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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Tell me about the weirdest, wackiest,strangest, bestest, nightmareish bloke you have ever been with?

135 replies

charliecat · 13/12/2007 16:43

How did it start, begin, when did you realise, and how did it end?

OP posts:
amytheearwaxbanisher · 13/12/2007 23:09

lol at this thread

MommalovesHerSpanglyXmasName · 13/12/2007 23:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

charliecat · 14/12/2007 10:33

ha ha ha

OP posts:
MrsSnape · 14/12/2007 11:32

When I was about 15 a boy at school started following me around everywhere. He joined Karate because I went, I upped my classes up to 3 times a week to put him off but he assumed I wanted to spend more time with him so upped his classes too .

He then began following me on my paper round, helped me to be fair but then one day we were walking down a street and a bloke was approaching and the kid said to me "erm...this bloke coming up thinks you're my girlfriend so just act...as if you are".

I said "erm, why does he think that?" so he replied "oh he's just a bit wierd"

Then he began phoning me ALL the time, stupid times of the night too, once he phoned me at 11:30 to ask who Jon Bon Jovi's wife was as he was "doing a competition" (he knew bon jovi was my fave band).

He then became a "mosher" because he thought I was one.

I told him I wished I have a computer so he "gave" me his! then at christmas he sent me about 12 christmas cards....

After that I told him to leave me alone so the following day at school I was pulled up by a teacher and was told that his mother had complained about him being bullied and I was the main bully!!

Very strange kid, apparantly he became obsessed with someone else after that.

MrsSnape · 14/12/2007 11:33

Oh and I gave the computer back in case you were wondering

pantoinghousewife · 14/12/2007 11:43

The Slacker...Met him at a Kingmaker, Pulp gig, he was a drummer for a very minor indie band. Very gorgeous, of irish descent, with a very bad pot and drink habit. We went drinking often, he phoned one night and fell asleep mid conversation after we arranged to meet at the Underworld in Camden. So off I trotted the next day, all dolled up in my killer short pyschedelic dress and DMs and I waited, and I waited and I waited. Phoned his home and his Dad answered, asked where he was, he was at Highbury watching the football!
He was (on the occassions, he remembered to meet me) good fun, he gave me a piggyback all the way from Warren Street to Kentish Town and I gave him my virginity. He weren't half barking though

Kerri28 · 14/12/2007 13:11

a relative of mine went out (and lived with) for a few months with a very well manered, very smartly dressed lad - he was 26, she was 30. He took far more time in the bathroom than her, and refused to leave the house if his hair wasn't "right" - so the signs were there but she didnt pick up on them until her birthday, when he gave her a long slim box, beautifully wrapped with bows etc on it, she excitedly opened it to discover.....

A STRAP ON DICK!!!!!

which he asked her to use on him.

she graciously declined and helped him move out [ grin]

LieselVentouse · 14/12/2007 13:15

I went out with a bloke aged 25 and I had to explain to him what a bungalow was

HappyChristmasWalrusIsOver · 14/12/2007 13:17

I have had my fair shre of these.

I went out with a bloke who loved "botty fun" and always asked me if we could do a spot of rimming He was a sickly ponce who used to read me Frencjh poetry in bed. A futile exercise as a) I can't speka French and b) I cab't fucking stand poetry.

I also onec shagged this bloke who said afterwards "we enjoyed that" I can only presume he was psaeking about the voiceds in his head, as he was a bit mental IIRC.

I also went out with this guy who claimed he's been in the Far East working for a multi natinal I slept with him a few time, and he sememed ok, but then I realised he was ODD. He ended up stalking me for a bit, and even slept in my frnt garden after one of my flat mates wouldn't let him in.

snowleopard · 14/12/2007 13:18

I like yours Liesl. How weid can you get???

pantoinghousewife · 14/12/2007 13:20

This thread is hilarious, botty fun, blokes with no clue as to what a bungalow is...pmsl.

lou33 · 14/12/2007 13:20

By Kerri28 on Fri 14-Dec-07 13:11:08
a relative of mine went out (and lived with) for a few months with a very well manered, very smartly dressed lad - he was 26, she was 30. He took far more time in the bathroom than her, and refused to leave the house if his hair wasn't "right" - so the signs were there but she didnt pick up on them until her birthday, when he gave her a long slim box, beautifully wrapped with bows etc on it, she excitedly opened it to discover.....

A STRAP ON DICK!!!!!

which he asked her to use on him.

she graciously declined and helped him move out [ grin]

i dont see the problem with this .......

HappyChristmasWalrusIsOver · 14/12/2007 13:22

I was totally in love with botty fun man. I was convionced we would be married and I could persuade him out of his obsession with taking girls upo the wrongun.

