What are your immediate deal breakers when online dating?

[Smock86]

For me, they are-

1. drugs
2. saying you don’t want/like kids

to a lesser extent-

1. smoking
2. not seeing your children
3. admitting to cheating in a precious relationship

anyone else want to share? I’ve been guilty of overlooking all of these in the past but going to try to hold firm with them as I’ve shifted my boundaries on these before and got burned

Previous*

Lol, I set a minimum word limit on chat so weed out, 'how's you?' Hi?, "like your pics".
Stuff like that really. A high bar to start is good, so only people who have clearly read my profile and put in something relevant to that, get a response.

Married now but met my husband online!

My list was:

Not a gamer
No kids
Own house
Job
Drives
No beard
Not fat
Likes kids

A “psycho ex” that stops him seeing the kids. Always a red flag, always total bullshit.

I'm picky, anyone who puts on their profile a preference to music from whatever decade they were in when growing up, rather than a genre - "love 80's, 90's music", it leaves me cold, shouts that not really into music if not listened to anything in the last 2 decades. Music is a big part of my life, we wouldn't gel.

Facial tattoos.
Pictures with an ex/random woman.
No bio or "if you want to know, ask".
Any mention of any sexual preference/interest - means that's all they want.

My list was

Own house, good job, educated.
No one religious
No tories
No one that's heavily into hunting, fishing or football.
Anyone who writes discreet on their bio
Anyone who uses words like sapiosexual or demisexual

I'm very picky and even have a list of occupations I wouldn't consider😅

When I was dating I had several…

1. Non smoker
2. No kids
3. good teeth (not Hollywood white but looked after, clean and their own!)
4. Driven in their job - ambitious

Same ! Ha ! The music thing is massive for me. I don’t know about it being a dealbreaker as such but someone who isn’t really into music wouldn’t cut it for me.

My list annoys people, but I met my lovely DH, so it did work.

Instant no

• Vegan or vegetarian
• A fussy eater
• Teetotal
• Married
• Recently (in the last year) separated
• A parent
• Living outside zones 1-2 (this is London specific)
• Under 5’ 10’’
• Tory or Socialist
• Politically apathetic
• ‘Not a reader’
• Religious

Must haves

• Degree level education (minimum)
• Own home
• Excellent career, good prospects
• Nice teeth
• Sporty (rugby not football)
• Capable of and happy to do his share of domestic labour.

I'm really curious about yours OP, and why you see smoking weed as worse than cheating/abandoning your children?

The first 2 are my very I stand deal breakers. The rest I would want to know a bit more about to make my mind up but more than likely there’s no real reason for not seeing your children

My dealbreakers:

-Uses any drugs or alcohol
-Watches porn
-Has or wants kids
-Extrovert / goes out a lot
-Loud
-Anti-women, and this is a long, detailed list
-Doesn’t respect my bodily autonomy
-Isin’t accepting of my asexuality (it’s a bonus bonus if they are also asexual)
-Doesn’t want/ like cats and dogs

"How's u?"

🤮🤮🤮🤮

My answer would be "replete with existential dread, u?" so I just don't bother.

😂

No suffocating fish pics
No guys into ' banter '
No gamers
No football fans
No druggies
No beards
No overweight guys
No dodgy teeth
No pics of drunken nights out with mates
No petrol heads
No kids

I'm obviously ( very happily ) single

I was too lenient when started, however that has taught me to be even more fussy in future.

My deal breakers are

Doesn't have his own place
Doesn't drive
Type of job matters - not earning lower than me - tried that and felt like sugar mummy!
Smoking
Excessively drinking
Going to pubs all the time
Further than 45mins away
Young kids - probably won't have much free weekend time.
Crazy ex's or still get hassled by women that can't take no for an answer, apparently, yeah right!
Cheaters
Sexting
Lots of female friends
They ask me to travel to them
Don't know what they are looking for
No compliments
No flowers on the first date
Baldness
Patchy beards
Shorter than advertised
Bad dress sense
More than 3 years older
Has or wants dogs

Has more than 2 kids

Is bald

Any profile pictures that aren't of them (for instance , a football badge picture )

Doesn't work/have a job or volunteer or anything

Still lives at home, or in a house share

Doesn't drive

Lives more than 45 mins away

Does shooting as a hobby (quite common around here )

Makes naff flirty comments (such as ... looking for a curvy lady who loves to dress to impress , so I can smack your peachy bum as you walk past ).

😂😂😂

My list:

No:
'free thinker: code for conspiracy theorist I think.

Wearing football shirt : I love football but you're not in primary school now.
Pub pics, with beer & friends.
Pics including children

Key :
Own home
Skills based job, preferably earning more than me
6ft or more (I'm 5' 10") If they say 6ft, probably the same height as me.
Very active, cyclist is a huge plus!
Has friends, and in contact with family (ignored that 🚩 with the last one)

I have a very long list. I think maybe I'm a little bit too picky and actually don't really want a boyfriend...

1. no tats
2. no smoking
3. Need a degree minimum
4. How's u/University of life/pina colada song/if you don't look like your pictures, you're buying the drinks until you do....
5. Fish/motorbike/mention of F1/golf
6. Lives out of London (apart from Brighton)
7. Lives in Enfield. Or Barnet.
8. Tory (no)
9. Drugs no
10. Any talk of dominance/BDSM
11. Any talk of tantra - bleugh. boring
12. Height - need to be at least 5'9 (I've reduced my height requirement)
13. No signs of lack of hairiness - I like a hairy forearm/chest/beard
14. Good career. (I also have a list of jobs that don't appeal)
15. No psycho exes
16. Already divorced (not currently going through a divorce) and not just out of a marriage - I don't want to be the first relationship
17. Look like they take care of themselves. Sporty is better.
18. New one just added - need a full length picture. This is following a date with someone who was several stone heavier than I knew or suspected.

No cats
Not a BMW driver
Not a gamer
Not bald
Not a misogynist, homophobic
likes F1
Owns own home, car
has travelled, or wants to
Decent job, at least equivalent of mine
No young kids, that would suggest they left their ex 'holding the baby'
Must like dogs
Be able to cook, clean, do DIY

Found one. It was worth being so picky. We're still together 10 years later, although we met at work in the end, I gave up with OLD.

What’s a ‘skill based’ job? (I think your list is excellent, just not sure what this but meant).

bit meant 🤦🏾‍♀️

I don't do dating apps now due to my last experience resulted in a man being horribly abusive and violent towards me, but my list of absolute no no's are as follows:

•No smoking.
•No Tories or other right wing horrors.
•No cops or military.
•People who don't like dogs (this does not include anyone who has a genuine reason to be afraid, obviously people can and will be bitten by dogs and it's only fair to be afraid of them for that, and also allergies).
•No excessive drinking, or use of hard drugs.
•Nobody under the age of 35 (I'm 45 and I would not feel comfortable being with anyone younger than that, and if I'm honest I'm not likely to date anyone under the age of 40.
• No casual stuff. I'm a relationship person.
• Fuck me this list is getting long so this is also another reason I don't use online dating apps.

Stuff I would see that wound me up:

•Happy go lucky chappie.
•Just ask.
•Nice guy.
•Don't know what I want yet.
•Men lying about their age to show up in searches for older women/femme presenting people.
•One photo and zero profile text.
•Married men searching for a bit on the side.

I suspect I haven't covered everything which is why I am probably going to be alone forever, which is really sad tbh.