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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband doesn’t post about me on socials

121 replies

NeedHelp000 · 22/09/2023 20:30

strange topic but let me explain…..

my husband of 8 years has not posted anything about me on social media in about a year now.
No posts for my birthday, Mother’s Day, our anniversary. These are all things he used to always do so it bothers me that he doesn’t do it any more.

it may sound silly and I’m expecting a lot of people to tell me to stop being silly, but it bothers me and I want to talk to him about it.
he is active on social media and when he’s done posts about our kids, their birthdays or anything I’m never in any of the okie photos.

my question is….. how do I broach the subject?
thanks

OP posts:
Tangledbaby · 22/09/2023 21:41

He wants to appear single.

a guy I know used to ‘like’ all my pics and send various flirty emojis on mine and other girls socials, like a ‘wink’ emoji or whatever. There was 0 sign of him being in a relationship. He posted stories on instagram most days with mates and stuff. As he posted semi regularly but with 0 signs of women (plus liking all mine and other women’s pics) I just thought he was a single guy.

Anyway one day he was tagged on Facebook at a wedding… HIS wedding! He’d been in a serious relationship for like 7 years! Me and my friends couldn’t believe it. If you went on her socials there was lots of pictures with him and a relationship status set to ‘engaged’, on his there was 0! She’d even posted a long spiel about their engagement and everything.

He must have in un-tagged himself or ‘hidden’ everything with her in on his socials! He’d even gone travelling around Australia with her, yet on his socials it looked like a solo trip! Not a single picture of her/them but he posted regularly pics of him and him with others he’d met out there. On hers there was loads of them travelling.

He clearly wanted to appear single. I wonder if he cheated. He was clearly trying too.

Anyways, apologies for the long response. Basically I think he wants to make out he’s now single for whatever reason that’s likely to do with other women.

shivawn · 22/09/2023 21:41

sonicsspeedchallenge · 22/09/2023 21:38

They way people use social media has changed over the years, Facebook in particular used to be a place where people posted thing they wouldn't dream about posting now. People used to interact in each others posts and comments and people used to react a lot more than they do. It could juts be down to the natural shift in usage.

This. I see people posting this kind of thing (wishing wife happy mother's day, happy anniversary etc) a lot less on social media than they used to in general. I know there was a time when my husband and I would both put happy anniversary messages to each other on Facebook every single year but wouldn't dream of doing it now.

Gcsunnyside23 · 22/09/2023 21:47

Has other behaviour changed? If he normally did and is still active in posting to FB then he could be trying to appear single. Does he post happy birthday to others or in friends pages?

catsnhats11 · 22/09/2023 21:47

(nearly) everyone is missing the point! He's still using SM but is now omitting his wife from posts. OP as someone else suggested, how does he react if you tag him? Do you think he wants to appear single?

happygertie · 22/09/2023 21:49

I think it issue is the change, esp if he continues to posts about the children. It could feel like he is pretending she doesn't exist for some reason.

CornishTiger · 22/09/2023 21:49

@catsnhats11 exactly what I think. We are only together for the children like being peddled somewhere.

saraclara · 22/09/2023 21:52

Maybe he came to the realisation that it's naff.
I'm completely bemused by spouses/partners who wish their other halves Happy Birthday etc on SM. It seems really odd when they actually live with them, and reasonably or not, I find it immature, or needy, or attention seeking.

He probably just grew up a bit. But yep. Just ask him?

BCCoach · 22/09/2023 21:53

The way people use social media has changed and it also changes as they get older. I look back 5-10 years ago and I used to post updates basically every day, and certainly checked in every where when travelling, parties, get togethers etc. Now I basically never bother and only use Facebook for special interest groups (hobbies etc). Same goes for pretty much everyone I know.

SallyWD · 22/09/2023 22:03

category12 · 22/09/2023 21:21

I think the point that bothers OP is that this is a change in behaviour. He used to post about their relationship/her but now doesn't, yet his usage of SM hasn't changed in other ways.

It doesn't really matter what you think about use of social media, it's what was normal for him changing.

Show quote history

But nearly everyone I know has changed the way they post on social media. I know lots of people who were really active and always posting who have now stopped posting at all.
Also lots of people have just calmed down a bit. If I look at my Facebook posts from a few years ago, I cringe! Now I barely post and would be too embarrassed to post gushing things about DH.
It's perfectly fine to change your SM habits.

category12 · 22/09/2023 22:15

SallyWD · 22/09/2023 22:03

But nearly everyone I know has changed the way they post on social media. I know lots of people who were really active and always posting who have now stopped posting at all.
Also lots of people have just calmed down a bit. If I look at my Facebook posts from a few years ago, I cringe! Now I barely post and would be too embarrassed to post gushing things about DH.
It's perfectly fine to change your SM habits.

Show quote history

Your argument would make sense if it extended to all his behaviour on SM.

But it seems strange and specific to continue posting about the children's birthdays etc in the same way he always has, but no longer have OP in pictures or posting about her.

Why would he change only in this area?

Littlewhitecat · 22/09/2023 22:21

I always assume people who post birthday greetings etc about people i know they live with are having an affair or something 🤣. Why else would you bother with such a weird display of public acknowledgement

Nanny0gg · 22/09/2023 22:35

If I hadn't worked in a primary school for 20 years I'd think that inference and deduction hadn't ever been taught.

