Don't know what to do, DP could be cheating?!

[Kitty399]

Me and my DP have a 6 month old and lately I've been noticing a few 'quirks' of his, I'm starting to believe he's cheating.

It started when I was pregnant, I was in fact a little poorly during pregnancy. DP had me ALWAYS in the bedroom, I'd tell him I needed to clean and do things but no he wanted me in the bedroom, I told him I hated it being alone all day and he said he just wanted me to rest.
At night times I'd hear the camera sound go off on his iPad.

Lately it's gotten worse, I'll walk into the room and he'll quickly turn his iPad off, I've walked in before and he was on snapchat but then quickly turned it off. He's left the iPad on the couch on a snapchat and I've walked in so he's threw a pillow over it.
There's photos of him 'posing' on the iPad.

I can't sleep well because I'm pretty sure this all equal cheating.
I've asked him who he's talking to and he's basically said 'oh it's tom, you know tom, we are just talking about games'.
I've dropped so many hints and told him if I find he is cheating, that's it for us and I'd be taking LO.

I'm STILL stuck in the bedroom, I come out and clean then he tells me to go relax or something to get me back in here.

I have no proof and don't know what to do, I can't just look though his iPad..

Its not uncalled for kitty, this is deeply disturbing and upsetting that you and your baby are living like this.
You have been conditioned, it is not healthy
Nobody is having a go at you, we are concerned
What happens when your lo is toddling are you still going to be confined to your bedroom?
This is not healthy for your child at all or you, but you have an obligation to not allow your child to grow up like this

Your baby will be mobile very soon. You won't be doing much lying on the bed then! He will be wanting to be on the floor and crawling around and trying to keep him restrained will result in more screaming.
I don't understand why you have to be in the bedroom, surely it would make more sense for your husband to be in the bedroom and you in the rest of the house, if he wants to spend the whole day on the iPad? Why does he need to be on the sofa for that?

I'd expect he's telling everyone he's single and there's less evidence of 'you' in the rest of the place than in the bedroom. Get out now, before your baby gets mobile and too used to being restricted.

Op

Him cheating is the least of your problems (I'm surprised I'm saying that)

If your baby is crying a lot due to his allergy then you should call your GP again - he should not be screaming if he has been prescribed dairy free formula?

forget the relationship for the moment and focus on the fact that you're a mother now, that's the most important thing, your baby comes first and I'm sorry to say that you are not doing the best thing by your child.
We are not talking about a tiny newborn, your LO is now of an age where they're starting to need stimulation, developing motor skills, discovering the world around them etc etc, how is your having any kind of life cooped up in one room, spending all day on the bloody bed?
I don't care if he's cheating or taking part in webcam wanking and neither should you, you are both responsible for the needs of your child and you are both neglecting those needs.
Pick the goddamn baby up and go in the lounge now, who cares if the floors are wood? Put a blanket down, buy a play nest whatever. Get a sling and go for a walk, every day. This is no life for a child and tbh I think you're hiding behind the milk allergy because it stops you having to face real life, the fact that your partner is a cheat and the fact that your baby is not having the life he/she deserves.
Tell him you not be confined to the bedroom anymore, if he wants to get his cock out on Snapchat then HE can go to the bedroom.
Your LO is probably screaming because they're bored rigid, under stimulated and picking up on the very disturbing vibe that is coming from you.

This reminds me of the short story "yellow wallpaper".
My ex was a bit like this, always trying to get me to take a nap in my room because I was tired.

I've talked to DP and explained a few things, hes explained he honest just didn't want me to be moving about to much and just wanted me to relax since he knows my health is bad and LO is so difficult. He said he's offered to help with baby and I've refused so he's just left me to it.

I've not mentioned me thinking he's cheating but may do a little rooting and find out myself.

I don think I'll be posting again

Your poor baby, must be bored stiff!

Thats no way for a child to live, or anyone for that matter

Very worrying

Your baby needs stimulation - NEEDS to be seeing different rooms and sights. They cannot, at 6 months, spend most of their time lying on the same bed in the same room, milk allergy or not!

What's the most disturbing thing about this thread is that the op doesn't think there is anything wrong with how her baby is growing up

Go to your GP, talk to your health visitor, go out for a walk every morning.

This is abusive, OP. You need to be allowed to do whatever you want in your own home. He has no right to restrict you and your child to one room of the house. And even though you say you can go downstairs, he obviously makes it awkward and uncomfortable for you to do this. That is controlling and abusive behaviour.

Please don't have a go at other people. They are trying to show you that this is absolutely not normal and not okay. You need freedom in your home and your baby needs to be stimulated - he/she needs to be going outdoors, experiencing new sights, smells and sounds, and they just can't get all that when they're shut in one room all day.

If you spoke to SS about this, they would quite rightly fear for your safety. Please get some help and leave this man. This is horrifying behaviour on his part.

OP, you cannot live your life (or your baby either) as a prisoner in your bedroom at the say so of your partner, that is truly awful. You are a grown woman, not a child, your partner has absolutely no right to tell you what to do or where to be, it is not normal behaviour. We on mumsnet are all concerned about your welfare and that of your baby. Please do find some support and help local to you, as this is not a normal way to live at all. Your partner is being controlling and manipulative - it's understandably difficult to stand up to somebody like this and obviously your relationship with him is more complex than the small window of information we have been given on here, but alarm bells are ringing.

