Page 2 | What are your immediate deal breakers when online dating?

Smock86 · 2022-12-03T17:00:17+00:00

For me, they are- 1. drugs 1. saying you don’t want/like kids to a lesser extent- 1. smoking 1. not seeing your children 1. admitting to cheating in a precious relationship anyone else want to share? I’ve been guilty of overlooking all of these in the past but going to try to hold firm with them as I’ve shifted my boundaries on these before and got burned

ipreferthecat · 04/12/2022 17:08

Describing themselves as picky
Nothing wrong in the actual idea of having standards though

Yet to meet anyone who says that who isn't utterly ghastly

IneedanewTV · 04/12/2022 17:09

Opentooffers · 03/12/2022 19:07

Lol, I set a minimum word limit on chat so weed out, 'how's you?' Hi?, "like your pics".
Stuff like that really. A high bar to start is good, so only people who have clearly read my profile and put in something relevant to that, get a response.

Yes that’s what I did. No hi babe, etc

whirlyswirly · 04/12/2022 18:59

On my list

Kind and funny
Articulate
Tolerant
Good driver
Own home
Job they like
Well travelled
Well read
Good circle of male and female Friends
At least a semi functional family
Interest in being fit and active
Bright but not intellectual

No thanks
Heavy smoker/ drinker
Gamer
Big hairy noisy pets that dominate
Young children
Inability to save money or stick at a job
Poor personal hygiene or lack of any care about appearance
Vanity
Twatty modified car

louderthan · 04/12/2022 19:34

No kids, doesn't want kids
I have to fancy them

Those are the immediate ones, I've not usually found out about drugs/cheating/other twat behaviours til much later...

Unforgettablehamster · 04/12/2022 20:04

‘I like traveling’. ‘Your fun & cheeky’.
Guitar/unmade bed/clothes on the floor in the photos.

Justatoe2 · 04/12/2022 20:28

@RishisProudMum
A graduate is preferable, but I'm aware that there's bright men who haven't been to uni... I couldn't think of another way to say it, but a job that involves training or reasonable level of skill.

Oh and no Tories, I'd forgotten that one!

redtshirt50 · 04/12/2022 20:54

no’s

smoking
lots of tattoos (one or two is okay)
tee total
obsessed with fitness / gaming / football / golf / cycling / running / whatever hobby
any mention of banter
many mention of expecting me to ‘look after them’ E.g cook / clean
doesn’t like vegetables
bad fashion
kids
has a job where they work ridiculous hours and just want to rest when they’re not working
lives with their mum with no plans to move out
bad with money
none of their friends are in LTR
not too big of an age gap

wants

has the ability to work remotely
interested in travel
wants kids and dogs
not bald

my online age limit is not more than 5 years older than me, but I have recently met someone offline who’s 7.5 years older than me who I quite like.

the age gap does worry me though

OnlyHerefortheBiscuits · 04/12/2022 23:20

Bit off topic but you reminded me of an old diary entry I wrote in the midst of a heartbreak over a totally unsuitable man.

I would want someone to tick the majority of this.

Expecting all of it in one person is unreasonable as no one is perfect, but... I want the vast majority...

Single and emotionally available.
Honest. Has integrity, to himself and others. Not afraid to tell me ugly/unsavoury things. Doesn't just lie/tell me what I want to hear to give himself an easy life.
Passionate; has a skill or hobby
Understands that men and women can react differently to stuff. He doesn't have to agree with reaction just understand that there’s another person/gender who has a completely different experience of the same reality.
No victim mentality, does not despair when faced with challenges. Ability to bounce back after set backs and knocks. Has resilience. Turns situations to his advantage.
Takes decisive action but doesn't act on impulse. Considers and understands consequences of actions.
We must have the same opinion of what constitutes infidelity.
Patient & hard working in all aspects of his life
Does not abuse his body or his health
Does not seek conflict but is not afraid of it
Intelligent and intellectually curious
Financially stable, secure and sensible/balanced with money
Can organise himself, his life, admin etc
Short fingernails, no beardy beards, good general hygiene, table manners, doesn't chew with mouth open, eat loudly, smack food around mouth etc
Good in a crisis. Does not crumble, flap, retreat etc
Requires me to have all of these traits, too. Wants woman of same standards
Respectful and considerate of others. People's lives, jobs, choices etc..
Sexual alchemy. Couple of insecurities but overall sexual confidence
Communicates important things face to face, does not hide behind text. (also does not generally communicate via text...or emojis)
Is not constantly in his phone, on social media etc.
Believer of women's equality and right to live equally in the world. Not necessarily campaigner but doesn't hold hostile views on single women choosing to have baby alone for example
No drugs.
Handles his own mistakes well. Can face them and own them. Can apologise when wrong and admit wrong choices / things he would have done differently.
Knows who he is and is not easily influenced depending on who is around.
Is a good, safe driver. No road rage. Twatty/boy-racer dangerous driving is a turn off.

