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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What do you think of drugs?

124 replies

ChickenMom · 21/11/2017 10:46

I’m wondering what everybody’s opinion of Cannabis is? Are you ok with it? Am I just being an out of date prude? We have two small children and my DH smokes joints everyday. Apart from stinking out the house, I find it affects his motivation, energy and moods. Is it something you’d be ok with? It’s not hard core drugs and I guess I should just get over it but I do think how would he feel if I was downing a bottle of wine every day? Wondering what the general consensus of mumsnet is

OP posts:
MrsMarigold · 21/11/2017 13:37

Does your DH possibly have ADHD? My good friend tells me that her shrink said some people who are ADHD struggle to feel relaxed and work efficiently, taking drugs or drinking heavily enables them to relax and a rare few find this helps them work better.she is passionate about getting children to manage ADHD in childhood to avoid the drug trap later.

Also I know plenty of people who have a spliff every night, who hold down high powered jobs and have kids. Personally I don't think it's unusual, although I'd kill DH if he started, it's just a bit juvenile.

Good luck, I really feel for you, in terms of the smell would dope cookies not be a better option, as they are less stinky. You could ration them.

purpleangel17 · 21/11/2017 13:44

Personally, I wouldn't accept any use of illegal drugs in a partner. I have never taken illegal drugs and have never seen the attraction. Cannabis stinks as well. I don't pretend to know the ins and outs of the cannabis legalisation debate but the fact is despite several efforts over the year to legalise it, it is illegal. And that for me would be the main reason why it was over the line.

I have an ex who was a genius at Maths/Physics kind of stuff. He had no common sense though and was extremely selfish. I would rather have the common sense and kindness.

ChickenMom · 21/11/2017 13:49

Well trying to talk to him about it went well. He’s just stormed out of the house 😩

OP posts:
ChickenMom · 21/11/2017 13:50

Purpleangel17 totally agree!

OP posts:
Oddsocksagain · 21/11/2017 13:53

Why is alcohol legal and cannabis not?

Revenue and control!

hellsbellsmelons · 21/11/2017 13:59

Well that was a grown up response.
I think he's proving the point many have made very well right now!!!

Moodykat · 21/11/2017 14:08

I agree with splendid but I know it's not a popular view on here!

Moodykat · 21/11/2017 14:09

Oh gosh...and the thread has progressed A LOT since. Note to self - refresh page before posting!

Branleuse · 21/11/2017 14:15

Maybe consider how someone might feel if their partner decided that they should not take their antidepressants, or anxety meds anymore.

If he feel like he needs it to function, then hes going to not be very open to just being told to stop it

Ttbb · 21/11/2017 14:20

It's no different to heavy drinking. Only ok is you have no responsibilities I.e. Most definitely not ok for a parent.

TammySwansonTwo · 21/11/2017 14:40

People will tell you that you can't get addicted to weed. That's nonsense. Have known several pot addictis, one I lived with at uni who smoked almost constanfly and it affected her and us badly. My brother is another and it has really affected his mental health.

No way he should be smoking anywhere that gets into the house. I smoke cigarettes and haven't smoked indoors for years, even before kids.

The evenings when the babies are in bed is our only time as a couple - of my husband spent all that time stoned (or drunk) I'd be seriously pissed off.

PsychedelicSheep · 21/11/2017 14:54

Honestly OP, mumsnet is not the best place to get sensible advice and info on cannabis. Most people on this thread have never smoked a spliff in their life and don’t know anyone who has so can’t really give informed advice. They don’t see a lot of difference between smoking a spliff and being passed out in a stairwell with a needle in your arm.

The reality is that vaping weed is far less damaging to the body than smoking cigarettes or drinking alcohol. Professor Nutt published a study on harm and substance use which showed this unequivocally.

I assume your DH is in his 30s or older? The chances of him now developing cannabis psychosis are almost none, this affects teens/early 20s and actually the evidence that cannabis ‘causes’ psychosis is far from conclusive anyway being that the age group most likely to experience emerging psychotic illness is the age group that is most likely to smoke it, and a correlation does not prove a causal relationship.

I am a middle class professional, and as such most of my friends are middle class professionals too. Almost everyone smokes/vapes weed the odd evening and this has no ill effects on anyone’s lives, kids, jobs etc. (Obviously I can’t say that means no ones life is affected, just that it’s not a given).

The main thing that would bother me from what you’ve posted is that he can’t emotionally connect with you when he’s had a smoke. That would bother me too, and you should be able to raise it with him without him storming off Hmm
Many posters on here have said similar about their partners after a couple of drinks, so I don’t think it’s just a weed issue per se.

I would explain to him how his use of it made me feel rather than passing judgement on whether he should/shouldn’t be using it from a moral/legal perspective.

Barbaro · 21/11/2017 15:17

Don't like it. My boyfriend used to smoke weed before he got together with me and for a little while at the beginning of our relationship. I didn't mind so much if he continued doing it, but not around me and I told him he couldn't talk to me while under the influence of it. He stopped because of that.

Daughterofanarc · 21/11/2017 15:58

The guy I'm seeing smokes most evenings. We don't have kids though

Creambun2 · 21/11/2017 16:31

Every time there is a thread like this someone pops up and says "yep loads of well paid middle class professionals are doing weed on the odd evening". Really? Not something I see in such circles.

