What do you think of drugs?

[ChickenMom]

I’m wondering what everybody’s opinion of Cannabis is? Are you ok with it? Am I just being an out of date prude? We have two small children and my DH smokes joints everyday. Apart from stinking out the house, I find it affects his motivation, energy and moods. Is it something you’d be ok with? It’s not hard core drugs and I guess I should just get over it but I do think how would he feel if I was downing a bottle of wine every day? Wondering what the general consensus of mumsnet is

No I would not be ok with that.

He’s constantly stoned. So he’s not pulling his weight with housework and childcare. It’s expensive, so he’s not contributing fully to the household finances
It’s toxic - the smoke will cling to clothes and surfaces. Your kids will smell of weed at school and believe me people will notice that.

He sounds like a total loser, frankly. No, I wouldn’t put up.

If anyone tried to smoke in my house I wouldn't be held responsible for my actions - And I smoke!!!! (not drugs)
Smoking drugs in the house with kids in it - no way!!!!
I think cannabis may be OK if it's done on the odd occasion.
But everyday!!
Not a chance.

I don't care what all the pro people say, it fucks with your head when smoked all the time.
I've seen the results of sustained abuse of this drug.
If he can't take it outside then he can't smoke.
I can't believe you let him smoke inside the house.
Not on at all.

No its not something I'd be ok with

Occasional recreational use is ok at a party but not everyday and not when it makes him less of a good dad which it must. Probably not great for your children to be breathing in all that smoke either.

My exh had used it regularly as a teenager /20's and it has long lasting very negative effects. He was a paranoid, neurotic twat at times. Not an attractive quality in someone who should be able to hold down an adult relationship.

I wouldn't be happy with it in the house. I wouldn't be happy if it is affecting our relationship (mood swings etc). I wouldn't be happy if his fix became more important than family time/me.

Therefore in your situation I wouldn't be happy.

I have no issue with occasional weed usage but not when it becomes habit or overtakes normal life. My DH isn't interested in weed, however I will (very) occasionally partake when with a specific friend (probably twice a year, not at my home, not when i have parental responsibility or will do whilst impaired).

Wine however, is legally purchased. Cannabis is a Class B drug.

Do you think you are an out of date prude?.

A more pertinent question is why you are together at all given that his primary relationship seems to be with this substance rather than you as his family. You all run a dim and distant second place to his drug addiction.

I would also think your children are aware that daddy smokes this every day as well. If this stinks out your house then it is on your clothes also, it permeates everything.

My abusive ex was a heavy cannabis smoker. I’d never get involved with anyone again who smoked it. Apart from the stink of it (and that alone is enough to put me off), I found it made him lazy, and uninterested in doing anything. He was also paranoid and got incredibly stressed if he didn’t have it.

I do think it effects different people in different ways though. A bit like alcohol, I’m sure there are some people who can use it now and again to relax with no issues. But like anything, it’s when it becomes a regular habit it becomes an problem.

You will get loads of people on here saying it’s fine and no worse than wine etc but I disagree

1. It’s illegal
2. Its effects seem to vary wildly. I know someone who became completely paranoid-ended up leaving his job etc
3. It’s a gateway to other drugs
4. Studies show weed smokers to be less successful in life in general-more likely to lose jobs/become homeless etc
5. What example is it to kids?

That’s the issue. He’s not a loser. He’s very wealthy. Our kids adore him and he’s currently fixing a broken kitchen appliance. He does school pick ups and drop offs and plays with the kids. Gets stuck in with housework if I ask but when he’s smoking he’s spaced out and not able to engage with me emotionally. Then when he’s not smoking he’s moody and on a downer so still not able to engage with me apart from on a basic level. It’s not black and white and that’s the problem. If he was a loser then it would be easy to walk away!

I don’t let him smoke inside the house. Our garage is attached to the house. He smokes in there but he won’t open the back door unless I prod him. But it stinks out the house anyway...I’ve now said you have to go outside but it’s tiring and exhausting to keep having these conversations. Feels like dealing with a rebellious teenager? I’m a total non smoker so I’m aware I may be a bit OTT judgey with it so wanted to canvas general opinion

Drugs are bad, mkay.

Why should you get over it?

I wouldn't tolerate it and I sure as hell wouldn't allow it to be smoked in a house with children or pets.

I'm not a prude. I've done more than my fair share of illegal substances but there's a time and a place and every day in your children home is not it.

It’s an addiction just like any other and unfortunately he has to want to stop or you are just wasting your energy.

Sorry about south park quote couldn’t help it.

I think if you have few responsibilities like children and a partner and normal life obligations and it’s not bothering anyone, sure, fine, not great for your health if you’re smoking it, but not affecting anyone but yourself. But if you have a busy life with things to get done, a partner who isn’t comfortable with it and children you have to be responsible for, no. I would say it is similar to downing a bottle of wine (at least for me) and that’s not something I’d do every day. In terms of second hand smoke and legal risks, it’s not something I’d be doing at all as a parent or someone who is responsible about working and keeping a job (obviously getting caught buying it could have serious impacts on ability to work). I think there’s a time in life for that (I certainly enjoyed that time), but if you’re settling down with children, that time has passed.

