OH told me I have big vagina

[boysboysboys123]

Hi

I've been with OH for 5 years & we have 2 kids. Generally I'd say we have a great relationship-it was certainly great before we had kids. He's still loving, supportive & a good dad.
But he has a habit of saying hurtful things about how I look.
A few months ago he told me I had saggy boobs & a few weeks back after a few drinks he told me how my vag had gone wider after having the kids.
While this is prob true it was mortifying to hear-I am now avoiding sex cos the 1 time we did it since I was excruciatingly self conscious.
He did apologise but in that conversation mentioned my belly, the fact I've put on weight & said he loved me anyway (like I'm a charity case & he's doing a good deed). Then a few days later he mentioned my stomach sticking out. I feel like he hates me.
To put this into perspective I'm a size 12 & smaller than before the kids, so while my body is different obviously I haven't radically changed. And while I have insecurities when I go out without him I feel good about myself.

I can cope with the fact he's not one for compliments but these things hurt me & I don't know that'll I'll ever feel attractive to him again.

AIBU?

Eugh. He's a prick. A complete prick. What do you get out of being with him? Because I can't see any joy here.

LTB

What a horrible, horrible man - this is truly hurtful and abusive, no one could say such nasty things to someone they purport to love. Usually I think mumsnet can be too quick to judge/not see both sides, but actually nothing can justify those comments. I think he is insecure and threatened and deals with it my putting you down, so you won't have the confidence to look at someone else. There is not reason you should tolerate such behaviour, if he can't admire and appreciate what he has, he can fuck right off.

He sounds like his chipping away at your confidence and of course our bodies change once we've had kids, I would point out that maybe his dick has got smaller

What a cunt. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but seriously, what a disgusting way to speak to you. I was a 12 when I met DP, now a 16-18 looking somewhat like a burst ball, big saggy pouch (2 babies in under a year), stretchmarks that look like I've been in a slasher movie and I can roll my boobs up from my knees. He still makes me feel like the sexiest woman alive, even though I am fully nowhere near it! How dare your OH say these really cruel, degrading things to you! Firstly, you pushed children out of your vagina, actual people, so what was he expecting? I'd tell him it's his knob that's the problem! As for your body changing after babies, what the fuck did he expect??? You're perfect as you are OP, we can't all be fucking Kardashians!

I'd just reply with "I'm so glad youve mentioned it-saves me starting an awkward conversation but before the dcs I could cope with your tiny penis but since my vagina has increased in size I can't feel a thing at all now...."

See how he likes it (petty I know but it might make him think)

Does he say anything nice about you at all op?

Ask him if he thinks his penis might have shrunk with age?

Hedgehog80 genius!

"At least I can fix that with exercise. Nothing will make your penis bigger"

Hedgehog

There is only one answer to that:

No dear! It just that you have a VERY SMALL WILLY

Open door, kick him out, live a happier life!

Xpost with like minded people :)

The vag is muscular, you can do kegels if you're worried. He'll still be an asshole tho.

What I reckon you should do, however, is booting him out exercises.

He's not one for compliments?! That's an understatement - he's an undermining unsupportive arseface. It's very telling that you feel more confident when you're not out with him.

What do you suppose he gets out of making you insecure? Cos he's doing it for a reason - he may not be self-aware to realise that, but he is.

Hes an arsehole

Haha hedgehog that's hilarious 😂 seriously though OP... that man is an absolute shit xx

Just tell him he has a small prick and to go and buy a blow up doll if he doesnt like what HIS dick has done
Is this man perfect NO he isn't! He's an arse
You've given birth and that is a lot to be proud of.
Soon as you can LTB

He's horrible. I doubt there is anything bad about you at all, he obviously finds it fun to keep you down. Cruel man.

I don't know why men do this, surely by making their partner insecure they won't get the best out of them in the bedroom?! I also think some men do it to make their partners insecure because they then think they won't leave them? Who knows but I know for sure I would be pointing out some of his imperfections, see how he likes it!

Tell him "you're being a massive dick, which is ironic really..." And just walk out of the room.

Do you know, this reminds me of the first community midwife who visited me after ds was born. She was utterly vile and vulgar. She wanted to know about my bag and told me to crack on with pelvic floor exercises. I said I would but it wasn't my immediate priority. At which point she held up her left arm and hand, waggled it backwards and forwards and said "well if you don't, your man is gonna tink da sex feels like this". It was worse in a Creolean accent. I think I said it wasn't for her to assume what my husband would think. And she went on a bit.

It affected how I felt about sex for a very long time. It was hurtful and humiliating coming from a complete stranger so I can imagine how you must feel. Is your DH always so insensitive and lacking in empathy. Does he have something like ASD which would explain it in a good way. If not, he's an emotionally abusive arse I'm afraid.

He's a shitheel.

Why don't you cut yourself free and maybe find someone who actually cares about you?

Very insenstive thing to say. And that he keeps putting your body down he just sounds like an arse.

Start picking holes in him and see how he likes it OP.

I bet he won't take it with a smile on his face!
The way he's acting is not the actions of a loving man.

Ooooh Hedgehog

Nice one! and a thumbs up!