jimmyjammy001 · 05/12/2022 00:51

Think it's important to say how old you are so can get a better perspective of where everyone is coming from. I'd be looking mid 30s

Deal Breakers:

No children of any age (that's almost impossible now days unfortunately)
Married / separated
Doesn't do any exercise
Tattoos
No career (don't want to be bank rolling someone else for the next X amount of years)
Overweight
Not house sharing /renting, they own a house / flat
Has a car
4 years either side age gap
No debt (apart from mortgage debt)
Has hobbys / good circle of friends
Has no restrictions as to what they can do in life / can do what they want when they want as long as not working

category12 · 05/12/2022 08:23

Isn't the "own house" a lot of people have said, quite an ask? 🤔

How old are those people requiring that? Do you all own your houses?

I can see wanting someone who lives independently and supports themselves, but owning their own home while single

hotandspicy · 05/12/2022 10:45

Are all the females on here that want a guy with his own owned home also homeowners themselves or are they themselves renting or living with parents because if they are not homeowners themselves then its a bit rich to demand the man to own a home and not have one themselves.

EmmaAgain22 · 05/12/2022 10:52

HelenHywater "Lives in Enfield. Or Barnet".

Why those boroughs in particular please?

I've never done online dating, these lists are interesting!

RishisProudMum · 05/12/2022 10:52

hotandspicy · 05/12/2022 10:45

Are all the females on here that want a guy with his own owned home also homeowners themselves or are they themselves renting or living with parents because if they are not homeowners themselves then its a bit rich to demand the man to own a home and not have one themselves.

‘Females’…yet, not ‘males’. Curious.

Women can date who they want.

RishisProudMum · 05/12/2022 10:58

category12 · 05/12/2022 08:23

Isn't the "own house" a lot of people have said, quite an ask? 🤔

How old are those people requiring that? Do you all own your houses?

I can see wanting someone who lives independently and supports themselves, but owning their own home while single

Yes, it does limit the pool a bit. I live in hyper expensive London and was only dating people who lived centrally and were within five years of my age (30, at the time I was dating), so even moreso in my case.

I, personally, was perfectly happy to limit the pool.

KettrickenSmiled · 05/12/2022 11:03

hotandspicy · 05/12/2022 10:45

Are all the females on here that want a guy with his own owned home also homeowners themselves or are they themselves renting or living with parents because if they are not homeowners themselves then its a bit rich to demand the man to own a home and not have one themselves.

All the females what on here @hotandspicy ?

Female iguanas? Gazelles? Seals?

If you mean adult human females, there's a far quicker way of being clear about it - we have a word to cover that eventuality: "women".
You'll soon pick it up - it corresponds to the words you used to describe an adult human male: "man", "guy".

HTH, incel

hotandspicy · 05/12/2022 11:14

KettrickenSmiled · 05/12/2022 11:03

All the females what on here @hotandspicy ?

Female iguanas? Gazelles? Seals?

If you mean adult human females, there's a far quicker way of being clear about it - we have a word to cover that eventuality: "women".
You'll soon pick it up - it corresponds to the words you used to describe an adult human male: "man", "guy".

HTH, incel

Show quote history

I would be impressed if iguanas, gazelles and seals had managed to learn how to read and work out how to create logins for mumsnet, I don't think we are quite there yet in the Animal Kingdom.

IT is pretty clear the respondent's on this thread are female, I did not see any Males replying on their list of exclusive deal breakers hence my question asking the females that are posting to this.

Does owning a house only apply to a male that you may look to seek, what about if you are of preference of finding another female to date, would that same rule apply then or is that something only men have to have before you consider them datable?

