What are your immediate deal breakers when online dating?

[Smock86]

For me, they are-

1. drugs
2. saying you don’t want/like kids

to a lesser extent-

1. smoking
2. not seeing your children
3. admitting to cheating in a precious relationship

anyone else want to share? I’ve been guilty of overlooking all of these in the past but going to try to hold firm with them as I’ve shifted my boundaries on these before and got burned

Please elaborate on the occupations! 😁

More legal than marrying a gazelle or a seal..

hilarious response. :/

I thought you would of least perhaps accused me of perhaps taking advantage of the girl i started dating because she was 'vulnerable' after her previous experience of a violent male so let's perhaps paint the narrative all men are bastards, guess i should be grateful you didnt go down that avenue really.

Anyway, let the thread get back on track instead of nit picking how i have worded my reply, you know what i meant.

The general feeling I get on this thread is no one seems to want to date a tory so where are all these conservative men finding their female companions.

I’m not going to take you seriously or actually engage with anything you say until you start referring to women as women.

🤣🤣🤣

Each to their own but I feel I must mention my DP who is objectively hot af (confirmed by friends and sisters) and is completely bald 😂

Same, same. My DH is gorgeous and bald af. I am a fan of the Mark Strong, Christopher Meloni, Jason Statham school of hotness, so the ‘must have hair’ thing has always baffled me. But, different strokes!

I'm just here for the "not from Enfield or Barnet" answer.

i have soooo many 😂

Is skinny
has long hair
teeth jacked up
Smokes
has cats
is too right wing
too outgoing/social
skateboards
has kids (unless they are over 18)
is chronically unemployed
cheated
has a slapstick type of humor
lack of humor
not affectionate
doesnt like to kiss
doesn’t have at least one fav tv show
dresses sloppy
religious
doesnt drive

ok I could go on and on 😂

This is a REALLY good list. I think #4 is particularly well articulated

Sunglasses in every pic
Topless photos
The fish pic!
Posing with cars or motorbikes
Sticking tongue out
Pics in holiday resorts
Clean shaven
Wearing a suit
A whiff of being a tory or a golfer
Wearing branded sportswear
Posing with likely exes or children
"Just ask"
"School of life"
"School of hard knox'
"Looking for a partner in crime"
Smokers
Posing with alcohol
Wearing v neck tshirts
Wearing raglan sleeve tshirts
Wearing shiny fabrics
Posing in bedrooms / bathrooms
Any suggestion they own a motorbike
Pic on a SUP
Likes musicals
Likes 80s or britpop
DJ as hobby or career
Body piercings ..especially eyebrows
Owning a dog
Having children on non adult aged children
Car boot sales as a hobby
Wearing any type of necklace
Having only one pic
Having no bio

😄

At the Conservative Association fumble. They're all at it!

I'd also like to know more about the issue with people from Barnet / Enfield!

Non smoker
Not a Tory
Not religious
I couldn't respect any of the above.

Also, probably:
Home owner
Good driver
Not interested in rugby
Not blond

Pictured fishing
Under 5'7
Left wing
'What you see is what you get' statements
Topless pictures

With hindsight…

• Having children from a previous relationship (even though I have, I know from experience how awful it can be to deal with a Disney dad and children with horrendous loyalty binds so there’s no way in hell I’d ever consider a relationship involving someone else’s children)
• Still being married to or in any way entangled with his ex. I don’t need to live through his divorce. I can find better ways to live vicariously.
• Recently divorced. He should have taken the time to get his shit in order and sort himself out. I’m not a post-divorce therapy service.
• Not having his life or finances sorted out comparably to mine. I have been stupid enough to fall into being the one that provides the financial stability and resources to a man who gave all his up in a divorce. I’d never do it again. Anyone I’d be involved with can contribute equally to me. I’m not there to compensate him for his losses.
• Has problematic parents/family. I don’t need drama from someone else’s family. I had enough in my own. That’s why I went NC with toxic people. I didn’t need to replace that with someone else’s toxic parents. Nor to deal with the effects of their toxic parenting which endured into adulthood. I invested in therapy; I don’t need or want to borrow someone else’s issues.

Plus all the standard stuff:

• no smokers
• no drugs
• gainfully employed
• not a fussy eater (nor a vegetarian; I can’t be arsed with limited food choices).

I agree that @OnlyHerefortheBiscuits’ list is excellent.

Tbh, I now think that OLD is like deciding to just browse Amazon randomly. You see lots of stuff but none of it is even vaguely suitable. Like being presented with a totally disorganised mix of toasters, books about the joy of housework, cheap Alibaba tat toys and various other things that are not in any way what you’re looking for. But with no way of properly filtering or narrowing it down so you find the screwdriver set you actually need.

A the ratio of cheap shit bought online and being resold at multiple times the initial cost to decent stuff is just ridiculous in OLD.

95%+ lying in bed photos, pictures with fish, psycho ex, ‘my kids are my world’, living with their mother/still living with the ‘ex’, photos from 1996…

Dire.

Why is having children such a no no for the men? Bet most of you have children of your own? So why is it ok for you and not for them?

Genuinely interested here - I may dip my toe in the OLD in 2023 and I have 3 young children

To be honest as a parent myself I'd find it weirder if a man in his 40s didn't have children already?

Most of the ’no kids’ seemed to be said by women @sneezingpandamum , look at the rest of the list, sound like they are women looking for men.

And no, men (or women) who don’t have kids aren’t ’weird’.
Did you time trave from the dark ages?

So many no Tory answers

The irony is, you want also want a man who owns his own home, has at least a degree, wealthy, good job etc. I haven't met many men who have these qualities that are also socialist. If you were more politically tolerant then maybe you wouldn't be single.

My list included both ‘no Tory’ and ‘own home’. I met him online and we’re now happily married. We are both extremely well educated, have very good jobs and are what a lot of people might consider wealthy, as are most people in our circle - and not a single one of these people is Tory.

Also, if you think the only available options are ‘Tory’ or ‘socialist’, you clearly need a bit of a refresher on schools of political thought.

Smokes/takes drugs/gambles.
Lives with parents/house share.
Has kids younger than mine.
Not yet divorced or recently divorced.
Has bad teeth (or proudly boasts that they have their own teeth, that should be a given).
Has dog(s) or reptiles.
Wears sunglasses in the profile photo.
Asks to meet at their/your place.
Is not funny.
Uses language like ‘hun or my lovely’.
Unemployed.

I'm all of the above (though not a man).

I'm a socialist.

I went out with a very rich Tory who owned several homes and was very successful. He was handsome and tall and beardy. With short finger nails and clean hands. (or whatever was on that list). He wasn't right for me. I was too diametrically opposed to him

I'm the Enfield/Barnet person - I've just taken against those places! There's no logic to it. I think I would like someone who lives centrally like me though.

On the own home thing - I'm in my 50s, and would hope a man of the same age owns his own place. I own my own home to whoever asked.