My attempts were futile.

Domesticgodlessyoumerrygents · 14/12/2007 13:22

omg. My barmy ex also possessed a strapon!!! May I add I never 'got round' to wearing the thing heh heh.

Also I can't believe there is more than one racist homophobic crossdresser in the world.

Was he working in the music industry by any chance??? Nice looking chap concealing total madness beneath?

pantoinghousewife · 14/12/2007 13:26

Please tell me that he didn't refer to it as botty fun though.

HappyChristmasWalrusIsOver · 14/12/2007 13:28

Yes he did

God, I used to be a freako magnet

pantoinghousewife · 14/12/2007 13:30

That is the funniest thing I've read on here all week. I knew a similiar type of chap, I asked him once what he wanted to do and he said 'defeacate on you'....I ran away, very fast!

NomDePlume · 14/12/2007 13:31

Tiny cock, gave me thrush and then vomited out of my bedroom window

lou33 · 14/12/2007 13:32

am i the only one who sees no problem with strap ons?

i might ask santa for one

AnneMayesR · 14/12/2007 13:32

When I was in the USA a so called friend of mine hooked me up on a blind date with a total redneck. I didn't really want to go but she was insistant. It all seemed a bit weird but as it was going to be a double date with friend and her boyfriend I said okay. Had a bad feeling though.

The man was a sexist, a racist, a hick, stupid and violent and it all came out within the first 5 minutes of the date.

Some memorable quotes before the main meal arrived:

"If I see the cops pull a coloured over I stop as well and ask the officer if he needs a hand....and a lynchin rope"

"Here's a picture of my kid". I tell him I think she looks gorgeous. He responds with "I don't see her because she is probably a little f*cking bitch like her mom"

"God wants women to always submit to men so there is no such thing as rape"

"That waitress has nice tits but she looks like she may have a bit a negro blood in her"
He offered me a cig. I declined. He asked me if I wanted to go out for some play time in his truck. I declined. Then he grabbed my arm and twisted it whilst laughing his ass off. It hurt I was nearly in tears.

It was at this point I got the hell out of there. It occured to me that it may have been a prank but no this man was authentic. My so called friend was mad. Apparantly he had threatened her with physical harm unless she found him a "woman". The last 3 or 4 girls that she tried to introduce to him ditched him after a few minutes as well.

It was like the freaking twilight zone in that place.

Domesticgodlessyoumerrygents · 14/12/2007 13:33

pmsl at 'we enjoyed that'

I think some of us are giving off madman-attracting vibes

(this is why I had to marry dh, he is the only vaguely normal bloke who has ever tried it on with me)

omg I forgot to tell you about my previous fiance, the anglo-italian S/M goth genius mathematician....

The s/m thing wasn't in full flower when I knew him but the signs were there. Those godawful trousers were a giveaway.

NomDePlume · 14/12/2007 13:35

God Anne ! Is that bloke still loose on the streets ?!

pukkapie · 14/12/2007 13:37

At university I met a guy in a club, he seemed very nice and after a few drinks we set off back to his. I told him I liked blokes who can sing, so he started singing all the way back to his. He sang Frank Sinatra songs and had quite a nice voice. When I got back to his he put a CD on, Frank Sinatra again. Then I started to notice various Frank Sinatra memorabilia, everywhere. Then I saw the full size Frank Sinatra poster above his bed. I left when he started to try to make me sing 'My way' as he undressed. Can't remember his name, all my mates forever refer to him as 'Frank'!

mitfordsisters · 14/12/2007 13:42

v funny thread. sorry your love was in vain Walrus pmsl

When I was 16, I went out with a boy who said he was the illegitimate son of Bob Dylan. His mum was an ex-groupie (she told us we didn't have to go to college and brought us cups of tea in bed, thus 'facilitating' our pathetic teenage shagging).

He did have a resemblance to Dylan - fuzzy hair, big nose. Also very thin tho that was due to anorexia. Lasted about 2 weeks

MerryPIFFLEmas · 14/12/2007 13:45

Bestest here
was in crowded bar, locked eyes with sensational good looking guy
thought he must be blind so kept on talking to my friend and sure enough he disappeared.

5 mins later 2 pints of Guinness turn up on our table (so he noticed what we were drinking)
Friend said that means same time tomorrow.
So we dult for kicks turn up.
And he was there with 3 pints of Guinness,

we had the most sensational lusty week together ever.

He wanted me to move to Oz with him, I (was in NZ) wanted to stay at my job.

Despite being deeply in love with my dp and ids today...
I do wonder.

And have also been pursued by the ugliest, fattest, hairiest, scariest, most clinically and psychopathic stalker type alive.

ended up in tears, rape, broken faces, and for him
jail
ARRGHHHH