Long affair

[Rosiepetalx]

I have been seeing a married man for 4 years. He is obviously not happy at home. I need to end it but love him. Do I give him an ultimatum

That’s quite funny.

He could leave. People do it every day, regardless of circumstances. He is choosing not to, because he is happier as things are. He doesn’t want to be with you as a permanent partner.

You are someone who will have sex with him. You aren’t better for him than his wife. You aren’t better than his wife, which is why he isn’t leaving her.

I know OW believe they have something the wife doesn’t, that they must be special, but it’s not true. Because he would be with you, if that was the case.

He wouldn't be otherwise he would have left. He wants the best of both worlds.

He stays out of duty.

Why did you decide to start shagging married man? 😕

I refuse to believe any 30 year old is this gullible!

Right now, he has few options. It's hard to meet women willing to sleep with him.
If he left his wife he could play the field, meet more women, maybe upgrade again.

He isn't going to leave for you. If he wanted to, he would already have done it. Men are like that, they do what they want.

Lol, sure he does! 😂😂

He's only using you for sex. Wake the hell up! He's telling you what he thinks you want to hear so he can keep jumping in your bed. Put this slimy toad back into the murky pond he came from. Cheater's are expert actors and liars of course!

He obviously is happy at home as he’s still there.

You love him but he obviously doesn't love you 🤷‍♀️ he's going home to someone else every night...you're just seconds in his eyes.. who would actually want this for themselves

Do you get to spend the weekend or the night with him?

He obviously doesn't think so, or he would be with you

Why would he leave his wife when he has got 4 years of a comfortable home life and a bit on the side, who hangs on his every word, for a nice ego boost.

If he wanted to leave his wife for you, he'd have done it.

I expect he spins you as many lies as he spins for the wife. Tell ‘em what they want to hear women are such mugs. A man so honourable as doing his duty would not be cheating on his wife. I bet he is doing his duty with her regularly enough . Sorry you are wasting your time here. I know a woman who shagged someone else’s husband for over 10 years he still hasn’t left the wife. You need to decide how many years of your life are you prepared to gamble away. Said woman I know is now past her child bearing years. Saddo.

This reminds me of a woman I worked with who was having an affair with a colleague. She said he wouldn't leave his wife "because he's too honourable."😑

He's just not that into you...

This one is bit boring. Can you do a more interesting theme please? This one is so over done.

Funny how he stays out of duty but feels no duty to be faithful to the person he married. I guess he only feels duty where it's convenient - ie as an excuse to keep you dangling.
It doesn't seem like he's unhappy at all - why would he be, he gets to keep his family and his no doubt younger bit of fluff on the side. If you make him choose he will choose them over you every time, and there will always be a reason not to leave no matter how old the kids.

But in the kindest of ways... He doesn't. Or he would have left his wife well before now. And trust me from bitter experience, "once a cheat, always a cheat" is a saying for a reason. You would NEVER be able to fully trust him as he's spent four years showing you how little he values being faithful. End it. You might not think there's anyone better out there, but there really is. You deserve someone who loves you enough to actually be with you and commit.

Dear me. He doesn't stay out of duty, he stays because he has a nice comfortable family life and he also gets to shag you on the side. If he's not left after 4 years do you really think he has any intention of being with you?. If by some fluke he does leave it will probably be because his wife finds out & chucks him out. Then you may well win the booby prize of a man who is happy to lie & cheat. Is that really the prize you want? Do you not deserve better?

If you issue the ultimatum, what are you hoping to achieve? He leaves her and moves in with you?

What if he says no thanks, it was nice while it lasted, bye?

What happens if he says he won’t leave her but he still wants to carry on with you?

What happens if he says not yet, now isn’t the right time?

How long are you prepared to wait?

I’m guessing your affair currently consists of the adrenaline and excitement of planning the elicit encounters and only snatching the best bits of each other, making the effort, possibly you being a sounding board for all his marital woes, without the mundane realities and practicalities of life and living together.

But I say yes, issue the ultimatum and take it from there.

Giving him an ultimatum will likely result in him finding someone else to be"happier" with while remaining with his wife.

He knows that you can leave at anytime. Your ultimatum will only serve to let him know that your shelf life has expired.

What is appealing about someone who goes home to the woman about whom he spends so much time complaining? Wouldn't it be better to find a man who is legally and morally free?

Good question. OP?

Until he starts 'working late ' and 'working away' ...will you be so gullible then?

He obviously doesn't agree.