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Would this put you off a man?

126 replies

CubaLibre23 · 14/11/2023 19:20

First break abroad together.

He's a snorer, audible in space type snorer.

Only two local breaks before; one place had several rooms so fine. Other had only one bedroom; I suggested a blow up mattress in another room (for myself or him). He insisted on sleeping on it (one night) and complained in the morning that it deflated. He was mildly grumpy but not v noticeably so.

At one point I didn't feel like sex again and he went and wanked in the bathroom. He didn't make any attempt to disguise that's what he was doing. I felt like it was almost defiant/huffy. Found it a bit weird.

This break abroad .... One bed apartment in a hostel. Tried one night sleeping together, I couldn't really get any sleep. Hostel had some free rooms (bunk room, no-one else in it). Again I offered to sleep there, he wouldn't have it, insisted he did. Then next morning, he came back to the apartment just before 8am. I work full-time and was enjoying a lie in on holiday. He flung open the curtains as wide as possible, opened the windows and seemed to be in quite a temper. There was no explanation for it other than being pissed off at sleeping on a bunk in another room. (Again - I had offered to do that but he didn't accept).

He also complained in hearing of other people at the airport about how few times he had sex while there ... We had it once of twice. it was embarrassing and I got the impression it was meant to be, he didn't care. In retrospect I wish I'd been more assertive/sharp and said "not the time or place for this!". I was taken aback and didn't want to cause a scene at the time. The man behind us in the queue clocked we were having words, but I don't think he heard what he said/that he was referring to sex.

So there's the huffing and temper about sleeping arrangements... Even though he's the snorer and he insists on being the "gentleman" and giving me the bed.

Then there's the sexual behaviour/apparent snippiness about sex.

He is generally a reliable, available, committed boyfriend. I don't have a car ATM and public transport is not good where he lives so if there are no buses he's doing a lot of collecting and leaving me back at 40/45 mins one way.

Would these put you off?

OP posts:
MrsWhites · 14/11/2023 21:47

Nothing says ‘ick’ more than storming off for a sulky wank!!

I’d have gotten rid after that!

CopperLion · 14/11/2023 21:48

Definite red flags here. I’m confused by the separate rooms though. Are you having sex but unwilling to share a bed overnight? Or have I misunderstood something?

CubaLibre23 · 14/11/2023 21:50

localnotail · 14/11/2023 21:39

OP, he sounds horrendous. Also, how old is he? I get real late middle age vibes here.

I can guarantee all his "gentlemen" stuff - including lifts etc - is what he thinks he has to do at this stage, like a set or rules he is expected to follow. Probably reluctantly. In return, he expects you to have sex with him and generally to pander to his needs. If you don't do what he expects - and what he thinks he deserves to get - he punishes you, by making you feel embarrassed and degraded, by publicly berating you for the lack of sex, by making you see that you can be replaced with a wank, by not letting you have a lie in. Believe me, it will get worse - and I would say its definitely not something that can be compensated by some cheap holiday and lifts. He is vile. Wanking and waking me up early on a holiday would mean the end for me, for sure.

He's 45.

OP posts:
CubaLibre23 · 14/11/2023 21:53

CopperLion · 14/11/2023 21:48

Definite red flags here. I’m confused by the separate rooms though. Are you having sex but unwilling to share a bed overnight? Or have I misunderstood something?

It's the snoring. End up sleeping separately no matter what.

When Dylan Moran said a snorer he knew sounded like rhinos fucking in a vat of crisps..... Well that's mild in comparison to him.

OP posts:
Jane0Jane · 14/11/2023 21:55

This is early days. This is him on BEST BEHAVIOUR.
Ditch him

Loubelle70 · 14/11/2023 21:59

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 14/11/2023 21:39

I didn't even get to the end of the post and I was put off! Life's too short for this nonsense. He can't help the snoring, but can definitely help the rest of his behaviour. Run for the hills!

