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Original poster

Husband sulking if i ask for help with DC

328 replies

CyclingMumKingston · 28/04/2019 15:38

My husband rolls his eyes and sighs loudly if i ask him to help, but luckily he still helps

Yesterday he was in the shower at 7pm after coming from his bike ride and toddler was crying for food

So i told DH that dinner was ready and if he could please take it out of the oven and put it in our toddler's plate as i was breastfeeding our newborn

I cant open the oven with a newborn latched on (baby is very colicky and when he latches on it s often after an hour of crying his heart out)

If i ask DH why is he sulking, he says that I am only asking him to help because i am just jealous of him having a moment for himself (bike ride + shower)

He works 5 days a week and would like to relax a bit. I m on maternity leave this year.

AIBU?

OP posts:

FuckingHadEnough · 28/04/2019 15:43

YANBU your husband need to grow up. Being a parent is 24/7. He doesn't get to have weekends off to himself whilst you look after the kids. That's just unreasonable and ridiculous. Does he think maternity leave is a holiday? Do you get time to yourself to do whatever you like?

cece · 28/04/2019 15:43

He is not helping. He is caring for his own child. He is a knob for sulking and why is he spending so much time on his hobby when there's two children who need parenting?

GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman · 28/04/2019 15:46

YANBU. They're his kids too - and how much time do you get to yourself?

SignedUpJust4This · 28/04/2019 15:46

What a selfish prick. Let him know that even though my husband works long hours he does all the cooking and washing up as well as bedtime for the older ones because he knows how hard breastfeeding is. When do you get to have down time? What is it with these cyclists? Does he frequently go for bike rides & showers at dinner time?

EspressoX10 · 28/04/2019 15:49

Another cyclist! This should be studied.

NCbilliontimes · 28/04/2019 15:56

He’s being a dick!
I’m bf-ing, my DH works 15/16 hour days. Sometimes gets in without having eaten all day and he’s fucked. If I’m having a hard time with the kids, I don’t even need to ask, he just steps in and does it. Then he’ll have a bath then cook my dinner, unless by some act of god DD has got off me long enough for me to get to the kitchen.

Quartz2208 · 28/04/2019 16:00

He needs to stop thinking of it as asking for help and start thinking of it as being his responsibility as much as yours

FFS his child is crying and he is complaining. You married an arse

But actually your biggest issue is clearly he prioritises cycling - going out at that time when he had a toddler who needed feeding and a wife with a crying baby is selfish and horrible

thecatsarecrazy · 28/04/2019 16:04

My dh does this. We have 3 children oldest 2 are 12 and 10 youngest 2. He's done it for all 3. A loud sigh every time i ask for help. Never baths lo because his back hurts apparently. Only happens when I ask for help. Im so tempted one Saturday to just leave the house and go somewhere all day. Last me time having a hair cut and he kept texting asking what was going on and how long was I going to be

mummmy2017 · 28/04/2019 16:07

Play him at his own game...
Yes darling you are so right we should have me time, I am do pleased you feel like this...
Tomorrow you can have the kids so I can go do X alone...
Thank you honey for realising this....

HoustonBess · 28/04/2019 16:08

He works 5 days a week and would like to relax a bit.

Tell him you work 24/7, recently carried and birthed a baby and would like to relax a bit.

He needs to understand the kids are a joint responsibility. I suggest making him take toddler away or for full days at weekend.

Nip this in the bud or it'll never get any better.

BumbleBeee69 · 28/04/2019 16:09

My husband rolls his eyes and sighs loudly if i ask him to help, but luckily he still helps

I wouldn't call this lucky.. far from it

I call him an arrogant self consumed selfish Prick.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/04/2019 16:09

Another cyclist! This should be studied.

It is weird.

BTW it's not 'helping' it's doing the bare minimum parenting and care of your own home. Because he made them and he lives there. Hes not doing you a bloody favour.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/04/2019 16:10

You must have known what a self-centered, selfish prick he was before you had children, surely?

sackrifice · 28/04/2019 16:10

Lucky if he helps?

Fuck sake.

RomanyQueen1 · 28/04/2019 16:12

He shouldn't be helping. It's not helping it's parenting a very small percent of what he should be doing by the sounds of it.
He should be taking over when he comes in and at the weekend.
No rest or me time when you have babies.
Show him this thread, what an excuse for a husband and father.

keepyerbrowson · 28/04/2019 16:15

I'm sorry to read that you married such a loser and that your kids have such a selfish father. I'm even more sorry to read that you don't fully realise it.

GarkandGookin · 28/04/2019 16:19

I work with someone who has a two month old baby. He works full time and his wife is on maternity leave. On Friday I said 'have a good weekend' and he told me his wife is going away on a hen do so he has the baby alone for the weekend, which will be 'fun but a bit full-on'.
He did NOT suggest he was 'helping', just being the full time parent for a couple of days.
This is normal and your husband is BVU.

MrsBobDylan · 28/04/2019 16:21

I'm depressed for you op. This man must have some other outstanding characteristics to feel so comfortable behaving like a selfish piece of shit.

I might suggest agreeing with him that you do resent his 'me time' because it's something you never have and he behaves like such a dick the rest of the time it's not as if he's even earned any 'me time'.

I would also tell him that if he carries on in this useless manner, he is welcome to absent himself from family life on a permanent basis as you and the children with have no use for him.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/04/2019 16:22

And I always say this...

Either full time parenting is hard and you therefore need a break as much as him. Or it's easy and you're breezing around doing nothing. In which case it would be easy and restful for him as well.

DameFanny · 28/04/2019 16:25

Another fucking MAMIL. What an arse he is.

Zoobedoo · 28/04/2019 16:26

Why are these twatface husband's always cyclists? I agree, definitely needs studying!

blackcat86 · 28/04/2019 16:26

DH started doing this after DD was born and morphed in to an utter arsehole. I found commenting on my observation very helpful as he would be fine until there was any suggestion that he may need to do something however small. I would literally point out to him that he'd been fine until I'd mentioned that he could do a night feed, activity with DD or whatever. It worked and things improved because he couldn't wrangle out of it and deny the dynamic. I also made DH redundant doing all the things he would usually do so I'd make sure the bins were already out when he got back or the dishwasher was done because why should he pick and choose, and I should obviously get used to doing it all myself if that was his attitude. Dont cover for him to. Tell people he's never bathed the kids, got pissy about dinner etc. If things dont change then leave and see what he thinks then

TopBitchoftheWitches · 28/04/2019 16:26

Reverse?

Teddybear45 · 28/04/2019 16:27

It takes a special kind of idiot to be reminded to feed a hungry child. Good men would just see you are bf and do it no matter how long they’ve worked. Far too many women on these boards have no standards.

CoffeeConnoisseur · 28/04/2019 16:29

You’ve kind of set yourself up for this by being in the frame of mind that “luckily” he’s “helping” you, rather than simply parenting his children.

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