If you've got neighbours close by they likely won't be thrilled with the stink wafting into their gardens either. I wouldn't.

It's possible to be both wealthy and a loser.

It sounds like he may have some mental health or emotional issues that he is trying to self-medicate. Marijuana doesn’t have physically addictive properties, so he shouldn’t be experiencing withdrawal when he’s not using. His attitude toward you may be indicative of more going on beneath the surface.

I’m completely fine with occasional, responsible weed smoking, but I would not be ok with it every day, and certainly not in my home. If he’s a good father and husband, I wouldn’t have a problem with him smoking once in a while, but it doesn’t sound like he is being a good husband right now. That’s your issue, really.

As far as marijuana being a “gateway drug,” as one poster stated, that’s completely untrue and has been disproven.

So he is a rich loser then and a parent also who is really only doing what millions of other people do each day i.e. collect the children to and from school. If you are pleased by that and him fixing a broken appliance then your boundaries need urgent raising. I would think the other parents give him a wide berth particularly if he is on a downer. Besides which when is he ever not smoking or on a downer from this?.

What do you get out of this relationship now, what is in the payoff for you here?. Something keeps you with this addict so what is it?.

You have a choice re him and your children do not. They have to follow your lead.

I am a smoker (regular cigarettes only, never tried any other type and not interested), and I would never agree to my partner smoking weed.

First of all, it’s obviously unhealthy and I’ve been told it affects concentration & mind over time, secondly it stinks! I wouldn’t expose myself to that smell, nevermind my children!

Not good. DH was a daily weed smoker but stopped before DD was born 12 weeks ago. He's gone 4 months now and not touched it. I didn't think he'd manage so well. If he was doing it now with having a child I'd be giving him an ultimatum personally.

Attila - I do think I’m a boring prude to be honest. I’ve always been like that. I’m not into any of that stuff and I don’t even like seeing people snog in the street or tv..so I’m aware I’m a bit repressed. That’s why I need an outside opinion on this because it seems that everyone does these sort of things. A lot of my friends seem to smoke joints and it feels like it’s considered “normal”. I’ve never done any drugs so it’s all totally alien to me but then I don’t do cigarettes either because the whole thing just seems disgusting. I don’t want to punish my partner for my hang ups though if smoking a joint once or twice a day is generally considered “no biggie”

You know that picks and drop offs and housework are just what everyone should be doing anyway? It’s not like he needs a medal for it.

I could deal with very occasional use if he was at a party or something. Daily? Not a chance.

The smell is awful - your kids are going to school smelling of dope. They will at some point either be teased and/or this will be noted by staff. Who may feel they have a statutory duty to report this.

It’s toxic - smoke in your home means ALL of you are exposed, both by inhaling second hand smoke and by third hand smoke (google it) on clothes and surfaces.

I would be sitting him down and telling him it needs to stop. He’s affecting the whole family. Selfish bugger, as all addicts are

I think theres a massive double standard in British culture where drinking in excessive quantities is seen as a bit of a wink wink nudge nudge laugh and weed is this massive horrific addiction.

People seeing a light spliff of an evening as something illegal and fucked up and wrong, but seeing three glasses of wine a night as them "winding down" and "treating themselves".

I would consider smoking weed on the exact same level as alcohol.
So 2 beers a night or a small spliff a night after work? Fine.
Guzzling half a bottle or getting baked after work? No.

Drugs are fine for medicinal purposes. Otherwise... what effects do they have?

Addictive behaviour, money pit, detrimental to health and those around you and many other negative traits. Smoking around children is something I look down on in any capacity because yes like you said smoking is disgusting, nicotine IS a drug, weed IS a drug. You have children, why do either of you think it's OK to smoke illegal drugs around them?

Thanks splendidisolation. Good to get another take on it. I think that’s going to be the focus of my discussion with him. One spliff in the evening once the kids are in bed and it’s outside away from the house is ok but stinking out the house is not and during the day is not

Seriously... the concept of ‘a light spliff’

It IS different. A beer an evening is consumed only by the drinker. If the kids are in bed it has no effect on them. A ‘light spliff’ (ffs) is smoked and everyone has to live with the stench of it, plus the second hand and third hand smoke.

He’s smoking indoors or coming back in in the same clothes. The kids will reek of it. The house will reek of it. Poor kids :(
He’s doing the school run - if he’s stoned daily he WILL still be under the influence - is he driving them?
He’s zoning out - which means he’s checking out of family life.

This isn’t the same as a couple of joints over at Daves house twice a year at a party with no kids about. This is daily usage of something that’s affected them all.