What do you think of drugs?

[ChickenMom]

I’m wondering what everybody’s opinion of Cannabis is? Are you ok with it? Am I just being an out of date prude? We have two small children and my DH smokes joints everyday. Apart from stinking out the house, I find it affects his motivation, energy and moods. Is it something you’d be ok with? It’s not hard core drugs and I guess I should just get over it but I do think how would he feel if I was downing a bottle of wine every day? Wondering what the general consensus of mumsnet is

Dude (Chickenmom)
There's a reason smoking the gange is called getting baked.
You get baked, eyes glazed, glued to the sofa.
It's a sedative and makes you docile.

It's your house and life but God forbid there's an emergency and you need him on his A game and he's wasted.

I do not think you are prudish but more pertinently why are you and he together at all now?. What is in this for you?. You are all being exposed to his cannabis usage and the money that he is spending on it is taking money away from your family.

And yes alcohol is a drug too. It's just because it's traditional (as well as nicotine) that it's deemed fine to have in excess. If these were discovered today they would be made illegal.

Yeah! I mean I would generally have a very light one at the end of most evenings. I meet my work deadlines, feed and play with my cats, cook an evening meal and manage to do laundry most days on top of my awful addiction ;)

No double standards here. If him smoking is rendering him useless at home every day then it's as inappropriate as him getting drunk every evening. One isn't necessarily worse than the other. One of them is illegal though.

I guess the kids can't have any friends over if the house smells like a weed farm?

Rhubarbking - you are absolutely right 😞 I don’t want to divorce him though so if there are any “stoners” on here - how do I go about having this discussion with him? How do I even start getting him to realise that this is not on? Advice from people who know about or been through this very much appreciated please

I think any discussion you have with him on this subject will be a wasted effort as he could simply accuse you of nagging and being prudish.

How often is this man not smoking or otherwise on a comedown from this?. That's what you need to consider here; not simply putting in more boundaries that he could well choose to ignore. You are showing him that currently at least there are no serious consequences from you to him for his actions.

Well take care of the cats - cats who live in smokers homes have significantly raised incidence of many cancers because the toxins in smoke adhere to the fur, they lick them off and ingest them. Third hand smoke

Also, if you’re smoking every night, you will still have it in your system in the morning if you drive (half life of the main compound THC is quite long.) THC is fat soluble, so it isn’t eliminated easily. Because it has a long half life, it tends to build up in habitual users, so someone who smokes 3-5x is continuously affected to some degree

Tell me you’re not an air traffic controller or a neurosurgeon.., ;)

Some of these comments are insane! Of course you can smoke a light spliff and not get baked, same as those of you who have a few drinks in the evening arent I presume getting absolutely shit faced.
And of course that doesnt mean you wake up still stoned in the same way I assume most of you arent doing the school run still pissed from your binge drinking the night before.

Im generally pretty productive as well when I've had my evening smoke. I'll play some guitar or do some writing, not passed out with eyes glazed on the sofa.

Anyway OP it all depends on how he smokes and how you instinctively feel about it. Nobody can really tell you if its right or wrong. Good luck!

Cats? Have I missed something? We don’t have cats!

A "comedown" from smoking a spliff. Wow. Peak MN!

Examine your own reasons very carefully as to why you do not want to divorce him. You are getting something out of this relationship but you will not or cannot (that is just as likely) say what that is.

3-5x a week that should say.

Could that be an in for you OP? The fact that it’s affecting the children (smell, second and third hand smoke.) and the fact that he WILL be under the influence continuously and thus is not safe to drive ?

Oh ok - just realised that the cat comment wasn’t aimed at me!

Yes Anatidae that could be the way to do it. Thanks

Pharmacokinetics don’t lie ;)

If you smoke 3+ times a week you’re consistently under the effects of THC. You will develop a tolerance to the point you may not notice it, and people are actually really really bad at noticing when they are impaired (I’ve done the ‘simple times tables’ excercises when diving at 30m+ and while I’d have sworn I was fine I in fact was mildly narked...)

It doesn’t matter as long as you do t have kids living with you and you do t do something that needs sharp reflexes, responsibility, driving etc

I’ve got a 20 plus year history with this man and two small kids who adore him and when he’s not smoking and gone long periods without it we get on great. He just has a highly addictive personality (PlayStation games included). He’s interesting, highly intelligent, very generous and very financially able...so lots of positives. This is the only thing that’s coming between us. It makes him lazy relationship wise and emotionally disinterested. It’s a long marriage and marriage ain’t always a bed of roses so I’d rather try to sort it first.

Good luck OP.

Decide what you can tolerate and go from there. He will tell you you’re boring/nagging/prudish and all the rest of it. He will tell you that HEs not affected, nosiree, not him, he’s just fine. He will be grumpy.

Anatidae - he may be the exception to the rule then because he’s having a joint and then writing/reading genius level mathematics/physics. Stuff that makes my brain melt. It’s why he’s so financially rich. Genius level. It doesn’t appear to affect that ability in him. Part of me thinks that his brain works at such a genius level that he gets very bored, very quickly with “regular” life and so needs the fix to bring his brain down into the normality that the rest of us exist in

Smoking it every day? No. Weekends maybe, but it shouldn't be every single day. It should be an occasional treat for him. He is an undisciplined druggie.

Don’t fall for the poor genius shit.

It doesn’t matter if he’s coming back to the house and throwing gold bars at the kitchen table. If he’s making the house stink and endangering the kids he needs to fucking stop.

Tell him to take up yoga or something,

I wouldn't be OK with anything that was seriously affecting my relationship, the health of me and my kids, and / or an ability to function as a an adult. Whether that's drink, drugs, whatever. I say that as someone who likes a drink and has the occasional (once a year?) spliff.

You seem also to be getting hung up on the sunken costs fallacy and that is also enabling you to keep on making poor relationship decisions. Your desire to fix this as well means you are still making excuses for him at the overall cost to you and your children who are also growing up thinking that this is "normal". A bad investment is not going to suddenly come good.

Is this really what you want to teach your children about relationships; is yours the sort of relationship you would want them to have as adults?. No. Well you are showing them that this is acceptable to you on some level and now you're going to try and talk to him. How many times have you already done this before I wonder?.

I would also tell you not to fall for his poor genius shit either. I doubt very much he is writing at the academic level you state either; just because you do not understand it does not mean its at the genius level you think it is.

I don't have a problem with occasional drug use to be honest. But every day? No way.