Husband sulking if i ask for help with DC

[CyclingMumKingston]

My husband rolls his eyes and sighs loudly if i ask him to help, but luckily he still helps

Yesterday he was in the shower at 7pm after coming from his bike ride and toddler was crying for food

So i told DH that dinner was ready and if he could please take it out of the oven and put it in our toddler's plate as i was breastfeeding our newborn

I cant open the oven with a newborn latched on (baby is very colicky and when he latches on it s often after an hour of crying his heart out)

If i ask DH why is he sulking, he says that I am only asking him to help because i am just jealous of him having a moment for himself (bike ride + shower)

He works 5 days a week and would like to relax a bit. I m on maternity leave this year.

AIBU?

[Gre8scott]

Just go upstairs and lie down leave the kida in his care and dont go and help. He is parenting his children just say im having a relax your turn selfish knob

[DowntonCrabby]

Lazy prick.

Sort this now, or he’ll have quite the wake up call when he’s working FT and also having to parent 50:50!

[OldUnit]

Why are we repeatedly procreating with these fucking arseholes!?!

[CyclingMumKingston]

Great advice about not leaving the house.
I was also thinking of not doing anything any more for him but how would that work?
Do i leave out his clothes when i do the laundry?
He would be furious and offended
Do i only hang my clothes to dry?
Do i only fold and sort mine and DC clothes?
Do i only cook for myself and DC?
Wouldnt this kind of retaliation be petty and childish?
I am seriously unhappy about his sulking.
He is offended as i politely stood up to him and didnt like it so he is making me pay for it by being very cold and sulking

[RosaWaiting]

yes, OP, do all of those things

he apparently doesn't want to do his share so you can legitimately ask him to at least do his own chores.

I'd also fix a day to leave him home with the older DC. Why on earth did he agree to parent if he doesn't want to parent?!

[peppaisannoying]

He's offended and sulking? Christ! He hasn't got a clue has he!

This isn't normal op and the vast majority of partners aren't like this. DH and I both pull our weight because we are a team who both decided to have children.

I go to work in the evenings and weekends after being with the dc by myself all day whilst DH is at work (both often starting at 5 am), I feed them dinner, DH gets home, then I go to work, he does the bath, books and bedtime routine. Chucks the wash I did in the tumble dryer if there is one. Cleans up the kitchen whilst cooking our dinner if I haven't already when the dc are in bed. We eat together and then clear up together. Then bed. If there's any time left over we'll take it in turns to go to the gym or for a run or something.

What I'm trying to say is in our house it's all considered work regardless of whether it's paid or not.

If I were you I'd suggest going back to work for a week of kit days or something, get him to take holiday and have his "rest" then he'll soon see that it's actually hard work and can be really exhausting, just like paid work.

[justthecat]

He needs a puncture ...or two

[FrenchBoule]

Holy shit. OP, your H needs a swift kick up his bollocks.
Let him sulk.
Let him be offended.
Only an arsehole ignores a hungry child as somebody else has pointed out earlier on.
When the hell is your time off. Oh, let me guess. Never.
He’s extremely sefish,useless and goady.

[aidelmaidel]

If he can't relax he can't function at work? Poor diddums. He'll just have to learn to work smarter then won't he, just like the rest of us have to learn to function whilst exhausted and breastfeeding.

The sulking is not ok. Parenting is hard work and it's also something you can get used to, and he can bloody well get used to it. You deserve exactly as much you-time as he gets him-time.

[mummmy2017]

Talk to him ..
Tell him , to do X y z for you...
So work too... So why should you get time off to relax and not me...
Do not phrase it as he is wrong, but that he has parental duties...

[LadyMonicaBaddingham]

Print this article out and casually leave it lying around...

[mummmy2017]

Oh and find Mama Mia on YouTube stick it on when ever he tries to do the silent treatment and sing your lungs out...
It will make you feel happy.
He will hear you happy and will hate that your not feeling sad when he is trying too cold shoulder you.

[DartmoorDoughnut]

Why are they ALWAYS cyclists - I know I know NACALT! - seriously OP he’s a twat. You’re working full time too with a toddler and a baby, when is your time off?

My DH has a very demanding job - seriously he’s never off duty even on holiday, it’s v annoying! - but he regularly does bath time or takes the boys to see his parents to give me some time to myself at the weekend 😍

[DartmoorDoughnut]

@mummmy2017 you’re a genius

[Butterymuffin]

He's 'offended'? I'd be offended by the 'I work 5 days a week' as if that's way more than most people! And what does he do, brain surgeon? If he's tired, he can go to bed earlier like everyone else has to. It doesn't get him out of his share of parenting.

[Cherrysoup]

Yes, do all of this, he needs to understand exactly how much you do for him. When he sees the enormity of it, he'll either be a heck of a lot nicer or he'll piss off. Either way, you'll know if he's a keeper or n ot.

[junebirthdaygirl]

Just start going out more. What's this about an hour on Sat?
When he gets home one evening a week go out then after dinner. For a walk, chat to friend, browse the shops whatever.
Then on Sat start to go out for 2 hours etc. Build it up.
For now pretend you don't notice he is sulking. Go on with your day. If it gains him nothing there is no point in it. He will look like a fool.
When there is 2 children you often need 2 pair of hands. That's just basic stuff. Not total hands on parenting, just survival.
In the 60s my df was very busy at work but as soon as he came inside it was hands on. No discussion..just row in.
Surely in this day and age he can stretch to a bit of parenting.
Don't bow down. Keep ignoring his childish behaviour.

[LinoleumBlownapart]

I often wonder if the parent button hasn't been switched on yet. When the kids were little and crying from hunger we'd both feel that stabbing anxiety. We couldn't function until they'd been fed and taken care of. I couldn't imagine DH having a leisurely shower while someone was screaming for food. It's odd. I suggest throwing him in at the deep end, it's sink or swim. Maybe some time actually parenting his child might make the parenting skill kick in.
My DH works more than 9-5, he's expected to work 24/7. He still manages to parent.

[costacoffeecup]

Fuck that.

DP is a cyclist but he works it round the time he spends with our four year old and newborn.

[Prinlllu]

Are you in Kingston? I am not far from there. On Sunday morning, I go for a long walk for a few hours, leave the kids at home, turn off your phone and accompany me. That will teach him how to parent his own children. And when you get home, don’t do anything, go in the guest room, close the door and sleep. If he ask you anything, tell him you are tired and need a rest and to relax because you ain’t a machine who can work 7 days a week.

[costacoffeecup]

And he does ALL the cooking (I am hopeless) and strangely washes his own clothes. Maybe I should start appreciating him more 😳

[SometimesIGetNervous]

So now you’ve stood up to him he’s punishing you. What a twat.

[thepartysover]

This is bonkers as others have observed. The asking has to stop. You have equal responsibility for the needs of your children. You are both doing a full time job.

I live next door to a family with a similar dynamic, and (surprise!) the husband is a cyclist. Bizarre.

[littlemeitslyn]

F**k wit 🙄