graciously accept it (even if he's frustrated/disappointed really). But to go and have a performance wank? At this early stage in a relationship, I think it's a bad sign.

Performance wank lol.

I cannot recall any bf doing something like that before.

I honestly wasn't sure what to think ... Does he not know I can hear him, does he not care, is he doing it on purpose in some huffy way?

OP posts:
Olika · 14/11/2023 19:31

Oh gosh I couldn't be bothered with all this drama

radiatordrama · 14/11/2023 19:32

Gross. Yes.

Nolongerlight · 14/11/2023 19:33

Yes.

whoisjoe · 14/11/2023 19:34

Yikes . Seems like he was expecting a honeymoon type of break with a lot of sex - and huffing about not getting what he wanted . Run!

Grimchmas · 14/11/2023 19:35

CubaLibre23 · 14/11/2023 19:31

Performance wank lol.

I cannot recall any bf doing something like that before.

I honestly wasn't sure what to think ... Does he not know I can hear him, does he not care, is he doing it on purpose in some huffy way?

Of course he knew. That's why he had a go at you about something very private in public, and why he performatively left to sleep in the other room both times then took it out on you. He's getting off on making you feel degraded)/embarrassed/ashamed.

There is no way you should be sticking around for this shit.

Sillysoppysentimental · 14/11/2023 19:36

Why did you book a one bed hostel after the previous two experiences?
If you didn't want sex.. why go to the bathroom to wank? Would it have hurt to do it with you?
Once or twice? Can't you remember how many times you had sex on holiday?
It works both ways.
I just think you're not that into him.

CubaLibre23 · 14/11/2023 19:36

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 14/11/2023 19:27

Jeepers op. I thought it was going to be one small thing. Its red flag bunting!

how the fuck did you even end up abroad after this disrespectful bullshit from him:
At one point I didn't feel like sex again and he went and wanked in the bathroom

I wasn't 100% sure he knew it was obvious.

But now I'm thinking it was some kind of defiant/huffy thing.

I don't know what he thinks the benefit of that would be; it wouldn't make me have sex if I didn't want to and him wanking in a bathroom doesn't exactly make him sexy to me.

OP posts:
BeenRoundThatBlock · 14/11/2023 19:36

I reckon he was cross about sleeping in the other room because it shut off the possibility of sex. This is all the same issue - he expects sex on tap and sulks / huff-wanks like a teenager when it doesn't happen.

PurpleSubmarine · 14/11/2023 19:38
red flag 24hnbr GIF by ADAC TOTAL 24h Nürburgring

Run

Epidote · 14/11/2023 19:39

I would recommend to leave him and save the money of those noisy/ boring
holidays to buy a car.

So the answer is yes, it would put me off.

MusicAndPassionWereAlwaysTheFashion · 14/11/2023 19:40

Fucking hell. You really need some self respect.
He’s a wanker - literally.

CubaLibre23 · 14/11/2023 19:40

why he performatively left to sleep in the other room both times then took it out on you

I think he genuinely felt he had to be the "gentleman".

But he clearly can't be, without huffing/getting pissed off.

OP posts:
WhatFreshHell1 · 14/11/2023 19:41

He sounds absolutely vile. Run for the hills and don’t look back. Don’t waste any more time on this prick.

Welshexplorer36 · 14/11/2023 19:41

What’s the next step OP? Obvs agree with ALL the other comments!

CubaLibre23 · 14/11/2023 19:42

Epidote · 14/11/2023 19:39

I would recommend to leave him and save the money of those noisy/ boring
holidays to buy a car.

So the answer is yes, it would put me off.

I paid for the first breaks accommodation - £250.

He paid for the second.

We split the third, I paid a couple of hundred max.for flights.

I'll look for a four hundred quid car and keep you posted.

OP posts:
ReadySalty · 14/11/2023 19:42

He can't help snoring, but none of the other stuff is in any way acceptable.

Throw him in the bin and block him.

Yuk.

Missingmyusername · 14/11/2023 19:42

The snoring wouldn’t, if he was a lovely guy but he isn’t.
The wanking would be the end of it.
The argument in public would be the end of it.
The sulking yuck.