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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

It's happened to me

116 replies

Christinayangstwistedsista · 26/02/2016 18:09

Well after giving lots of advice on here I have discovered today that that man I have known for 30 years doesn't exist

It turns out he has sex with men, it turns out he hasn't been to work for a Long time and instead goes to hotels for sex, it turns out he takes crystal meth

OP posts:
Original poster
Christinayangstwistedsista · 26/02/2016 22:02

Ds doesnt to talk, which worries me but I guess the weesoul is trying to take it in

OP posts:
SharkSkinThing · 26/02/2016 22:20

Extra Flowers.

BitOutOfPractice · 26/02/2016 22:24

God OP I just keep reading your thread again and shaking my head in disbelief (not that I don't believe you , that I cannot imaginethe scale of the betrayal you've suffered)

Have you got any RL support - you can't cope with this alone without support. I wish I could give you and your DS a squeeze and I don't care if that's unMNy

mumsonthelash · 26/02/2016 23:22

You will be ok I promise you. You will be in shock. I have been through similar and am now out the other side. The good thing is that's he's gone. You will recover and be stronger

JonesTheSteam · 27/02/2016 00:00

So sorry Christina Flowers

YellowTulips · 27/02/2016 00:20

The phrase "there but for the grace of God" springs to mind.

I don't think anyone ever thinks or can possibly imagine the circumstances you are in Christina. No one thinks it will "happen to them".

How could you possibly have foreseen this?

Be kind to yourself. I'm so bloody sorry you are having to deal with this Thanks

Original poster
Christinayangstwistedsista · 27/02/2016 00:52

Fell asleep and then woke up thinking about it

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FastWindow · 27/02/2016 00:59

Im still here, no advice but jesus, stupid to ask but are you ok? Id be homicidal.

GarlicShake · 27/02/2016 01:11

Sending you a virtual hand-hold, Christina. Please treat yourself as you would treat a sick person - shock depletes the system, and is doubtless still ongoing for you.

Keep warm and maybe have a hot drink. Don't "think" at this time of night, it'll only keep going round in circles. Watch a film if you can't sleep. Or try a slug of alcohol, it's not too late to sleep.

xx

Hissy · 27/02/2016 01:22

Oh my love, this is a magnitude 12 on the Richter scale, this will shake you tongue very foundations, but you will get through this.

I had a boyfriend who turned out to be gay,, but this pales into insignificance compared with your situation. I know I hurt, I can't imagine how you will feel.

This will take time to feel manageable, you will feel awful, please just try to be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes.

Keep posting, we are here, just hoping we can help in some way. Xx

Hissy · 27/02/2016 01:23

To your, not tongue.. Grr iPhone Hates me!

SoThatHappened · 27/02/2016 01:31

Fell asleep and then woke up thinking about it

The night is always the worst. You sleep fitfully and then you wake up and you have forgotten momentarily and then you remember and you feel sick all over again. :-(

Original poster
Christinayangstwistedsista · 27/02/2016 01:33

I had discovered something two years ago when we were living abroad and I chose to believe him but I have had a niggle but I just couldn't believe it

I should have faced up to it

OP posts:
FastWindow · 27/02/2016 01:35

Hey, we all look the other way. Not your fault. His.

AcrossthePond55 · 27/02/2016 01:35

Oh God. I know you're living every woman's secret fear. I'm so, so sorry! As others have said, be kind to yourself. Don't try to take care of everything in one day. Your DS will be fine, he has you.

Flowers Wine and literally tonnes of Cake

Original poster
Christinayangstwistedsista · 27/02/2016 01:41

It seems that when we were living abroad he wS on a site called planet Romeo and was meeting people from there

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AcrossthePond55 · 27/02/2016 01:50

Listen, I'd probably believe my DH, too, just like you did. Of course we trust them. Of course we believe them. That's why we married them. Don't kick yourself for trusting the person you were supposed to be able trust!

The fault is 100% his. You are NOT to blame in any way, shape, or form.

FastWindow · 27/02/2016 01:53

Get mad, get even. But look after the dc and yourself first. What an absolute shite.

Original poster
Christinayangstwistedsista · 27/02/2016 02:03

He is a seriously fucked up individual, if we had just split because he didn't love me at least we could have still have family time together to make things better for Ds. How the hell do I do that with someone who can do the things he has done? Ds asked me if dad still loved him, I told him yes, but really I was thinking, I honestly don't know

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JustHavinABreak · 27/02/2016 02:21

I hope you've fallen asleep again. The nights are the worst time. You may be lying there trying to work out which parts of your life were real and which were lies. Concentrate on your DS. If nothing else, you have a son you adore.

tomatoplantproject · 27/02/2016 05:25

You are a loving, trusting soul. You are a good person - just look at the advice you give here and the help you give people with what you do with your time. There is no shame in choosing to believe him, no shame at all.

The shame is all his. You wash your hands of him.

I hope you've managed some sleep xx

Superwitchy · 27/02/2016 08:41

I wish we were your circle of friends in RL, we could be so much more use to you! I hope you're managing ok. If you did ignore signs in the past, who can blame you? It's a hideous betrayal, definitely not something you could have predicted

Original poster
Christinayangstwistedsista · 27/02/2016 08:51

Exhausted and feel really lightheaded, however D's friend is coming g down today and his parents have been through a split so think ds wants to talk to him

I'm clearing the house of all his stuff so that feels quite cathartic

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tomatoplantproject · 27/02/2016 08:56

All of this is perfectly natural and its just the shock.

Have you told your friends what has happened? Are you eating?

Original poster
Christinayangstwistedsista · 27/02/2016 09:03

I've told my friends and family

Should I tell school, obviously not the details, but let them know to keep an eye on ds

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