When I owned my first home and was single, the girl i married still lived at her parents still at 24, worked in a below paying job and didn't drive. Guess what, I didn't date her because she owned a 3 bed detached, owned a nice motor and was earning more than me, I liked her because she was a decent person regardless of possessions.

Good job I didn't use the list of requirements on here that many request men have to have isn't it...

KettrickenSmiled · 05/12/2022 11:30

Yeah, you're still doing your incel "females" thang@hotandspicy so it looks like you are not inclined to learn from the experience. Perhaps you only have as much reading comprehension as iguanas, gazelles and seals.

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 05/12/2022 11:40

Many have been mentioned so I'll not repeat but a lack of Qs in initial dialogue has me walking away.

Me: Hey thanks for the match how's your day/week going? I see from your profile you are blah blah blah - tell me more! I'm doing XYZ today which is funny cos blah blah blah

Him: Blah blah blah blah blah. Like your pics.

(no Qs so no call to action for further dialogue from me )

No to never travelled (so those who live in the town they were born having never lived anywhere else)

Non-foodies/non-musos/no-witty humour

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 05/12/2022 11:44

Oh and I don't bother swiping on anyone with a motorbike pic.

I don't want to have my romantic partner taken from me in a motorbike crash so it's easier to avoid them entirely. It's a non negotiable for me.
Once went on a hot first date with a gorgeous eligible fella and had a great time. Walked back to car park where he pointed out his huge bike so I had to later explain that the lifestyle would give me anxiety each time he went out 😢

Treacletoots · 05/12/2022 11:52

@hotandspicy "female" here who had own their own home on my wishlist.

I had it because the amount of men I met who had an issue that I owned a house and they didn't was ridiculous.

Initially as long as they didn't live with their mother I was fine but it quickly became apparent that dating a woman who owned a property when they didn't was too much of issue for a lot of men. Not all, but a lot.

DH was a home owner as well as every other thing on my ticklish. We're still very happily together 10 years later. It pays to be picky.

Oakbeam · 05/12/2022 12:02

I've never done online dating, these lists are interesting!

Nor me. Looking at some of these responses, I’m surprised it works at all.

DinosWillGetYou · 05/12/2022 12:03

Football season ticket holder….no thanks

isitsummertimeyet · 05/12/2022 12:10

Treacletoots · 05/12/2022 11:52

@hotandspicy "female" here who had own their own home on my wishlist.

I had it because the amount of men I met who had an issue that I owned a house and they didn't was ridiculous.

Initially as long as they didn't live with their mother I was fine but it quickly became apparent that dating a woman who owned a property when they didn't was too much of issue for a lot of men. Not all, but a lot.

DH was a home owner as well as every other thing on my ticklish. We're still very happily together 10 years later. It pays to be picky.

That's a fair enough comment and reason, I think it was more to be assured that the majority of women are not only wanting a man to have their own property because they have not managed to do so themselves.. there's always reasons behind why people don't own, still rent or live with parents, course there is always the few that are bums that have no interest in being a homeowner (along with working, having any drive etc)

My now wife was at her parents due to a previous relationship that was filled with DV when we first met and she had managed to escape it before he ended up killing her. Found that out on our ²nd date.. 😔

Be impressed anyone being a homeowner now if they are single with the way house prices and inflation has gone.

KettrickenSmiled · 05/12/2022 13:10

DH was a home owner as well as every other thing on my ticklish
😂😂😂

I bet he was @Treacletoots, you little minx ...

RishisProudMum · 05/12/2022 13:13

hotandspicy · 05/12/2022 11:14

I would be impressed if iguanas, gazelles and seals had managed to learn how to read and work out how to create logins for mumsnet, I don't think we are quite there yet in the Animal Kingdom.

IT is pretty clear the respondent's on this thread are female, I did not see any Males replying on their list of exclusive deal breakers hence my question asking the females that are posting to this.

Does owning a house only apply to a male that you may look to seek, what about if you are of preference of finding another female to date, would that same rule apply then or is that something only men have to have before you consider them datable?

When I owned my first home and was single, the girl i married still lived at her parents still at 24, worked in a below paying job and didn't drive. Guess what, I didn't date her because she owned a 3 bed detached, owned a nice motor and was earning more than me, I liked her because she was a decent person regardless of possessions.

Good job I didn't use the list of requirements on here that many request men have to have isn't it...

Show quote history

You married a girl? Is that legal where you are?