Please don't leave the thread, we just want to help you.

Don't tell me he genuinely thinks you are relaxing or resting with a crying baby confined to one room?

If he really does think you are ill then he can help out in normal ways eg taking you all out, walking the baby down to the park letting you have a bath.

watching porn or chatting to others can be highly addictive. Men fall into this trap easily as they have more free time and can get away with it by using it as an excuse for work.
Something definitely going on... this addiction is hard to stop. I know of some people who would even go for counselling and then be back cheating or exploring. If he is not cheating then this behaviour will eventually lead him to meet someone if he keeps chatting and the excitement peaks.

Your baby may have health issues but in reality your poor baby is most likely bored stiff being stuck at home. At 6 months old mine were rolling around the floors, in door bouncers and baby walkers etc. They were at soft play baby groups and went swimming and were trying new foods. Have you even started weaning yet to reduce the need for milk? could your baby be hungry for food and that is why they are screaming? Christ, my niece was born at 26 weeks and at 6 months old was travelling around Europe with her parents! This is no way for anybody to live.

You have fallen into a sick role and seem happy to let this continue as its easier than doing anything about it. But for your child's sake, you MUST stop this. Your babies first years are crucial in their development and if this continues you are going to affect them for life. They need stimulation and to explore the world not lie on the same bed for 12 hours a day before going to sleep in the same room! Kick your jailer out and get on with your life the way it should be lived!

Dont feel like you cant post, im guessing you are upset with the realisation this isnt good, the focus has become the odd setup rather than your Concerns about him cheating
I gained the confidence to leave a abusive relationship through mumsnet, saw the situation i had normalised was wrong.
I also have poor health. I have ms, i was in a rut, exdp used this to his advantage when it suited him.
I understand x

He shouldn't be offering to help He should be parenting his child.
It isn't your responsibility to be mum and Dad until you leave the sad abuser.
Please open your eyes, this isn't normal and no way for a parent or partner to behave.
For the sake of your childs happiness if not your own, you need to leave this man.
If you can't do it for yourself do it for your child, this man sadly doesn't want to be a father.

Kitty it sounds to me as though you're frightened of the truth, so you don't actually want people pointing out that potential cheating is NOT actually the issue here.

Without wishing to be too harsh - and I'm not scaremongering, I promise - it sounds as though you have been conditioned by your partner; brainwashed almost. You're trying to defend him when it looks as though he's been gaslighting you for months and months.

If you are actually disabled and have no choice but to live in your bedroom, then it's not ideal but it's your life. It won't harm your development as you are an adult. What it will do is institutionalise you and can make you feel very anxious about leaving the room or the house. It definitely sounds as though you could relax just as easily on the sofa.

By keeping your baby cooped up in one room most of the day, you risk harming his development though. Would you do this to a pet dog? I suspect not.

You are making excuses why you keep yourself and your baby in one room for most of the day. Have you got a sling? Could you not carry baby round in a sling during the day? He would still be close to you but at least he could get some mental stimulation and fresh air.

If you don't want to post again, then fair enough, but for your baby's sake, please READ the advice people are giving you. If you can't make changes for your own sake because this man has brainwashed you, then you need to wake up and see what you're doing to your baby.

Your baby needs experiences my love to help his brain develop. I really hope you get the milk allergy resolved soon and kick your dp ether into touch or out of the door.

This must all be very hard to hear.
Do come back when you have more strength and are ready to leave.
Many women on here can guide you through the process.

Kitty, how is your health now? what exactly was wrong with your health during your pregnancy that your partner wanted you confined to your bedroom? I'm just wondering, as if your health is not back to normal yet you should go to the GP.

Are you able to get your baby out for health visitor/GP/weighing appointments? Do you have a health visitor coming to see you? Please mention all this to them about your partner's behaviour and spending most of your time in your bedroom with your baby?

Please please read all the brilliant advice here, people are very concerned for you. None of what you put in your OP sounds remotely normal and something needs to change, for the sake of you and your baby. A baby should be stimulated with a trip out every day, baby groups, singing groups etc. These activities are good for your sanity and your baby.

Wish you and your precious baby all the best for a new, better life.

Kitty, if you don't want to engage with us on this thread that is fine

But please tell your health visitor or GP what you have told us here and get it out in the open.

Op, another post here saying that this is absolutely not normal and not at all healthy for either of you.

How is your mental health? I only ask because I have shut myself off from everything before due to anxiety and depression, it only made things worse. Since you are saying that it is your choice to spend your days alone in the bedroom I would seriously consider that this is not normal and evaluate what's motivating it. It's fine to find things difficult but you need to address this as it is really not healthy for you or for baby. That is IF it is your decision and you are not being pressured into it.

However, If your partner is pushing you to stay locked away you really need to have a think about why you are doing it. If you are afraid or threatened please please speak to womens aid. If you are avoiding spending time with him, please think about leaving.

I know you are upset but your posts read rather strangely and I'm concerned for you. This situation is NOT normal and ultimately can not be healthy for a 6 month old baby.