Umm I was married to a ginger martial arts teacher once - but you could clearly identify him by the tiny todger
Okay, so I met this fucking gorgeous guy, I was a gym bunny at the time, he was so fit and frankly well built all the girls were after him, but he wanted me. Wow I was delighted, we dated for weeks and then one night we decided to actually go to bed.
At which point I discovered a certain side effect of the massive amounts of anabolic steriods he had taken. Despite his 50+ inch chest, his willy and balls looks like a very small baby carrot and two marbles. What made this worse was he was a very aggressive lover yelling 'look at my sword bitch, don't you want it, I'm gonna spear you with it and drive you wild'.
Needless to say I fell off the bed laughing and then ran away.
Oh and he called me two weeks later to say he'd got an STI from me (how I was nowhere near him), but I dutifully went to the clinic with him only to be told I was all clear.
It was only then he revealed that he paid for his drugs by taking it up the arse at the gym