OH told me I have big vagina

[boysboysboys123]

Hi

I've been with OH for 5 years & we have 2 kids. Generally I'd say we have a great relationship-it was certainly great before we had kids. He's still loving, supportive & a good dad.
But he has a habit of saying hurtful things about how I look.
A few months ago he told me I had saggy boobs & a few weeks back after a few drinks he told me how my vag had gone wider after having the kids.
While this is prob true it was mortifying to hear-I am now avoiding sex cos the 1 time we did it since I was excruciatingly self conscious.
He did apologise but in that conversation mentioned my belly, the fact I've put on weight & said he loved me anyway (like I'm a charity case & he's doing a good deed). Then a few days later he mentioned my stomach sticking out. I feel like he hates me.
To put this into perspective I'm a size 12 & smaller than before the kids, so while my body is different obviously I haven't radically changed. And while I have insecurities when I go out without him I feel good about myself.

I can cope with the fact he's not one for compliments but these things hurt me & I don't know that'll I'll ever feel attractive to him again.

AIBU?

Fuck...that's rude,hurtful, insensitive ,nasty,cruel,rediculous,...have you another bedroom you can move in to while he thinks about the shit he comes out with...what a cunt

I would go for the direct "why are you purposefully trying to damage my self esteem" as per pp rather than getting in to a genital insulting slanging match (even though that would be more tempting).

Gosh op I could never imagine my DH saying stuff like that. We very much flatter each other. Put it like this: I know he'd feel shit if I criticised his physical features. I don't want him to feel shit and his mind and character is what I adore about him. I'd just hate to make him feel anything other then gorgeous.

Wow this got a lot of comments! Thank you for the support, not to mention the suggested witty comebacks.
I know no one will believe me but he's not abusive. I've had professional experience of abuse & he isn't abusive. (Whoever suggested autism my be closer to the mark.) If I thought there was a chance he'd said these things to make me feel bad I'd be gone.
I'm glad to hear I'm not being overly sensitive. Other than initially I haven't raised it with him (I'm shit at communication/confrontation) but I clearly need to & he needs to grovel/reassure me.
I just don't know how I ever come back from the 'wide fanny' comment. (Thank u to the poster who said I don't ever have sex until I really want to.)
I don't know how this turned into such a mess

You should only ever have sex you want.

What a dick!

There really is no excuse for that! It's hard enough having kids and dealing with your new role and new body yourself without the man who is supposed to love and support you putting you down. Obviously your body changes after having kids, but if I was a size 12 I would be over the moon by the way!

Obviously it's easy for previous posters to just say leave him but it's not their relationship and it's not that easy. I'm sure he does have good qualities and you love him or u wouldn't have had kids with him in the first place. Also the kids are a huge consideration I'm sure u don't want to break the family up. My advice would be to tell him how his insults make u feel, I'm sure to us all here it's plain as day but honestly men are wired differently and he may not realise he's upsetting you, he may even think he's just having a laugh! Be interesting to hear his response x

If it really could be asf related, its still not on

I wouldnt sleep with him again :(

I think telling the woman you love that her body is aging and detailing exactly how is unspeakable. You need to tell him how much he's hurt you and damaged your self-esteem. And that you don't want to have sex with him because he's made you feel like he's doing it out of pity.

Everything soup dragon said. What a prick.

I wonder what this idiot would feel like if you said rude and obnoxious remarks about his dick

His dick has shrank. Didn't he think of it.

"men are wired differently and he may not realise hes upsetting you." is yet another way of excusing mens behaviour

Tell him he smalls rotten...and his penis smells like goats chesse.

smells rotten.... the small part was his member.

not one for compliments but these things hurt me
His tiny dick won't hurt you.

get a huge dildo and tell him you need it because he has such a small dick... see how he likes it

I get that he's being a bit of a cunt, but I don't see how the posters talking about saying he has a small cock will help? Surely that's just as bad and is also a cuntish thing to do?

What an asshat. I would be absolutely devastated if my dp said those things to me, it would kill my already low self esteem. Surely it's doing the same to you op?

It's not acceptable for him to make those comments, if he loved you be wouldn't want to hurt your feelings in this way. He clearly doesn't care so why stay with him?

I find it funny that these men are quick to criticise their girlfriends/wives looks, I bet most of the men making these comments aren't anything special themselves and yes they probably do have tiny penises.

You deserve better op.

This is horrible op he should not be saying these things to you.

Buy a huge dildo, leave it somewhere he'll find it (under his pillow) and when he asks what it is, tell him "sorry, shoved it there earlier after hearing phone ring. Fancied something more my size for a change.

What lack off knob!

What a*

may not realise he's upsetting you, he may even think he's just having a laugh!

That's bull crap, of course he knows he's upsetting her. How else would he expect her to feel? You're not giving men in general enough credit with statements like this. They, just like anyone else, know that saying bad things about someone's appearance is hurtful. They are not idiots but unfortunately some are utter twats.

LTB

only repeating what others have said , but tell him yes it's a shame you can no longer feel his tiny cock.