Partner is choosing cats over me :-(

[FruitCider]

Been advised to post on here by someone on AIBU.

For a few years now I have suspected I have a cat allergy, this was confirmed on Tuesday by respiratory outpatients, who I see for my asthma. I'm on 3 different inhalers, a reliever inhaler, tablets for asthma, 2 tablets, nose and eye drops for my allergies. My respiratory consultant has advised me to get rid of the cats ASAP. She has said my next attack could be my last attack eg it might kill me.

I have relayed this to my partner of 9 years and he has gone ballistic, saying the cats cannot go. I said they have to, now he wants to leave with them.

I feel utterly devastated. I can't believe that I am lower in his priorities than 2 cats. I lost my dad at the beginning of the year, my best friend has developed alcoholism and is no longer there for me, and all of my uni friends have gone home now their degree has finished. I've lost contact with all of my regular friends due to the stupid nursing degree I have been studying.

I honestly think my partner will leave me this weekend.

What the hell do I do now? If he goes I have nothing left

You post again, not giving the full details, and contradicting your posts on the other thread - I'm not sure what the point is in starting another thread

If his cats are more important to him than you, you're better off without him

I posted on here because someone advised me to post on here....

OK, so someone told you to post on here so you did it. Almost everyone on your last thread and on this thread is telling you to kick out the sorry excuse for a partner, so now go and do that.

Although according to your other thread, as I quoted earlier, you had already decided to do just that and were no longer worried about it.

Which brings us to why aren't you getting on and doing it then?

But you didn't give the full picture...

The resounding position here is that it doesn't sound like he loves you, and probably hasn't for at least two years. It is time for you to split. Do you love him? Or is it just that you feel he's all you have?

The cat allergy is almost a side point. Are you being regularly tested for changes to other allergens? Presumably you weren't always so allergic to cats. I do think stopping your ecig (and smoking overall) should be high priority to you as an asthmatic, you are crippling the very system that is already failing, but that's your decision. It wouldn't affect whether you could keep the cats, and it wouldn't make your partner want to stay - it would simply mean you were taking care of yourself and doing everything you can not to worsen your condition.

Maybe they meant get the post moved. Did you start a new one because you got a hard time over the e-cig so people would be more sympathetic if you left it out? Anyway, I think the responses are not going to be very different with regards to the situation where ever you post it.

Give up smoking. Anything. Prioritise your health as your relationship sounds to be over. It happens, relationships breakdown for any number of reasons. Your partner is moving out and will take the cats, which seems a sensible arrangement. What more is there to say?

Sorry, I should add that I am very sorry your relationship has broken up, but it may be for the best in the long run. Please stop smoking and take care of yourself.

I'm not sure what you are expecting, we can't make your partner change his mind, as people have said if he is picking the cats over you maybe he isn't that great anyway and you're better off without him.

Others are also true saying you missed out half the story, putting anything into your lungs isn't going to help your asthma or allergies. And saying e-cigs won't kill you isn't true. They haven't been tested properly yet, everyone thought smoking was good for you at first!! If I was you I'd try life without the cats and the e-cigs.

So everyone else is a troll too I guess? Or just me? Seems like everyone is saying pretty much the same thing...

I don't know how to move threads! Sorry....

For future reference, report and ask mnhq to do it

I'm hesitating because I have been with him for 9 years. I haven't slept all night, I feel terrible. All of our savings are in his account. I'm too scared to leave the flat in case he takes my daughter and I never see her again. There, I've said it.

So there is no love between you anymore? It's just fear and routine that are keeping you together.

If you're not married, you'll be relying on goodwill to sort things like savings, unless you have evidence of intention and want to take it through court. You'll need legal advice on your daughter but even if primary residence was with him, I expect it'd be nearly 50/50.

There's nothing to save here. It will hurt but tear the plaster off so you can heal and start living again.

Just seen you have DC to. Really? You're really not going to quite ecigs because it's to hard? Fucking get it together.

Don't be the arsehole that makes their family watch them get sicker and die because it's hard to give up something you love. If you can't put your health first the for fucks sake put your kids first. Dickhead.

Re-read what you said yesterday, OP:

"And actually looking at the amount of time I've been on placement during the last 12 months (26 weeks) and taking into consideration annual leave (10 weeks) he would have a hard time arguing he is primary carer as the child benefit claim is in my name. So if I did throw him out I would be looking at shared residency straight away. My job will be 3 long shifts a week, working alternate weekends. So we can have her every other weekend and he could have her when I'm at work. We can split childcare costs down the middle (£85 a week each for 5 days a week). I don't even feel worried any more."

You also said that as he was at work today (and he's only just started full time work, you told us), you could sort out rehoming the cats and kicking him out. So do it.

I absolutely love him to pieces. We were starting to plan our wedding last week. But I just don't know if we can come back from this. I feel utterly rejected. I've been wanting to get married for 6 years, but there has always been an excuse. It seems like he never wanted me in the first, I'm just a relationship of convenience I guess.

Quit the e-cigs, chuck the bloke out.
It's really not fucking difficult.

So hes prioritising living, breathing members of the family and your prioritising a little bit of plastic.

You know where you stand now.
Don't put your health at risk for him - you're likely to be splitting up another time in the future anyway.

The ecigs will be exasberating your cat problem as they do damage your airways (not as much as the ciggies, but they do).
Move on, look after yourself and your own health.and let him and the cats live happily ever after.

The only decision you have to nake here is about how you get 50% of your mutual savings back before he walks into the sunset with his cats.

So play the nice card, get your money back and move on. You really don't want to be chained by marriage to such a moron.

Or it may be that he is not really Amorim but a person who has checked out of the relationship and asking him to get rid of the cats has just gave him the excuse he needed to start packing.

A moron, not amorim

How often do you Hoover etc ? It's possible to live with the allergy as long as you keep the hair under control . My friend does , you just have to be super clean .

So hes prioritising living, breathing members of the family

Unless you are a vegan that doesn't eat any animal products, you don't wear leather, and you only drink vegan alcohol then I would suggest you need to give your head a wobble!