Would this put you off a man?

[CubaLibre23]

First break abroad together.

He's a snorer, audible in space type snorer.

Only two local breaks before; one place had several rooms so fine. Other had only one bedroom; I suggested a blow up mattress in another room (for myself or him). He insisted on sleeping on it (one night) and complained in the morning that it deflated. He was mildly grumpy but not v noticeably so.

At one point I didn't feel like sex again and he went and wanked in the bathroom. He didn't make any attempt to disguise that's what he was doing. I felt like it was almost defiant/huffy. Found it a bit weird.

This break abroad .... One bed apartment in a hostel. Tried one night sleeping together, I couldn't really get any sleep. Hostel had some free rooms (bunk room, no-one else in it). Again I offered to sleep there, he wouldn't have it, insisted he did. Then next morning, he came back to the apartment just before 8am. I work full-time and was enjoying a lie in on holiday. He flung open the curtains as wide as possible, opened the windows and seemed to be in quite a temper. There was no explanation for it other than being pissed off at sleeping on a bunk in another room. (Again - I had offered to do that but he didn't accept).

He also complained in hearing of other people at the airport about how few times he had sex while there ... We had it once of twice. it was embarrassing and I got the impression it was meant to be, he didn't care. In retrospect I wish I'd been more assertive/sharp and said "not the time or place for this!". I was taken aback and didn't want to cause a scene at the time. The man behind us in the queue clocked we were having words, but I don't think he heard what he said/that he was referring to sex.

So there's the huffing and temper about sleeping arrangements... Even though he's the snorer and he insists on being the "gentleman" and giving me the bed.

Then there's the sexual behaviour/apparent snippiness about sex.

He is generally a reliable, available, committed boyfriend. I don't have a car ATM and public transport is not good where he lives so if there are no buses he's doing a lot of collecting and leaving me back at 40/45 mins one way.

Would these put you off?

God he sounds hideous @CubaLibre23 Please do yourself a favour. Kick him to the kerb. He sound so passive aggressive and controlling and mardy and just awful! As a pp said, why on earth are you sticking with this man? Why is your bar set so low?

If mumsnet is anything to go by, some men really are ghastly and vile. If me and DH ever finish, (or he dies,) I will never bother with any other man! Some of them seem to be much worse than when I first met DH.

And you seem to have no opinions whatsoever which is why you're here questioning strangers as to whether a bloke manipulating you for sex is ok.

Good luck - I think you'll need it.

Because it’s a combination of everything isn’t it?

Not everyone wants to have sex all the time, not every partner causes tension because of it.

The fact he’s having a loud bathroom wank after you didn’t want sex is odd behaviour. By being loud and clearly masturbating next door, he is involving you in it after you already said you’re not in the mood. If he was respectful of you, he would have been discreet. It’s not hard to wank quietly is it, it’s something he’s probably been doing most of his life and has mastered, he knows how to be discreet and how to do it so others notice. Don’t give him more credit than necessary

even the snoring, everything about him screams look and me and my needs.

Mantrums lol

This is a 40 something father.

I suppose age sometimes does not mean maturity.

A huffy wank? Omg so gross. That would be the end for me. Cringe. He sounds absolutely awful.

Honestly that would give me the ick. I’m stunned it didn’t you.

It’s not hard to wank quietly is it

I lol'd.

He told me he wanks in the shower. Maybe that noise muffles him normally lol.

This was a lovely landmark trust property but the water wasn't heating properly so he hadn't the option of a shower (it was a shower over a claw foot tub).

(Before a certain poster comes back with further insults about my accommodation choices.

He is no good, sees sex as transactional and seems to think he is entitled to use you for his own pleasure and shames you for being an individual human who sometimes doesn't want to have sex just because he wants it.
He is the type of man that will escalate to sexual assault eventually.
Get rid of him now.

YES !!!!!!!

Do you really need to ask? He sounds awful on every level. Just ugh.

I wasn't sure he knew he could be heard.

I mean I think he was wanking. Hopefully he didn't put his back out, struggle to get up, not mention it because he didn't want to look decrepit etc.

I'm almost 100% sure he was wanking though. Especially now with the huffing about the sex on the break abroad.

Would these put you off?

YES

Having reread this I call fake post. How old are you OP? Unless you are under 20 or have self esteem issues you KNOW that on return fro the holiday you'd be callin time on this.

I hope it IS fake. No woman should be subjected to this appalling behaviour.

This.
I feel a life with him would be pretty joyless OP.

Nah even people under 20 can see this is odd behaviour, give them more credit. OP is just an outlier

Yep it would.
I wouldnt date him.
Stroppy about not getting sex ... repeatedly...is a bad sign. When he doesn't get what he wants, he strops...this can lead to him pressurizing you emotionally to keep the peace and giving into him eventually, which i think hes trying to do. That would be coercion.
The snoring too... yep ..i had a partner who snored and it was even heard every night by next doot neighbour! I was lucky to get 3 hours sleep a night. If he snores and won't do anything about it in long run, you should have the bed. But...id get rid asap. Hes a grumpy, selfish (sex) man and believe me, it doesn't get better

Yes, I bloody well would be put off.
Not the snoring, that is involuntary.
But ye gods, everything else you've described…

Angry revenge wanking is not a good sign either... Next thing it'll be him taking phone in bathroom with huff on to watch porn and have a wank... you...know...just to show you!

yeah the angry wanking is petty at best and creepy at worst - it puts pressure on you to comply else you’ll face his wrath

He sounds like an oaf.

The passive aggressive wanker is created...

It's rather irrelevant now, but he doesn't watch porn. One of the few.

He's the most IT illiterate person I've met and doesn't really go online. He said he's seen a couple of porn dvds or whatever over the years but they don't do much for him. He said he replays his last encounter/most memorable encounter with his partner to wank.

He is definitely an odd one; I've never had a bf who didn't use porn at least occasionally before; but I've never had a bf - apparently - wank in my earshot/obviously before (or be stroppy about not having sex before).

Oh wow he’s done a number on you! Even this sounds far fetched because it’s not an intensive IT task to open a browser, type something in and press play. IT literacy doesn’t come into it. He doesn’t “really” go online - he can go online then.