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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Tell me about the weirdest, wackiest,strangest, bestest, nightmareish bloke you have ever been with?

135 replies

charliecat · 13/12/2007 16:43

How did it start, begin, when did you realise, and how did it end?

OP posts:

UnquietDad · 15/12/2007 15:56

I hope you mean stingy as in mean, and not stingy as in having a stinging sensation.

VVVExcitedAboutChristmasQV · 15/12/2007 16:53

EWwww! It didnt form part of his flatmates perfectly balanced meals did it?????

Mum2Luke · 15/12/2007 16:57

I tried to ignore this weirdo who kept calling for me and even pretended to go out with my friend who was a fit guy who agreed to pretend just to get rid. Fit guy then asked me out in front of weirdo.

Ended up with fit guy for about 8 months until he was invited to emigrate to USA. He was sad to leave but I did not want to hold him back, would have loved to go with him but was only 15 so was not allowed to go. Have good memories of getting in nightclubs and great shags!!( I was 16 by then!).

Moved up to manchester and am married with 3 kids, have been for 17 yrs and could do with a medal!

lottymadbird · 15/12/2007 20:53

met a very, very nice looking man in a pub many many years ago, bought him home , went to get some wine and no word of a lie when i got back he had pooed on the coffee table and looked very smug about it.

i tried to ignore it (why?!) and did a pretty good job until he said well what do you think of that?

worse thing was a few weeks later i realised he was working in the local tescos !

Santasmissyontheside · 15/12/2007 20:55

omg lottie

Original poster

charliecat · 15/12/2007 21:01

PMSL OMFG.

OP posts:

lottymadbird · 15/12/2007 21:01

mmm... and there was the "boyfriend" who's "equipment" was about 8inches long (so far so good) 2 inches round but veered horrifically 90 degrees to the left half way up and never got properly hard. eeeyuk makes me feel sick just to think about it and it was probably 20 years or more ago !

lottymadbird · 15/12/2007 21:06

oh and forgot to say told my BF the next day about it and she said dont be ridiculous he was gorgeous he couldnt have done that, are you sure it wasnt the cat that did it?

and i have had moments thinking well just maybe it was the cat and i wasted such an opportunity to go out with an adonis !

VVVExcitedAboutChristmasQV · 15/12/2007 21:13

ROFL Lottie!

MommalovesHerSpanglyXmasName · 16/12/2007 00:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

charliecat · 16/12/2007 21:24

OP posts:

Quattrocento · 16/12/2007 21:49

At college, there was this chap who was edgy and startlingly attractive. He could dance and he wasn't gay. Not very common, I think you'll agree.

The trouble was there were just too many clubs and too many drugs. The second night we were together, one of his friends got into bed with us. Uninvited. The friend looked and sounded like Hercule Poirot, so totally unwanted too.

Odd that even the biggest sex-gods can have strangely geeky belgian friends.

VVVExcitedAboutChristmasQV · 17/12/2007 00:23

The sex god wasnt called Hastings, was he?

sprogger · 17/12/2007 12:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

electra · 17/12/2007 12:48

One Christmas I was coming back from university on the train. I was eating my lunch and spotted a tall man opposite me with laptop, briefcase etc, staring at me in an odd way. I thought "how rude" and moved so that I couldn't see him. But he adjusted his position and all the way home he kept looking at me and making v odd hand gestures. I began to worry and I hoped the woman next to me wouldn't get up because I felt sure that if she did he would come over. She did leave of course, and he did come over, during which time I became unhinged with panic!

He said that he had fallen in love with me, please could he come and sit near me - he simply had to. I told him to leave me alone. He had tears in his eyes I seem to be an odd guy magnet though!!

lottymadbird · 17/12/2007 14:30

MommalovesHerSpanglyXmasName - I think I just opened the door and said "out" or something like that (if you mean the poo man). If you mean the protractor d*ck man, I think I said I hadnt got over my last boyfriend and so could we just be friends !

MommalovesHerSpanglyXmasName · 17/12/2007 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

suzi2 · 17/12/2007 21:38

Protractor dick guy is making me laugh I went out with a pencil dick man. Any rulers out there?

soanxious · 18/12/2007 18:23

This thread has made me laugh so much thank you!

