Should I cut my losses with my new DP?

[CutMyLosses]

Evening all,

I have been seeing a man for 2 months now, we originally met on POF. Front the outset we had bundles of chemistry, there was never an awkward moment and we both agreed it just felt 'right'. It was almost surreal how much we seemed to have in common!

We both have young children and since we met we have been seeing each other around 3 times a week. We have slept together and I will often go to this place and vice versa. We haven't met each others children yet but in all other ways I would consider us mutually exclusive.

So here in lies the problem. I text him earlier to ask when he was free this week and he said he was pretty busy this week as he had some online dates lined up! Naturally I was quite taken aback as I had assumed we were exclusive, despite never having 'the chat'.

I realise we haven't had a conversation to formally agree that we are exclusive, but I feel that after 2 months of seeing each other very frequently it goes without saying? If he felt as strongly as I do about him he wouldn't even want to date other women. Do I just cut my losses with this one?

He's not a DP after 2 months in my book. I wouldn't even have moved him to boyfriend in that time. He'd be "a bloke I was seeing".

He's not as in to you as you are to him. Have the exclusive chat and see what he says. But I think he's cooling you.

Could he, in a very strange way, be testing you to see what your reaction is?

I would be totally straight with him. Say you assumed you were exclusive but maybe you were mistaken?

Wow - that's odd on his behalf imo!

Personally I would move on. Are you sure he wasn't just messing around with you to see what your reaction would be? Xx

Well I'd be gone. Sorry but you are operating off different hymn sheets here. He is have a good time with you but has no idea of any commitment or that he is in an actual relationship. You think you are. I'd move on. I also think it is pretty crummy to see someone 3 times a week, have sex, and not think it relevant to explain that you are also sleeping with other women.

Now he's either doing one of two things

Lying to get a reaction out of you as he stupidly doesn't know how to broach the exclusivity chat and wants to see how you'll react

Still dating as you're not quite good enough in his eyes for long term, but you're good for a shag.

I think you need to ring him to ascertain whether he's a twat or just a fool tbh

Yea i would. If he was that interested he wouldnt be seeing other people at this stage. Three times every week? When does he have the time?!

I wouldn't usually refer to him as a 'DP'. I only did so for the purpose of the title, makes the thread name a lot shorter than 'man I have been seeing for 2 months.'

Could he be attempting to force The Conversation?

If so, it's clumsy and hurtful. I'd come straight out and tell him you're confused about this.

If you don't get what you want from that, bin him.

Cut your losses OP. Yes technically you haven't had the 'chat', but, really, any man worth his salt and who'd slept with you just wouldn't do this. How hurtful 😟I wonder if he was expecting some kind of reaction from you?

I agree with a PP who says he might be testing your reaction. Either way, whether there are dates or he is trying to force the conversation, he's a dick.

He's going on online dates rather than seeing you?

So basically you aren't good enough and he's seeing what's out there.

That would tell me all I need to know about him and he would be dropped like a hot brick, I wouldn't ever talk to him again. What a selfish and disrespectful idiot he is

I'd bin him off for not being honest with me in the two months I've been dating him.

And not having the balls to be straight with me about wanting to date others while stringing me along.

Be thankful you haven't involved your DCs. (I'm a single mum). Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and onwards and upwards!

Agree with others, he's either clumsily trying to find out what you're thinking or he's cooling off.

Just ask him. It really is the only way.

Whether you've had 'the chat' or not, two months in and regular contact, I'd assume we were exclusive. I was going to say he's insensitive (which he is) but rather he's a complete twat and I'd drop him like a hot potato.

You can do better, get rid OP.

It's a really weird way of trying to have the conversation.
I would say you thought that as you were seeing each other for a while and so regularly that you weren't still dating - that you don't want a casual thing and will let him crack on. See what he comes back with.

How about "new man" rather than partner? And he's not even really a boyfriend unless he presents himself as one and wants you to be exclusive.

I know it might feel natural to assume you're exclusive. But you can't. Unless a man really wants you and is serious about you - in which case he will be doing the running, seriously!

Online dates lined up? Really? I'd just ignore that text he sent you and never contact him again.

Most men and women do not view casual sex in the same way - for a man it is not a commitment or an expression of his emotional attachment to you. It is just a physical expression of how he feels at that moment in time, nothing more. It doesn't mean he has any feelings for you. If more women understood this, they would suffer less with these casual lotharios!

I am really sorry you had this experience, it must have taken you back OP. But I bet you've learnt loads from it however upsetting .

I would reply "Oh. Errrr. Ok. Didn't realise you were seeing other people. I haven't been. Good to know where I stand". And see what he says.

How disrespectful. I'd just bin him off

This is the trouble ith 'assuming'
Youve both got different poinrs of view ( and so have the people that have pisted on here) as to what exclusively means and when it kicks in.

Try communicating witg each other before you cut your loses.

This thread is a sad example of how low some people set the bar in a relationship... .

I'm always flabbergasted at people who say, that after 2 months you can't expect exclusivity and that he is not your Partner. It's all relative to how many times you've dated in those 2 months. Meeting once a fortnight, yeah ok...but the Op sees this man 3 times a week, so that is TWENTY FOUR dates they've been on, plus they are having regular sex. How the hell can it be ok that he's still meeting other women?

I know what I would do....I wouldn't reply to his message and I wouldn't see him again. Just go totally cold on him. If he doesn't think you are worth exclusivity after 24 dates, then quite frankly he can go fuck himself. Please, please do not reply to this ass hole.

Yes bin him. If you really like someone you wouldn't be still checking what's else is out there, shitty behaviour .

You've known him the dating equivalent of 5 minutes and he's a 'partner'? Don't reply to his message, block him and please, take a break from dating until you can set some firmer boundaries for yourself and set your bar a lot higher before considering some a 'partner' when you don't really even know him that well.

I think the OP stated that she only called him DP for purpose of this thread.