It doesn't matter what you use social media for
It doesn't matter that you don't post about your spouse or your marriage
It doesn't matter how you use it
And it doesn't matter if you never use it because you think it's rubbish

Her husband always posted events and special days about the OP
He still does that about his children
And he still uses SM a lot
So why not about her?

The OP is upset that there is a change and she's asking if she should be worried about it

And I think @NeedHelp000 you really need to ask him why because yes, I think it's odd

Hecate01 · 22/09/2023 22:38

@Nanny0gg 👏🏻

I was thinking the exact same thing reading through the thread.

Pebblesontheside · 22/09/2023 22:46

There are a handful of men who regularly slide into my DM’s, put fire emojis on my selfies etc - who post soppy posts on their socials every other day about how much they love their wife/partner.
My own DH, who I trust implicitly, rarely posts and never mentions me on his. Don’t use social media as a barometer of how trustworthy men are.

ilikeeggs · 22/09/2023 22:47

I don’t want to worry you but my ex used to tag me and put pictures of me on FB and then suddenly stopped. It turns out he stopped when a woman from his past got in touch with him which then turned into an affair. She knew he was a in a relationship but I think he wanted it to appear that we didn’t do anything together and we were only together for the kids.

Ithh · 22/09/2023 22:50

If you want to know, just mention it. It might be he has had the piss ripped out of him by mates or something. Could be anything

Universitynewbie · 22/09/2023 22:55

BubziOwl · 22/09/2023 21:39

Exactly this. I don't get why posters are deliberately missing the point here (well, I do actually. Any mention of social media goes down like this on mumsnet).

My husband has never posted about me, though his profile is clear that we're together. Mine however could definitely seem like I was single as we just never post about each other. But that's the way it's always been - I would certainly want to understand and be suspicious of the reason in the OP's scenario where her husband's behaviour has changed.

Show quote history

Exactly this. The OP isn't asking for opinions on whether people are bothered if their partner posts about them or not.

It is the change in behaviour that is worrying her.

I would be suspicious of the change to be honest (I personally don't want anyone posting about me on social media but if that was the norm in a relationship then it changed I would want to know why)

Sunshinenrain · 22/09/2023 23:13

No posts for my birthday, Mother’s Day, our anniversary.

I didn’t even realise people still did this.

Perhaps he’s just not that into SM and would rather say it to your face.

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 22/09/2023 23:24

I don't post half as much on socials as l used to - the novelty has well and truly worn off

TheGoodBanana · 22/09/2023 23:32

Nanny0gg · 22/09/2023 22:35

If I hadn't worked in a primary school for 20 years I'd think that inference and deduction hadn't ever been taught.

It doesn't matter what you use social media for
It doesn't matter that you don't post about your spouse or your marriage
It doesn't matter how you use it
And it doesn't matter if you never use it because you think it's rubbish

Her husband always posted events and special days about the OP
He still does that about his children
And he still uses SM a lot
So why not about her?

The OP is upset that there is a change and she's asking if she should be worried about it

And I think @NeedHelp000 you really need to ask him why because yes, I think it's odd

This ^^

It really makes me mad when people deliberately miss the point because they want to signal how superior they are that they never use social media or post about partners. You don't look superior, you look like you lack reading comprehension skills.

The OPs husband has changed his usual behaviour and that is the fact that needs to be addressed.

OP tag him in loads of pics and see what he does. Get someone else to check if they can see them or if the audience is set to just you and him.

WandaWonder · 22/09/2023 23:38

I do things differently than I did 5 years ago or even a few years ago and will do so in the future, it seems is so much better to come up with dramatic stories for something that clay be as simple as he has chosen not?

Does anyone just do something just because on here or is there always some saga behind everything?

WandaWonder · 22/09/2023 23:42

Your priorities are all wrong a decent home life is all a child needs

CharlotteRumpling · 22/09/2023 23:42

Maybe he has finally come to his senses

WandaWonder · 23/09/2023 00:21

WandaWonder · 22/09/2023 23:42

Your priorities are all wrong a decent home life is all a child needs

This post was accidentally on the wrong thread

beenwhereyouare · 23/09/2023 00:21

SallyWD · 22/09/2023 22:03

But nearly everyone I know has changed the way they post on social media. I know lots of people who were really active and always posting who have now stopped posting at all.
Also lots of people have just calmed down a bit. If I look at my Facebook posts from a few years ago, I cringe! Now I barely post and would be too embarrassed to post gushing things about DH.
It's perfectly fine to change your SM habits.

Show quote history

You're still missing the point! OP said her DH continues posting the same way about the children that he always has. It's her (his wife) that he's stopped posting about, and is only putting up family photos that she's not in.

He's only changed his SM behavior in relation to his wife. I would ask him about it because it IS odd.

Actually, my rant is directed to all the posters that are deliberately ignoring the reason she started the thread: It's beyond strange and preachy that so many of you jumped in to criticize the use of SM. It's the CHANGE she is questioning, not how YOU use SM or your opinion of it in general. Stop being so snide.