OH told me I have big vagina

[boysboysboys123]

Hi

I've been with OH for 5 years & we have 2 kids. Generally I'd say we have a great relationship-it was certainly great before we had kids. He's still loving, supportive & a good dad.
But he has a habit of saying hurtful things about how I look.
A few months ago he told me I had saggy boobs & a few weeks back after a few drinks he told me how my vag had gone wider after having the kids.
While this is prob true it was mortifying to hear-I am now avoiding sex cos the 1 time we did it since I was excruciatingly self conscious.
He did apologise but in that conversation mentioned my belly, the fact I've put on weight & said he loved me anyway (like I'm a charity case & he's doing a good deed). Then a few days later he mentioned my stomach sticking out. I feel like he hates me.
To put this into perspective I'm a size 12 & smaller than before the kids, so while my body is different obviously I haven't radically changed. And while I have insecurities when I go out without him I feel good about myself.

I can cope with the fact he's not one for compliments but these things hurt me & I don't know that'll I'll ever feel attractive to him again.

AIBU?

I knew someone whos answer to this was "well someones got to look after the big boys ;) ) Shame he's not one of the big boys

He is disgusting. Would YOU ever say that to someone you loved? I don't think so somehow.

He's upset that his favourite sex toy looks a bit different. Pathetic man child.

You deserve so much better OP.

He's deliberately trying to dent your self esteem

Ask him directly :

"Why are you deliberately trying to destroy my self esteem?"

And see what he says.

Sometimes this is done to isolate the other spouse to make them feel "grateful" and as though they will be "all alone" if the spouse should leave

I would go with the direct approach as well but I would add "it is hurtful and unacceptable if you continue I will divorce you for abuse"

How do you react when he says these hurtful remarks? He sounds utterly vile btw.

DEFINITELY tell him to fuck off and that from now on you will simply be having sex with someone with a much bigger penis! What a wanker!!

I'm sorry but this is abusive. It is common for abuse (mental as well as physical) to start when men think they have you trapped by children and circumstance.

You are not an accessory for him to show off. He should feel proud of you for the family you have created together rather than picking bits of you to criticise. You are a person, not a flat stomach or blonde hair or a vag that fits his requirements. He is supposed to love you as a person, but I'm afraid he is incapable of that.

Tell him to FOTTFSOF.

I haven't read the replies but omg what a nasty piece of shit you live with!! He is a bullying tosser I assume he thinks he's gods gift and you should be grateful!! Does he see Brad Pitt in the mirror when he checks himself out then? Darling tell him go fuck himself as no one else wants too and be on the look out for a decent fella. X

Well that was a huge own goal on his part wasn't it! Personally I would never be able to move past that do I would be figuring out how to break up amicably causing the children the least stress possible.

I would never want to have sex with him again. Don't lower yourself.

I would second nearly every post on this page. The idea of childbirth seems cruel
To me when I can barely cope with a blood test but you've had his children and he's a small size dick to chip away at your confidence (pun intended). If someone ever said anything similar to me, I would straight back shoot: I was doing my good deed of the year by dating/being/marrying/ sleeping with you.... I usually go for men who actually have a penis. Minimum 8 inches or something. Should cut their ego in half or quarter I should think.

"he mentioned the fact that I've put on weight"....."I'm a size 12 & smaller than before the kids".

So...not really a "fact" then, is it? More like a load of bullshit from his own imagination? What was his response when you pointed that out?

So he only wants to fuck virgins then?

this is why it's so damaging to have so many media images of women who don't look like they've given birth - every woman's body changes when she has a baby. Personally, I think of the post-baby body as the "Real Woman" image and the pre-birth body as the Hollywood version of myself.

btw - does he masturbate a lot? Men who do that tend to grip too tight and then can't feel as much when they're having sex. If he does, he should probably stop for a few months so that he can actually appreciate you, and your body.

These sort of abusive shits do not change for the better, their nasty and cruel abusive behaviour excalates. OP do yourself and your children a big favour and ltb.

A husband was walking behind his wife.
He Said to her "your arse is like a washing machine."
The wife said nothing but continued walking.
Later, in bed, husband go quite amorous,
Wife said, "I'm not putting machine on for such a small load,
You'd be better doing it by hand"

Dh said something similar to me once years ago. It was crushing. I have never forgotten it and it still flicks through my head every time we have sex, even though he has apologised.

However IIRC it is literally the only negative thing he has said to me about my body, ever.

Don't get into a slamming match. I just would make sure you don't have sex with him until you really want to, and tell him why. If that's never, he can't really be surprised.

OH is trying to destabilise you for some reason. It may be resentment about your time with the children, it might be something else .... only you will know.

Definitely throw it back at him in a controlled way, just like Hedgehog said. I say in a controlled way, because that makes what you say to him 'more genuine'. If you scream at him that you've always thought his dick was small but didnt want to hurt his feelings, he will not take notice.

You could say: As I've got bigger, and your dick has always been small as you know, we have to think what to do about the situation, darling. I could start exercises, but what on earth can you do?

What Hedgehog said.

He keeps saying horrible things to you..
Why?

Because I'd tell my DH that I'm not attracted to a man who continues to be be so hurtful and he knows where the door is if he wants to be with someone else.... and I'd mean it. He'd have to move mountains before I slept with him again.

Because it would be difficult or impossible for me to want sex with him after those comments. ... and believe me I'd be in heaven if I was a size 12.☺

As others have said ... if you said he seems to have shrunk what would he say.

He's being ridiculous, mean and downright stupid.

Horrid!! I couldn't get over a comment like that. Do some extreme pelvic floor and leave his ass. just kidding, just LTB.

"He's still loving, supportive"

He might have been once but he isn't now.

His remarks are not ones coming from a loving and supportive partner. They are the remarks of a cruel and vindictive wanker. One who is intent on eroding your sense of self-confidence and trying to make you feel grateful that he's deigned to continue sharing a home, a bed and a life with you.

The changes to your body that childbirth have brought about are your MEDALS. Medals for valour and self-sacrifice.

The only big and ugly cunt you need to divest yourself of is him. And bloody smartish.

Are you still working or are you financially dependent? It could be that now you're chained to him, as it were, by two children and no job, that he feels more like the proverbial Lord and Master.

'And while I have insecurities when I go out without him I feel good about myself. '

That's because he's a cunt. Joking aside, you deserve so much more than this emotionally abusive, gaslighting prick.

He isn't a cunt, he doesn't have the depth or warmth.

Despicable. He's just horrid