Tbh a lot of men don't actually try to sort their snoring out...some can be sorted. its case that it doesn't bother them (because theyre asleep!)...its the poor partner that suffers. IF he has tried all avenues and the snoring continues then yes theres not much can be done..but he has to try to better this, for the partners sake who has sleepless nights. Snoring can be helped in some instances.

Neverendingstory2 · 14/11/2023 22:01

yuck.

FictionalCharacter · 14/11/2023 22:10

MonsteraMama · 14/11/2023 19:26

Oh my god he sounds awful, all of this would put me so far off I'd end up on the surface of the sun.

Yep.

QueenBitch666 · 14/11/2023 22:11

Grim 🤮

Pinkpinkpink15 · 14/11/2023 22:27

I'd have strangled him with the curtains!

I don't sleep much or well so anyone waking me up had better be on fire or bleeding out.

OhComeOnFFS · 14/11/2023 23:21

He's 45 and he's moaning about lack of sex within earshot in an airport?

No. You can do better than this.

theresastormcoming · 15/11/2023 00:07

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Planesmistakenforstars · 15/11/2023 07:44

He had a tantrum wank, he punished you for not having sex by waking you in the morning, he punished you again by talking loudly about lack of sex. Is "would it put you off?" some kind of trick question? But yes, it would. I would find being alone in a cave on the moon for the rest of my life infinitely more attractive than dating him. The snoring would be the least bothersome part about him, since he'd be asleep rather than mantrumming all over the place.

Treacletoots · 15/11/2023 09:09

You sound lovely OP. He doesn't.

There's plenty sorry, some other men out there who aren't sulky emotionally immature wankers. Failing that, being single is indefinitely preferable to compromising your life tolerating the needs of this man child.

Get a dog. Much better company 😌 👌

SamW98 · 15/11/2023 09:21

Christ on a bike. I’d have packed my bags there and then while he had his anger wank. What a fucking treat he sounds.

Neelsplace · 15/11/2023 09:26

I think a gentleman doesn’t intentionally wank loudly in the bathroom. Bin him.

CubaLibre23 · 15/11/2023 09:37

You're missing the point a little. If he doesn't give lifts, he won't get ANY sex. He doesn't sound like he's doing it out of the goodness of his heart.

Not really.

The point made was that he was doing all the driving/lifting and leaving off; because he gets sex out of it.

The reality is he didn't get sex for months and doesn't get sex every time we see each other so it would be a decidedly bad deal if he was doing it to get sex. He'd be better getting it with his ex, a 10 minute drive away, who still messages him.

I'm just commenting on that particular theory; not on the general feasibility of a relationship with him.

OP posts:
CubaLibre23 · 15/11/2023 09:40

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

It's interesting to hear someone has experienced similar behaviour.

I've never had things like this from a previous partner.

OP posts:
CubaLibre23 · 15/11/2023 09:42

Even the huffy wanking, though he did more of a pitiful puppy dog eyes version complete with loud sighing.

Sorry, I missed this - are you saying he did puppy dog eyed, sighing wanking near you?!

OP posts:
HundredMilesAnHour · 15/11/2023 09:42

So why are you still with him @CubaLibre23 ?

MrsSkylerWhite · 15/11/2023 09:44

Get rid.

SparklingSparkle · 15/11/2023 09:44

Oh my!
He sounds awful.

Thatladdo · 15/11/2023 09:49

Nothing quite like a defiant wank to spoil the atmosphere 🙄

He cant* help snoring but he can help not doing anything about it, be it loose weight, surgery or whatever.

Chonkadoodle · 15/11/2023 09:57

I wouldn’t care about the snoring, I’d get some wax earplugs.

The rest of it though? Yikes.

SwordToFlamethrower · 15/11/2023 10:18

A sex pest isn't attractive.

If he really wanted you to warm to him, he would be treating you like his queen and making you feel wonderful.

Instead he is acting like he is a toddler who can't have sweets.

Dump him. This will only get worse.

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