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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband doesn’t post about me on socials

121 replies

NeedHelp000 · 22/09/2023 20:30

strange topic but let me explain…..

my husband of 8 years has not posted anything about me on social media in about a year now.
No posts for my birthday, Mother’s Day, our anniversary. These are all things he used to always do so it bothers me that he doesn’t do it any more.

it may sound silly and I’m expecting a lot of people to tell me to stop being silly, but it bothers me and I want to talk to him about it.
he is active on social media and when he’s done posts about our kids, their birthdays or anything I’m never in any of the okie photos.

my question is….. how do I broach the subject?
thanks

OP posts:
tarheelbaby · 22/09/2023 20:37

Did he used to post about you? My DH works in tech but does not update his socials much. I would not expect to see myself tagged, much less posted, nor do I post about him much. He's a bit leery of the whole thing.
TBH, when people post about their other halves, I'm sceptical. It always seems forced and I wonder about the veracity. In general, men seem to post less about anything.

category12 · 22/09/2023 20:40

Have other things changed in his treatment of you/the relationship in the last year alongside this change in behaviour?

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 22/09/2023 20:56

he can wish you happy birthday in person, why would anyone do that on social media ?

Butterkist8 · 22/09/2023 20:57

Maybe he now doesn't feel that he needs to as you are well established.

I would be arguing, why are you so invested in his social media posting?

Does it mean so much to you? If so, why?

frenchfancy81 · 22/09/2023 20:57

tarheelbaby · 22/09/2023 20:37

Did he used to post about you? My DH works in tech but does not update his socials much. I would not expect to see myself tagged, much less posted, nor do I post about him much. He's a bit leery of the whole thing.
TBH, when people post about their other halves, I'm sceptical. It always seems forced and I wonder about the veracity. In general, men seem to post less about anything.

It says he used to...

Mummy2mybear · 22/09/2023 21:04

I really don't understand the social media thing 🤷

Pleaseme · 22/09/2023 21:08

I don’t get why you’d want him to wish you a happy birthday on social media or anything else.I assume you live together and he does these things in person?

category12 · 22/09/2023 21:21

Pleaseme · 22/09/2023 21:08

I don’t get why you’d want him to wish you a happy birthday on social media or anything else.I assume you live together and he does these things in person?

I think the point that bothers OP is that this is a change in behaviour. He used to post about their relationship/her but now doesn't, yet his usage of SM hasn't changed in other ways.

It doesn't really matter what you think about use of social media, it's what was normal for him changing.

HoraceTheLlama · 22/09/2023 21:22

Most people don’t even realise I have a partner of 20 years as I don’t post about him on social media. I find it weird, I live with him why do I need to wish him happy birthday on there? I tell him to his face

PinkRoses1245 · 22/09/2023 21:24

Why does he have to wish you happy birthday etc, on social media, presuming he does privately. If he doesn’t post much nowadays, then you can’t rally complain. I used to post a lot on social media but barely do now

WandaWonder · 22/09/2023 21:26

Is the reason you want other people to think he loves you?

This sounds needy, maybe he realised doing it before was not a good idea?

Are you questioning him wanting to be with you and want attention?

StarDolphins · 22/09/2023 21:26

The people I know that don’t post on SM to wish their OH happy birthday/anniversary are the most solid & stable.

The ones cooing wishing ‘their world’ a happy birthday (whilst sat right next to them) are the ones that are pervs, having affairs or treat them not v well ime.

Confidently & quietly getting on with life privately imo is far better.

YourMommaWasASnowblower · 22/09/2023 21:26

I would think it’s because he does it in person so doesn’t need to do it on social media. Unless you are one of those couples who communicate by text when you are in the same room together I wouldn’t worry about it.

WandaWonder · 22/09/2023 21:26

HoraceTheLlama · 22/09/2023 21:22

Most people don’t even realise I have a partner of 20 years as I don’t post about him on social media. I find it weird, I live with him why do I need to wish him happy birthday on there? I tell him to his face

Same, if my husband posted about me on social media I would ask him to stop

Nandocushion · 22/09/2023 21:27

category12 · 22/09/2023 21:21

I think the point that bothers OP is that this is a change in behaviour. He used to post about their relationship/her but now doesn't, yet his usage of SM hasn't changed in other ways.

It doesn't really matter what you think about use of social media, it's what was normal for him changing.

Show quote history

This is what stands out to me too. It's a change from how he used to be. Have there been other changes, OP? Do you know who follows him, have there been new additions?

Stardustkid · 22/09/2023 21:29

Ask him why he’s stopped, if it bothers you

CherrySocks · 22/09/2023 21:29

The OP is asking how to broach the subject with her partner.

You could say - I've notice you don't post about me now - is there a reason?

CornishTiger · 22/09/2023 21:31

Does he react if you tag him in a post you post.

itsmyp4rty · 22/09/2023 21:35

Is he specifically choosing photos that you're not in to put up on his SM? If so in combination with suddenly stopping putting anything about your birthday/Mother's day etc i'd be concerned that he wants to look like a single dad for someone else's benefit. My OH of 25 years never put me on his SM, I thought it was because he wasn't that bothered about it, turned out he just wanted to appear single to the people he worked with.

SoRainbowRhythms · 22/09/2023 21:36

Nor does mine. Doesn't bother me. He tells me to my face and makes a fuss in person.

MsChatterbox · 22/09/2023 21:36

I would say something like, do you remember when you used to write posts for birthdays etc. Is there a reason you stopped?

Adreno · 22/09/2023 21:37

I’ve been with my husband for over twenty years and, if you looked at our social media accounts, you wouldn’t know either of us were in a relationship at all.

What’s bothering you about it, OP? Are you suspicious that he’s suddenly trying to “hide” you?

sonicsspeedchallenge · 22/09/2023 21:38

They way people use social media has changed over the years, Facebook in particular used to be a place where people posted thing they wouldn't dream about posting now. People used to interact in each others posts and comments and people used to react a lot more than they do. It could juts be down to the natural shift in usage.

1983Louise · 22/09/2023 21:39

You're a grown up, social media isn't real, my husband hasn't even got a mobile phone, stop being silly.............

BubziOwl · 22/09/2023 21:39

itsmyp4rty · 22/09/2023 21:35

Is he specifically choosing photos that you're not in to put up on his SM? If so in combination with suddenly stopping putting anything about your birthday/Mother's day etc i'd be concerned that he wants to look like a single dad for someone else's benefit. My OH of 25 years never put me on his SM, I thought it was because he wasn't that bothered about it, turned out he just wanted to appear single to the people he worked with.

Exactly this. I don't get why posters are deliberately missing the point here (well, I do actually. Any mention of social media goes down like this on mumsnet).

My husband has never posted about me, though his profile is clear that we're together. Mine however could definitely seem like I was single as we just never post about each other. But that's the way it's always been - I would certainly want to understand and be suspicious of the reason in the OP's scenario where her husband's behaviour has changed.