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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Need to end relationship, tonight. Online dating app found

133 replies

Sadtoendthings · 21/01/2017 22:13

Wow, really hoped this one was going to work :(

Boyfriend of 3 years, moved in 12 months ago (no kids, my house), thought things were going really well, certainly no problems i am aware of.

Tonight when using his tablet (with permission) i found out he has had tinder and match installed. They were in his googles app store, they had been deleted from the device, but still show under the All Apps menu. They were not there 4 months ago.

I have to end it. He is out working and will be home after 11. i'm just so so sad. My last relationship wasn't great, really thought i had a good one this time.

i'm feeling really sad and really... i don't even know. just looking for a bit of support really, and strength to do this.

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 21/01/2017 22:17

What a shame. Can their be any acceptable reason, could he explain? I'm a bit ignorant about that kind of stuff.
Sorry you must be so disappointed.

picklemepopcorn · 21/01/2017 22:17

There.

CactusFred · 21/01/2017 22:20

Are you sure they weren't there before?

I have dating apps on my phone and I do browse them because I'm nosy and a writer and they make for good characters! I'm not looking for anyone else.

Just saying there could be a valid reason.

Original poster
Sadtoendthings · 21/01/2017 22:22

pickle, no. i found he hadn't delete his POF app 12 months after we first go together. There were lots of reasons then, i gave him another chance... there are no reasons under the sun that are good enough to let this go this time.

I'm go gutted. need to get rid of all my pathetic-ness before he comes back. just needs to be quick and blunt when i end it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sadtoendthings · 21/01/2017 22:24

I'm 100% sure they are new.

i'm so sure i haven't even bothered to check the apps to prove it.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 21/01/2017 22:26

How long has he had the tablet?

I would make sure you have your facts straight before you end it, but then I agree you need to end it immediately.

picklemepopcorn · 21/01/2017 22:29

Oh dear. Well, you feel really strongly, he has had a second chance already, pull up your inner warrior and spit him out.

Dailymaildailyfail · 21/01/2017 22:29

It feels like this isn't the only issue which would cause you to end it? If I was in your situation I'd definitely be angry/sad etc but I'd want to hear his explanation first before deciding absolutely that I'm going to end it.

Personally I have been with my DP for 5 years and would probably ask for his explanation/try and resolve things if I was in this situation. I'm not sure my default reaction would just be to end it.

Original poster
Sadtoendthings · 21/01/2017 22:30

the tablet hes had for ages.

He recently got a new phone, but adding your existing google account to a new device shouldn't add new apps should it?

He has two phones, they are also on the phone that's here too (well they would be as it uses same google account)

OP posts:
Original poster
Sadtoendthings · 21/01/2017 22:33

i feel i have to end it as its the 2nd time. last time there were weeks of lying before i got to the truth. i don't trust him not to lie to me.

Honestly no other problems, hes great, his family are lovely, his mum is going to be gutted. his friends are all really happy for him to have found me... no arguing, no abuse, hes respectful, good around the house, good for me.

OP posts:
PinkFluff2 · 21/01/2017 22:34

Are you sure they're not just there because he's had the apps at some point? I think tinder shows on my iTunes but I don't have it and haven't had it for a significant amount of time. It's just there because I had it at some point.

Sickofthisnow · 21/01/2017 22:35

Can you go into the apps and see if there has been any recent activity?

SaltySeaDog72 · 21/01/2017 22:38

Oh OP. That's such a shame. I'm so sorry. Do you have a friend you can contact?

Here for a handhold...

Puff42 · 21/01/2017 22:38

Are you sure you don't want to investigate a little more before ending it? Unless are there other reasons and this is the last straw, of course.

Original poster
Sadtoendthings · 21/01/2017 22:40

Sick no, dont know his passwords.

I will ask him to log into them when he denies having them, we'll have to go through a dance of him not knowing the password (so i'll click the reset password button for him...)

They were not there before. After last time i caught him out i have checked his app store - not often, just occasionally, hes given me permission to do this... i checked when he got a new phone last year as i thought it was odd he has two phones. there were no dating apps then.

OP posts:
DearMrDilkington · 21/01/2017 22:43

Can you download the dating apps on your phone to try and find his profile on there? Just so your 100% sure what his put on there and that it's up to date?

MacNcheese87 · 21/01/2017 22:44

Go to his settings, then battery, and check usage in last 24 hours and last 7 days. It will tell you if there are any apps he's used but deleted in those time frames.

It may be that he never had them at all on his iPad, but if he wants to be honest, he will show you his phone battery usage too.

(I've had to check DS's iPad for apps he may have been hiding from me- this is an easy way to check!)

BlueNeighbourhood · 21/01/2017 22:46

Surely the relationship can't be as great as you're making out given you feel like you have to check up on him so much?

On iTunes on my phone Tinder and PoF are still there with 'Open' next to them instead of install even though they were deleted from my phone about a year ago now. It's possible he's had them before, it's possible he's trying to meet women, nobody knows without speaking to him properly about it.

FatOldBag · 21/01/2017 22:47

He's a bloody idiot, but at least you found out now before wasting more time/having kids etc. Flowers

Mermaidinthesea · 21/01/2017 22:49

I learnt my lesson from doing it three times before - yeah eventually lol....when you are a single parent never invite any bloke to live in your home.
Why doesn't he have a home of his own to invite you to live in> he is a sponging asshole and just there to rip you off.
Dump him and next time look for a quality guy with his own home, a job and who is worth your time.
Men like these home in on single parents and suck the life blood out of them.

Original poster
Sadtoendthings · 21/01/2017 22:50

Hes on Andriod, tablet is Samsung and phone HTC, will that battery thing still work?

He didn't have Tinder or Match originally... he was on POF. He categorically told me he had never used either of those sites

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ImperialBlether · 21/01/2017 22:51

I don't think the OP has children, Mermaid.

ImperialBlether · 21/01/2017 22:51

Do you know what his names on there are, OP?

Original poster
Sadtoendthings · 21/01/2017 22:57

I don't really know how Tinder works, i'll ask him to log in when he gets back - i think it uses facebook account?

Dont know his user name, i'm assuming he was smart enough to change it from last time...

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Original poster
Sadtoendthings · 21/01/2017 22:59

i had a brief look at his emails, everything is deleted.

Couple of things in trash from 40+dating and toyboy dating, they could easily be spam tho

OP posts: