What are your immediate deal breakers when online dating?

[Smock86]

For me, they are-

1. drugs
2. saying you don’t want/like kids

to a lesser extent-

1. smoking
2. not seeing your children
3. admitting to cheating in a precious relationship

anyone else want to share? I’ve been guilty of overlooking all of these in the past but going to try to hold firm with them as I’ve shifted my boundaries on these before and got burned

Haringey might be, Finchley isn't. Then again, Peckham is fine and it's much further away from me. No logic - although possibly I'm just restricting myself to zones 1 and 2.

I don't know how I feel about Richmond.

I think where people choose to live says a lot about them.

Anyway, have a date with someone on Saturday and I forgot to find out where he lives....

Using "your" instead of "you're"

kk

I know quite a few people who earn six figures and they all pretty much exclusively date people who earn similarly.

Someone having dating criteria that excludes you is hardly a personal insult. If someone would only date people who earned six figures and you don’t, then you’re simply not suited.

I love this! 😂 When I was single, I basically refused to date anyone who lived in SW London or anywhere outside zones 1-2. Firstly, because it’s so far away, but also because I just knew I wouldn’t like them.

But presumably most of those six figure earners want to date other high earners specifically because they don’t want to be taken for a ride - so someone who expects their partner to pay on all dates wouldn’t suit.

@NAndJAgainstStrepA

Because I'd want to be a romantic partner, not a stand-in mother which I'd likely become if the actual mother wasn't there.

Interesting answer, but still a bit odd imo. A man who needs his mother to be around, and requires a substitute if she's not, would be too much of a man-child to be a viable romantic partner!

Someone up the thread said they would want a partner who was paid six figures and paid on dates as well.

But that’s their problem, no? People can have super detailed and stringent criteria. Whether or not they find anyone that fits said criteria and also wants to date them is really their
business.

Absolute deal-breakers:

1. Kissing dogs (just... no).

2. Looking for somebody 'successful'. Anybody who divides the world into 'successful' and 'unsuccessful' isn't somebody I'd want to spend time with.

Cats....guys with cats creep me out.
I'm not keen on guys either dogs either.

I have a cat & a dog. (I hate myself too)
(and also that's how I know I would hate a man who had pets)

But I am a home owner and a socialist with stretch marks and would date a vegan (but not if they were skinny or short).

I don't want to date men who lie on their profiles (height/education/job/age etc).
I once chatting online to a 'psychologist.' Turned out he was a dog-walker.
Everyone who knows me knows I hate other peoples dogs.

I'm also fully prepared to die alone.
(I mean, my cat & dog will be there obviously).

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron

I know, that’s precisely what I was saying. Of course it’s normal to want someone who earns similarly to you, but it’s unlikely that high earners will want to date that person who is only interested in extremely high earners but unwilling to ever pay themselves.

Is there a difference between high earners, and people who get paid six figure salaries? If someone is actually earning six figures as opposed to being paid that much, they're going to be very very absorbed with work. How do they find the time to go on dates and pay? I know I am massively busy with my work, to the extent of not being able to sustain a relationship, and I have a way to go before I get near six figures. In fact that figure is not even on our payscales. But then I'm up north wi' t'whippets and flat caps, not down in that London.

What are you talking about? I feel like we’re having two completely different conversations.

My point was that the two demands ‘must earn 6 figures’ and ‘must always pay for dates’ probably aren’t compatible, because a person who earns six figures probably won’t want to date someone who is a parasite and refuses to pay their own way. I made this point and you responded by saying ‘someone upthread said they wanted both someone who earns six figures and pays on dates.’ I know that - that’s the point I was making! That the two demands are contradictory because by only wanting an extremely high earning partner who you can sponge off, you’re likely to make yourself quite unappealing to any of those extremely high earners who are likely to want a partner who matches them or is close more than one who just wants money.

I had the usual standard ones about smoking/drugs/being a fuckboi in general but I also said no kids. Partly because I don’t want kids, and therefore didn’t want to deal with someone else’s, but mainly because you will always (rightly) get ditched last minute for child issues and often get prioritised below the ex. Too complicated.

I think these are reasonable breakers. There are also many things I would add to the list: open relationship thinking, looking for a three-some, flirting with others, bad relationships with parents, no responsin=bilithy fr life, videogames addiction, and living with mom... I can come up with a lot. Luckily, I've met my future husband already on the naturism forum; we discussed a few topics and started liking each other immediately. I think he is the greatest gift my fate ever gave me. So you all should still communicate with those you like on dating apps. I feel like t is the modern way of finding love