Here is my addition!

When out with a lad who was pretty intense, asked me to marry him quite quick etc. Then he said he was marrying his fiancee in 10 weeks and once he'd got married and been on the honeymoon he'd leave her for me...and he really expected me to be okay with it!

When I told him exactly where to go, he told his family I was pregnant (I wasn't) so he had to marry me instead and then turned up on my doorstep with all his stuff! After rapidly chucking him out he spent many a night sleeping outside my front door...and I spent many a morning stepping over him

Three years later he was still trying....even broke into my house and turned all the pics of me and my now DH upside down!

Another one....I met a man with such a big dick I had to have a wee in a bath of water for a couple of days after having sex Mind you, that was pre-childbirth, doubt I'd have that problem now

He also had a habit of hitting me on the head with it when I was on the phone to my mum and such like....!!

Best one....my DH, he's ace. He came to look after me after i hurt myself after knowing him for 8 days...and he never left
Best DH, father and friend

Bouncingturtlewithtinsel · 18/12/2007 18:55

Well I had an ex who turned weird after I left him. I left him because he was a control freak arsehole.
We had a mutual group of friends who I kind of lost touch with as I moved to the other sode of town and started a new job with very long hours due to travelling by bus so no time to socialise.
Once I got a car, so more free time and more able to get about, I met up with mutual friends - ex had moved away.
My friends said I looked good for someone who had been shot by the IRA!
Apparently he kept going around telling people hw worked for MI5 and that he and his gf had been shot by the IRA and I was killed! He described some scars on his back as bullet wounds - I nearly PMSL when I explained to friends that those scars were inflicted when a dodgy deck chair collapsed and skewered him in the back when he was a kid - his mum had told me about it. He was a certified wierdo. His dps were really nice and normal!
About 6 months before I married DH, he turned up at my mother's wanting to get back in touch. He was taken aback to hear I was getting married . I think he honestly thought I would get back together with him!

pindy · 26/12/2007 09:48

bump !!!

FatBellyHoHoHo · 26/12/2007 13:40

By Domesticgodlessyoumerrygents on Fri 14-Dec-07 13:22:42
omg. My barmy ex also possessed a strapon!!! May I add I never 'got round' to wearing the thing heh heh.

Also I can't believe there is more than one racist homophobic crossdresser in the world.

Was he working in the music industry by any chance??? Nice looking chap concealing total madness beneath?

No, this one was a butch car mechanic by day.. roflmfao

Apparently he now has a new g/f, is getting married next year and has 6 dogs.. I forgot to mention his doggy obsession didn't I The dogs would sleep in our bed, go everywhere with him and lick him in most unpleasant ways [vom]

AmersG · 26/12/2007 16:34

I've had a couple of random boyfriends in my time.

The first one was an Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam) lookalike who I had a massive crush on at the time. He told me he was single but judging by the fact his 'ex' tried to run me over in her car I guessed that to be untrue. Anyway he would always spend all night roaming round off his face on random drugs and turn up at my house every day for months where my mum always let him in because "he looked like he needed a good meal" - mind you I am a glutton for punishment because I have at various times gone back there and got involved with him because he was so good looking only to realise he was still very unstable and stalker-ish!!

Then there was the one that had been my best friend for about 6 years who told me he was in love with me and I turned down his advances only to walk into my sisters room about 3 weeks later to find them in bed together!!

And finally the "ginger ninja" as we refer to him (he was a ninjitsu black belt) who I met at uni and had a short lived relationship for a couple of months after I moved back home after finishing - he went on holiday and didn't contact me for weeks afterwards, I tried calling and emailing etc and just figured I had been dumped to move on nearly 6 weeks later when he got in touch again and called me all sorts of names because I had "cheated" on him despite not hearing from him in ages!

I'm glad i'm not alone in meeting these "special" people!!

discoverlife · 26/12/2007 17:19

Lets see a ginger haired ninjitsu black belt. Shouldn't be too hard to track dow. LOL.

AmersG · 26/12/2007 19:22

Yes, you are right, be warned!! I forgot to add that he was actually allergic to alcohol which as it was my uni days didn't go down to well - the constant nagging was worse than one of my parents!!

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