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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

It's happened to me

116 replies

Christinayangstwistedsista · 26/02/2016 18:09

Well after giving lots of advice on here I have discovered today that that man I have known for 30 years doesn't exist

It turns out he has sex with men, it turns out he hasn't been to work for a Long time and instead goes to hotels for sex, it turns out he takes crystal meth

OP posts:
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 26/02/2016 18:10

Jesus, Christina! Are you ok?

That's a hell of a lot to discover about someone ShockSad

hesterton · 26/02/2016 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleWithRed · 26/02/2016 18:12

I am sure there are loads of other mumsnetters staring at this post speechless with shock for you. Can't think of anything useful to say other than hope you are somewhere safe and have RL people to talk to (ranting permitted).

Original poster
Christinayangstwistedsista · 26/02/2016 18:18

I am just broken hearted for D's everyrume I look at him my I think I am going to be such with over whelming sadness and pain for him

OP posts:
Secretlove · 26/02/2016 18:19

For him? Or at him?

Secretlove · 26/02/2016 18:20

Oh sorry I see you you mean your child. What a horrible shock,

Original poster
Christinayangstwistedsista · 26/02/2016 18:20

For my D's, dh is gone

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 26/02/2016 18:23

Sorry, that must be a shock. If he hasn't been to work for a while how has he been paying for things.

Original poster
Christinayangstwistedsista · 26/02/2016 18:25

We have been very financially secure, he worked abroad and then we lived abroad, so money has never really been an issue

OP posts:
tomatoplantproject · 26/02/2016 18:26

Please tell me this is a joke Christina. Have you someone with you my love? I am in shock for you xx

Original poster
Christinayangstwistedsista · 26/02/2016 18:27

I cant believe I have been so stupid, I have done everything that I have told everyone on here not to do

OP posts:
Kenworthington · 26/02/2016 18:28

Bloody hell am so Shock and Angry for you, what a whammy of awfulness to discover.

Original poster
Christinayangstwistedsista · 26/02/2016 18:28

Tom

Its not a joke, yes I am at mums, taking D's to scouts at 7 as feel I need to try and keep a routine r

OP posts:
tomatoplantproject · 26/02/2016 18:33

Keep your routine if you need to.

Glad you have your mum. She will take care of you.

Sweet hot tea for the shock - the sugar will help stabilise the adrenaline. Keep nibbling food.

We are all thinking of you. You got me through. Xx

tomatoplantproject · 26/02/2016 18:36

Don't blame yourself, please don't. Its really easy to find plausible truths for every action that only someone who is at a distance can see add up to a wrong pattern.

You don't deserve this.

SharkSkinThing · 26/02/2016 18:37

Flowers for you.

How did you find out?

NotMyNN · 26/02/2016 18:56

OMFG Christina I cannot begin to imagine the level of shock you must be in Flowers

How/when did you find this out? How on earth did he cover up the fact he wasn't working - did he literally go out in the morning and return in the evening precisely as normal?

And what do you mean by this my love?

'I have done everything that I have told everyone on here not to do'

WHAT have 'you' done, I don't understand as clearly only he is responsible for that he has been doing so I'm sure you can't be referring to believing you had some part in that? Are you referring to the way you have handled finding it out

Just {{hugs}} for you, how very fucking shitty. I am so so sorry this has happened to you Christina.

Original poster
Christinayangstwistedsista · 26/02/2016 18:58

He had left open a secret Facebook account on the iPad. I read whole conversations

OP posts:
ProfGrammaticus · 26/02/2016 18:59

Keep up your routine.
Keep things normal for the kids.
Eat as much as you can.
Drink plenty of water.
Go and rest at a regular bedtime, even if you can't sleep.
Go easy on yourself - ready meals and ask friends to ferry the kids.
Give yourself time, you can deal with this even if the way forward seems unclear right now.
Flowers

PregnantAndEngaged · 26/02/2016 19:00

Goodness me, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you are going through!

Don't blame yourself... he's been living a sordid double life! You are not to blame for this despicable excuse for a man nor what he did.

PregnantAndEngaged · 26/02/2016 19:02

I also hate to come across insensitive, as I know it's probably the last thing you want to consider right now but I think it's very important advice: please get yourself tested for STIs

MoominPie22 · 26/02/2016 19:02

Jesus wept Shock WTF did you say to him?? How long has he been living a dbl life??

This is VERY fucked up!! I´m so sorry Flowers Wine Sad

Did you never have any suspicions?

tomatoplantproject · 26/02/2016 19:02

Was he just leaving the house as normal every day as if he was going to work? How long for?

What kind of a man lives such a life?

AnyFucker · 26/02/2016 19:03

Christina, I have no words Flowers

lavenderhoney · 26/02/2016 19:03

Where is he now? It's very awful but if he knows you know and there is money/ assets you need to be speedy.

Look, if you file for divorce in the uk, which is great for you as a wife - and whether you want to or not - you can always stop it- it's going to be better for you. You file, and it stops him filing elsewhere ( you can file anywhere for divorce) and you have a few months to serve him papers. Right now, you have to protect yourself and your DC.

So - yes it's fucking awful but get into lock down mode, and see a solicitor. Just in case -where are you? Where is he residence?

I can promise you - you need to get angry and protective of the DC. He's been spending money on all sorts of bullshit. And be uber careful. Anything you out on email or anything can be used in court.

Does he know you know? Flowers

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