PsychedelicSheep · 21/11/2017 16:35

Creambun - it’s definitely the case in my circle, and those of friends of friends. Very commonplace ime. Should add we are late 30s.

splendidisolation · 21/11/2017 16:36

@PsychedelicSheep
Me too.

I know this is an insane idea, Creambun, but did it ever occur to you that different circles may have different lifestyles?

TammySwansonTwo · 21/11/2017 16:50

Yeah, I disapprove because I've never smoked a spliff my life...Hmm

Believe me, having spent my formative years being surrounded by, and being, a tedious pothead is exactly why I find the idea of a grown man and father smoking weed nightly so awful.

WombOfOnesOwn · 21/11/2017 17:04

I live in California, where you can phone up a totally legal delivery service and have marijuana at your door within an hour, or go to a dispensary and choose your strain by smelling a bunch of them. Marijuana is legal and PLENTIFUL here.

My husband and I are both multiple-times-daily marijuana smokers. We use it to control anxiety issues and pain that would otherwise require opioid medications (my husband had an injury that resulted in 5 knee surgeries including getting cartilage from a corpse -- thanks to marijuana, he is able to walk without a cane most days).

We have air filters in the house to keep the smell mostly at bay. We also find that the legal marijuana strains marketed in California smell less bad than marijuana in places where it's illegal wherever it's illegal, it's stinkier and more acrid, I suspect because one of the biggest things they breed these new legal strains for is a gorgeous scent some smell like lemon, or grape, or herbaceous florals. Mm.

I work in a creative field and often do work while under the influence of marijuana. My husband loves it before doing housework (he is a SAHD and does most chores), lets it all go by in a lovely pleasant haze.

And now I tell you the thing that will really shock -- I have a nearly-two-year-old toddler and another baby on the way. I smoked all through my pregnancy with my 20-month-old DS. Everyone says he's the happiest child they've ever seen, he knows all his colors and shapes and can name every letter of the alphabet, has a vocabulary of nearly 1000 words, has memorized picture books intended for children more than twice his age. He has been sick just twice in his life, both times with a mild fever for less than 48 hours.

In the last 3 years, while being a multiple-times-daily smoker and while dealing with pregnancy and birth and all that, I've increased my salary from $35,000 a year to $95,000 a year and am now getting recruited for jobs paying $150,000-180,000, though I don't want to leave my current employer until I have this baby and my mat leave is done (it's hard to get mat leave in the US, and I want to stick where I've got it "good" with 8 paid weeks, no joke, that's "good" here).

In places where marijuana is legal and easily obtained, people are much more relaxed about it and it's not generally considered to be scandalous to be around children with it. God knows it was far, far more harmful for kids to be exposed to cigarette smoke and cigarettes left around constantly -- tobacco is highly toxic if swallowed, while marijuana buds are not psychoactive until they are heated to a nice toasty brown, so if a child or pet ingested them, it would be a waste of perfectly good marijuana but would not have any effects on them except perhaps a very herby bowel movement.

For me, having my anxiety relieved is so great, it's enabled me to move up the career ladder and have babies. I have a lovely bond with my son and hope to have a similar one with DS2 due in March. Plus ... it's WAY more interesting to play toddler games when you're stoned. This is just god's honest truth. We've gotten (mildly) frustrated with DS less than half a dozen times in his entire life, and never get bored of playing pat-a-cake for the millionth time. He giggles, we giggle.

ALL THIS HAVING BEEN SAID: If your husband checks out on responsibilities while he's using, then that's no good! If you can't handle your stuff, then you shouldn't be using at a time when you have family and housework duties. I am probably one of the most pro-marijuana posters here, and even I think that it sounds like he's using this as an excuse.

PsychedelicSheep · 21/11/2017 17:05

Sure. I said most not all though.

PsychedelicSheep · 21/11/2017 17:09

Wombofonesown - that sounds like a lovely lifestyle you have. And with the beautiful weather out there too, I’m jealous!

I do think it will be legal here one day, just a question of when not it now.

Anatidae · 21/11/2017 17:21

womb

Do you drive?

Creambun2 · 21/11/2017 17:22

And now I tell you the thing that will really shock -- I have a nearly-two-year-old toddler and another baby on the way. I smoked all through my pregnancy with my 20-month-old DS. Everyone says he's the happiest child they've ever seen, he knows all his colors and shapes and can name every letter of the alphabet, has a vocabulary of nearly 1000 words, has memorized picture books intended for children more than twice his age. He has been sick just twice in his life, both times with a mild fever for less than 48 hours

Please don't try and justify smoking when pregnant with boasts about your child Hmm

WombOfOnesOwn · 21/11/2017 17:38

I could always use anti-anxiety meds while pregnant instead -- with //many more side effects than marijuana. Please do research, you'll see that the only potential impacts noted for marijuana use in pregnancy have to do with a slight increase in risk of ADHD. Anti-anxiety meds have substantially more impact, unfortunately. If I had neither, I couldn't hold down my job during pregnancy, and where would my family be?

Yes, we drive. We don't drive within a couple of hours of using marijuana, certainly. We both have spotless driving records, except that I had a speeding ticket once when I was 19 (before I'd ever smoked, FWIW).

PsychedelicSheep · 21/11/2017 17:59

Womb I guess you don’t smoke weed mixed with tobacco which is how most people here in the uk smoke it?

Tobacco is much more harmful and addictive than neat weed is. To foetuses in utero too.