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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Don't know what to do, DP could be cheating?!

102 replies

Kitty399 · 07/06/2017 08:23

Me and my DP have a 6 month old and lately I've been noticing a few 'quirks' of his, I'm starting to believe he's cheating.

It started when I was pregnant, I was in fact a little poorly during pregnancy. DP had me ALWAYS in the bedroom, I'd tell him I needed to clean and do things but no he wanted me in the bedroom, I told him I hated it being alone all day and he said he just wanted me to rest.
At night times I'd hear the camera sound go off on his iPad.

Lately it's gotten worse, I'll walk into the room and he'll quickly turn his iPad off, I've walked in before and he was on snapchat but then quickly turned it off. He's left the iPad on the couch on a snapchat and I've walked in so he's threw a pillow over it.
There's photos of him 'posing' on the iPad.

I can't sleep well because I'm pretty sure this all equal cheating.
I've asked him who he's talking to and he's basically said 'oh it's tom, you know tom, we are just talking about games'.
I've dropped so many hints and told him if I find he is cheating, that's it for us and I'd be taking LO.

I'm STILL stuck in the bedroom, I come out and clean then he tells me to go relax or something to get me back in here.

I have no proof and don't know what to do, I can't just look though his iPad..

OP posts:
QuiteLikely5 · 07/06/2017 08:25

This is outrageous! He sticks you and your child in a room all day and you stay there?

Similarly why has this man not got a job?

Please throw his iPad in the bin or sell it

SafeToCross · 07/06/2017 08:27

It doesn't sound like much of a life. Why don't you start by saying no, I am not going to spend my life in the bedroom. Then think about how you are going to have the conversation about him leaving.

RibCage · 07/06/2017 08:28

I'd leave him anyway. It's very abusive to confine someone to a bedroom. And he sounds untrustworthy, yes.

Original poster
Kitty399 · 07/06/2017 08:29

I will admit LO has a milk allergy and needs constant care, he cries if I hold him but won't let me put him down so I let him lie his head in my lap whilst he's on the bed.
He's happy like that.

But DP seems to urge me to stay in here with him, so that in itself is a little confusing...

OP posts:
MrsJamesMathews · 07/06/2017 08:29

Are you saying you've been living in your bedroom for the last 12 months?

Do you ever leave the house?

What does your 6 month old do all day?

Why are you staying bed just because he tells you to? What happens if you give him a Confused look and sat "err, no thanks".?

Yes he's cheating. But that's the least of your worries.

user1488270932 · 07/06/2017 08:30

Why the fuck are you staying cooped up in the bedroom for?? Defo sounds dodgy. I walked in unexpectedly on an ex of mine who was on his laptop. He hasn't time to drop window down and I caught a glimpse of screen. He had taken a photo of himself. I never let on I'd noticed and was talking to him. His face was bright red. Guilty as fuck.

As soon as he went out I got my laptop on and went onto a dating site , one we had met on. Found his profile on it. With the pic I had seen earlier.

Trust your gut. Hes up to no good.

RibCage · 07/06/2017 08:30

He's a knob and yes he's obviously up to something.

Pinkknickers · 07/06/2017 08:31

He tells you to stay in the bedroom? Suspected cheating aside, confining you to your bedroom is odd behaviour alone. Please don't stay in the bedroom because he tells you to. Does he work?

MrsJamesMathews · 07/06/2017 08:31

Does your 6 month old not get floor play time? Tummy time? A bouncy chair time? You can't both be in bed all day, surely??

Original poster
Kitty399 · 07/06/2017 08:34

We have wooden floors so he doesn't go on them, we do go out and go in other room just not the living room, but we are mostly in here.
He gets tummy time on the bed and seems happiest here. But as I said LOs milk allergy does make it difficult to hold him or put him down.

OP posts:
MrsJamesMathews · 07/06/2017 08:38

Why don't you go in the living room? Because your OH tells you not to?

Do you leave the house?

memyselfandaye · 07/06/2017 08:39

Why do you go away when he tells you to?

Why do you put up with this? Cheating or not he's a twat, and I guarantee not one person reading your posts is thinking "he sounds like a good bloke".

Onceafortnight · 07/06/2017 08:41

You're not allowed around the house including your own living room?

Just say, we're all feeling better today so will be back in the living room. And do it.

Seriously weird.

Original poster
Kitty399 · 07/06/2017 08:41

We go out when LO is calm, he screams a lot because of his allergy so we don't go out much.

Going into the living room either ends with DP telling me to relax in the bedroom or LO crying so I brining him back in the bed room to calm him.

OP posts:
Onceafortnight · 07/06/2017 08:42

You can do the lying on your lap thing on the settee.

Onceafortnight · 07/06/2017 08:43

Let him cry in the living room.

MrsJamesMathews · 07/06/2017 08:43

Why are you with this man?

Do you realise his behaviour is beyond abnormal?

Nice, well adjusted people don't behave like this.

ChrisPrattsFace · 07/06/2017 08:44

First, please leave that room.
Put something comfortable on, go and make yourself a nice cup of tea, and get your ass in that living room! every day, stay there till late into the night. Do not let him dictate where YOU are allowed to go in YOUR house.
He sounds awful, and he sounds like - if he's not cheating he definitely has something to hide.

hellsbellsmelons · 07/06/2017 08:46

You absolutely must contact Womens Aid as soon as you get the chance to.
0808 2000 247
The number will not appear on any bills.
You need a safe exit plan to get away from this situation.
It's not normal at all.
That is something you need to understand immediately.
Yes, he's cheating. So what???
It's not the cheating you should be worried about.
Get away from him as quickly as you possibly can.
Do NOT tell him you are thinking of leaving.
Do it safely with the help of Womens Aid.

Sushi123 · 07/06/2017 08:47

You need to get some help kitty. Do you have a relative or good friend you can talk to. This situation is in no way normal. If I were you I would pack and leave today, whether he's having an affair or not - he's an a**hole

unicorn5629 · 07/06/2017 08:48

It's like you and your DS are prisoners in your own house. Not to sound patronising forgive me but I can't help but feel that when you say "he's happiest in there" it's because you've been conditioned to think that by your controlling husband (no D about it!). Please leave...

Pinkknickers · 07/06/2017 08:49

At this point OP, I wouldn't be concerned about him cheating, I'd be more concerned about his need to have you shut in your bedroom. That's not healthy for you or your LO.

SparklyMagpie · 07/06/2017 08:52

I can't believe this. Do not let him dictate where you can go in your house!

As another poster said, i'd be more concerned about this than cheating

alltalknobaby · 07/06/2017 08:52

This banishing you to the bedroom stuff is very disturbing. You need to find a way to say no DP, I'd rather be in the living room. I'm sure you can find a set up that works for you and LO to be comfy on the sofa, or put some blankets/duvet on the floor.

I'd also definitely be finding a way to look at who he is messaging.

SparklyMagpie · 07/06/2017 08:53

Actually, what does he do to help out with the baby? How can you relax all the time with a 6 month old?

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