It's happened to me

[Christinayangstwistedsista]

Well after giving lots of advice on here I have discovered today that that man I have known for 30 years doesn't exist

It turns out he has sex with men, it turns out he hasn't been to work for a Long time and instead goes to hotels for sex, it turns out he takes crystal meth

Christina

Yes tom he was, not been at work at all for last few weeks as far as I can see but before that wad leaving for periods during g the day

So sorry Christina A similar thing happened to a friend of mine and she was so shocked. She only really found out when her husband was beaten to a pulp whilst out cottaging and a police officer -very naughtily-- told her he had received regular warnings after being caught with men in public loos.

Treat yourself kindly, you have had a dreadful shock.

Sorry - I'm not v good at emotional stuff but I'm very good at practical.

Keep posting.

How could he do this to ds

I'm so sorry :( what a devastating thing to find out
Look after yourself. Have our strength x

Oh OP that's a lot to take at once. What did your H do when you confronted him? I'm assuming he had to admit it since you had read the evidence? I too have known my DH 30 years and I don't know where my head would be if this were me. Your lovely DS will give you something to focus on in the weeks ahead. I am so sorry for you

Holy christ. What a horror.

Yes to protecting yourself financially urgently. Can you do some stuff online now? Can you clear out as much as possible?

Is he leaving the family home?

Does ds know anything?

He tried to minimise but really how the fuck can you minimize that, he basically ran like the fucking coward he has shown himself to be

He's left tom

D's knows we have split and dad won't be coming g back. The thing is if we had just split then he could still have been in D's life but know I think who the fu k is he and his can I let him near ds

So sorry this has happened Christina

I know it's clichéd advice but this is going to take some time to sink in for you. Try and focus on what you need to get through this weekend. Do you have any friends / family who could come over and support you? Do you need anything practical that you could ask for help with like food?

Glad he's gone.

You don't need to make any decisions about anything now. But you do need to get money protected.

You do know ds won't have entered into his pathetic head the whole time don't you? Christ - the compartmentalising to get to where he has done.

I don't have words to describe him.

Hand-holding from here

My friends and family have offered support. I have dropped D's at scouts and am just sitting ketti g it sink in

I had such a shitty childhood and I have tried so hard to make a happy family for D's, it is killing me seeing him in pain

He will still have a happy family - he has you my darling and all of the lovely people in your life who are your blood family and your friendship family.

Yes, but his access to DS separate from finances. It's two v different battles.

So - if you know it's over, you need to find a solicitor. Someone to advise you on access and finances. I'm sorry, but you will find his access unlikely to be affected unless you agree it between you and he doesn't become difficult due to finances.

Keep posting. It's v early to think of all this really but you must. Just try bad relax if you can.

You haven't been stupid at all. The only thing you are guilty of is trusting someone who didn't deserve it. He is responsible for his own damn behaviour and you have done nothing wrong. I don't understand how people can do this to their partners and then just come home and look them in the eye without any remorse whatsoever. There is something fundamentally wrong with some people. Hugs and and

Oh yes there is no going back

I'm so sorry OP.

5 weeks ago, I discovered that my H of 20 years had been having an affair with a work colleague. Even that isn't the same level of deception as your H, but I do understand the pain, shock and disbelief you must be feeling right now.

My best advice would be to be as kind to yourself as possible for the immediate future. You don't need to speak to him unless YOU want to. You don't need to see him unless YOU want to. Some people need to speak & try to get all of the answers immediately (like I did). Others need space to get their own mind clear first. Whatever YOU need to do is what should happen - sod what he wants. He doesn't get to dictate how this goes from here on in.

I nursed him through an illness, I thought we were friends...all of that I can deal with but his the hell do you cone home and kiss your child with that mouth

Whoah!

I'm so so sorry to hear this Christina

I don't want to speak to him, how can you rationalize spending your days meeting men from random websites

Christina, we are all here for you. What a shock. 🍷

You are in shock no doubt but the best thing I can say right now is get your ducks in a row as soon as you can & I know you've probably given this advice to posters thousands of times yourself!

I can't find the words to say how sorry I am for you right now lovely.