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Original poster

Long affair

131 replies

Rosiepetalx · 29/01/2023 17:55

I have been seeing a married man for 4 years. He is obviously not happy at home. I need to end it but love him. Do I give him an ultimatum

OP posts:
Landndialamrhf · 29/01/2023 19:23

Rosiepetalx · 29/01/2023 18:17

He stays out of duty.

What a saint.
get a grip

barmesunday · 29/01/2023 19:24

I don't get how it's easy to have an affair for four years and for nobody to notice. I'm not talking about his wife noticing. He's probably very good at being two-faced. I mean people who know him or his wife and noticing his parked car outside OP's place if that's where they meet, or them being seen together often if they go out.

YukoandHiro · 29/01/2023 19:25

When a man leaves his wife for his mistress it creates a vacancy... he'll only be happier with you until you become the "nagging wife". He's already shown you that he's unable to commit by having an affair with you.

You are only 30. Leave him regardless and find a relationship with a man who respects you and treats all women as equals.

SoupDragon · 29/01/2023 19:27

Rosiepetalx · 29/01/2023 18:17

He stays out of duty.

Aw... bless.

what other myths do you believe?

Pardon44 · 29/01/2023 19:27

You are wasting your youth shagging a married man. You are a dirty secret wasting for someone else's left overs. If he leaves his wife your relationship will end with him up to his nuts in someone else while you are loving a lie. Stop lying to yourself. Stop waiting around for sloppy seconds. I'd prefer to be single than on the sidelines.

ancientpants · 29/01/2023 19:27

I'm ashamed to say that I did this and when his marriage ended he decided that exploring what was on offer on tinder was more exciting than me. Get out now.

ArcticSkewer · 29/01/2023 19:28

ancientpants · 29/01/2023 19:27

I'm ashamed to say that I did this and when his marriage ended he decided that exploring what was on offer on tinder was more exciting than me. Get out now.

I do think that's quite common but I'm sorry, it must have been painful

Tlittle · 29/01/2023 19:29

Nasty.

lunar1 · 29/01/2023 19:29

He stay's because he's ultimately happy with his wife and their life together. You are a bit of fun, and when you give your ultimatum he will move on to another fun affair.

RLScott · 29/01/2023 19:29

LozzaChops101 · 29/01/2023 18:29

This reminds me of a woman I worked with who was having an affair with a colleague. She said he wouldn't leave his wife "because he's too honourable."😑

😂 my word. I’d have burst out laughing at that comment.

ancientpants · 29/01/2023 19:31

@ArcticSkewer it was what I deserved, I was an idiot. And yes it was painful but I learned from it and moved on.

Throwncrumbs · 29/01/2023 19:31

Rosiepetalx · 29/01/2023 18:04

I know he would be happier with me

Dont delude yourself, when you have bills to pay and a lot of his money is going to the x wife and kids, and you are picking up his dirty washing it won’t be so romantic!

Keepfocused · 29/01/2023 19:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

barmycatmum · 29/01/2023 19:34

yes, give him an ultimatum, and please follow through. Be STRONG and rock solid about following through. If you say you’re leaving In a month, LEAVE IN A MONTH and block him EVERYWHERE.

this man is no good. He’s a lying predator, I can tell you that without ever meeting him.

Pebbles16 · 29/01/2023 19:35

Please wake up and leave him to his wife (I mean he will probably move on to someone else to shag, because that's him). He doesn't know the meeting of the word 'duty', because that is actually having an honest conversation and facing up to the difficulties.
For your sake, leave him. You are being strung along.
For his family's sake, leave him. No woman should do this to another.

Chooksnroses · 29/01/2023 19:38

Rosiepetalx · 29/01/2023 18:04

I know he would be happier with me

It's very easy to be happy with your bit on the side. Think about it. At home you have all the normal worries about bills, house maintenance, housework, children. With your other person there's none of that. It's an escape.
In the unlikely event that he leaves for you, you will be part of the drudgery of normal life...and perhaps someone he'll need an escape from?

Cocobutt · 29/01/2023 19:52

Do I give him an ultimatum

Why have you left it 4 years to give him an ultimatum?

Yes give him an ultimatum but I’m guessing you already know what his answer will be, else you would have done it 4 years ago.

Bellalalala · 29/01/2023 20:07

Rosiepetalx · 29/01/2023 18:17

He stays out of duty.

He stays out of choice. Because he wants to.

If ‘duty’ mean to do much to him, he wouldn’t be shagging you.

Your self worth is so low, you choose to believe him.

UnicornsDoExist · 29/01/2023 20:15

barmesunday · 29/01/2023 19:18

How on earth do you keep an affair secret for four years?!

I know two people who did. Guy was shagging his best friends brother’s wife for years! They did eventually got caught though.

Original poster
Rosiepetalx · 29/01/2023 20:40

I can't imagine life without him. We talk everyday

OP posts:
oswoldmont · 29/01/2023 20:43

Rosiepetalx · 29/01/2023 20:40

I can't imagine life without him. We talk everyday

How do you talk every day if he's married?

Pardon44 · 29/01/2023 20:44

Rosiepetalx · 29/01/2023 20:40

I can't imagine life without him. We talk everyday

Yeah in hushed corners. He whispers sweet nothings to you with the same mouth he kisses his wife and kids. Grow up and stop being so gullible.

DestinysGrandchild · 29/01/2023 20:48

Rosiepetalx · 29/01/2023 20:40

I can't imagine life without him. We talk everyday

I'm sure his wife says the same.

You're just as bad as he is and if anything, you deserve each other. But he's not going to leave his family. You're just his bit on the side.

Are you not embarrassed that you're a secret?

Original poster
Rosiepetalx · 29/01/2023 20:54

I'm not doing anything wrong

OP posts:
fairysimples · 29/01/2023 20:56

Why do you need to end it

I mean you've been shagging him for 4 years. What's changed?