Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Partner is choosing cats over me :-(

118 replies

FruitCider · 07/07/2016 08:02

Been advised to post on here by someone on AIBU.

For a few years now I have suspected I have a cat allergy, this was confirmed on Tuesday by respiratory outpatients, who I see for my asthma. I'm on 3 different inhalers, a reliever inhaler, tablets for asthma, 2 tablets, nose and eye drops for my allergies. My respiratory consultant has advised me to get rid of the cats ASAP. She has said my next attack could be my last attack eg it might kill me.

I have relayed this to my partner of 9 years and he has gone ballistic, saying the cats cannot go. I said they have to, now he wants to leave with them.

I feel utterly devastated. I can't believe that I am lower in his priorities than 2 cats. I lost my dad at the beginning of the year, my best friend has developed alcoholism and is no longer there for me, and all of my uni friends have gone home now their degree has finished. I've lost contact with all of my regular friends due to the stupid nursing degree I have been studying.

I honestly think my partner will leave me this weekend.

What the hell do I do now? If he goes I have nothing left

OP posts:

MotherOfBleach · 07/07/2016 08:06

I'm sorry that's what he's decided.

Studying is never stupid. You should be proud of yourself managing to achieve that with everything else going on.

If he does go, it'll be hard, but you'll cope and make new connections. At the end of the day if he values two cats over you he's doing you a favour. At least you don't have to go to the bother of kicking him out.

Costacoffeeplease · 07/07/2016 08:07

Didn't you post about this the other day?

MollyTwo · 07/07/2016 08:07

Wow so would rather something possibly fatal happen to you than give up the cats sorry but he doesn't really love you that much. Let him leave if he wants, you can't reason with someone who values your life as so little.

SmallBee · 07/07/2016 08:07

Do you really want to stay with a man who doesn't care if you die, as long as he has his cats? I think I'd rather have nothing than that.

Does he fully understand that the cats could cause your death? Could you bring him to talk to the consultant?

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 07/07/2016 08:08

IG he goes you have only lost 200lb of inconsiderate male who doesn't care if his pets actually kill you. That may feel like a loss now, given everything else,but I promise it is not.

Possibly he had a bad reaction to the surprise. And will realise he's being a twat. But he is seriously not worth your time and energy if he prizes cats over your life.

And I speak as a cat owner who loves but is also allergic to the animals yet decided to keep them. But all them make me is uncomfortable. They won't kill me.

confusionis · 07/07/2016 08:08

When he goes with the cats you will be devastated. But, over the next few daays, you will vacuum and clean and dust and your allergic reaction might worsen at first, but then it will start to clear up. As it clears up, you will feel better, and find the strength to get up and fight and survive.

YesYABU · 07/07/2016 08:10

Funny how you've dropped the part in this post about you using e-cigs and vaping which your partner disagrees with....

Sure that's great for your lungs also

Original poster

FruitCider · 07/07/2016 08:11

Didn't you post about this the other day?

Yes, if you had read the beginning of my post you would have seen I was advised to post on here.

OP posts:

StillDrSethHazlittMD · 07/07/2016 08:11

You're going to get exactly the same answers as on your AIBU thread. 98% of people saying he's no loss, ditch both partner and cats; 1% saying "poor cats, it's not their fault" and 1% "you need to stop using your ecig as well". Not sure why you need another 98% telling you the same thing to be honest.

2nds · 07/07/2016 08:12

What do you do? You pack his bags.

Original poster

FruitCider · 07/07/2016 08:13

Funny how you've dropped the part in this post about you using e-cigs and vaping which your partner disagrees with....

Funny how you forgot to mention that I offered to quit the ecigs, that didn't sway him, and that my consultant thinks it is the cats that are the problem.

OP posts:

2nds · 07/07/2016 08:14

Do you really use an ecig even though you have asthma?

YesYABU · 07/07/2016 08:15

So you're going to carry on with the e-cigs as he won't stay?

WalrusGumboot · 07/07/2016 08:16

Have you actually had allergy testing done? How do you know it's the cats?

Original poster

FruitCider · 07/07/2016 08:19

Using an ecig is better than 20 molboros a day. To be honest unless you are a respiratory consultant with more than 20 years experience I'm going to ignore the ecig comments and listen to my actual doctor. Those commenting about a tiny pen are completely trying to detract from the actual issue. That I have a severe allergy to cats that can kill me. The pen will not. What might kill me is taking up smoking again because I'm so stressed at the prospect of losing my partner and possibly my child!

OP posts:

StillDrSethHazlittMD · 07/07/2016 08:20

OP, I'm really confused why you're asking again because last night on your other thread you said:

"I'm going to tell him in no uncertain terms he needs to leave with the cats. It's my tenancy. He has no right to stay here if I want to get rid of him" and "I don't even feel worried any more"

Why the big turnaround yet again?

SmallBee · 07/07/2016 08:21

Oh I didn't see about ecigs.

Well your partner is still not coming off great but if you can't put your own life before your vaping then you have some very odd priorities. I know quitting is hard but I've heard a rumour that dying is even worse. My grandpa had type two diabetes and still ate crap then he went blind, deaf, incontinent and dead while we all watched him do it to himself. He made his families life hell for the last few years because of his weakness and selfishness. It was horrible to watch my Nana be put through it.

Sort yourself out. Get rid of the vaping and cats and if your partner goes then he obviously doesn't place any value on your life but at least you can have the self respect to value your own life.

MollyTwo · 07/07/2016 08:22

I'm going to tell him in no uncertain terms he needs to leave with the cats. It's my tenancy. He has no right to stay here if I want to get rid of him" and "I don't even feel worried any more"

I'm confused now. Why are you worried if you want him gone ?

YesYABU · 07/07/2016 08:22

Mmmm 20 Marlborough's a day- you sound delightful!

Original poster

FruitCider · 07/07/2016 08:24

Yes I've had a skin prick allergy test done. The area that is pricked leaves a red ring around the puncture site if you have an allergy. The size of the rings are measured in cm, from 1 to 10. This is a list of my reactions

Control test (histamine) = 4

Egg = 0
Mould = 2
Grass pollen = 2
Tree pollen = 4
Weed pollen = 4
Budgies = 4
Horse hair = 4
Dog hair = 5
Cat dander = 8

So as you can see, the cats are definitely a problem!

OP posts:

FruitCider · 07/07/2016 08:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

WalrusGumboot · 07/07/2016 08:26

Fair enough OP just wondered if you'd had that test.

DrMorbius · 07/07/2016 08:27

Op - posts like this usually start with the tip of the iceberg (in this case it's cats). There's obviously a whole back story here, that will drip out. Long story short, your relationship is hardly Rett and Scarlet, if he wants to leave you over couple of cats.

Sort yourself out re: your health, re-establish friendships that you have allowed to fade. Make new friends, move on.

Next.

Lighteningirll · 07/07/2016 08:32

Why are you posting again? Your last post gave you 99% response the same, are you unhappy with that? What do you want to hear/achieve? Clearly there is something major ly wrong with a relationship where one party chooses cats over the other party. Even a unanimous mn jury can't force your partner to change his mind/enforce your wishes/needs on another person it's either he goes or you risk death (slightly different phrasing to your last post but that got positive responses so I am at a loss as to your wishes here). Your situation does sounds rotten I hope you get some rl support.

MadHattersWineParty · 07/07/2016 08:35

OP is there some answer or response you're looking for that you're not getting? I don't understand why you'd post again. There must be more to it if your partner is really going to leave because you're allergic to the cats. It cannot just be about the cats!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.