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Original poster

Kinky erm things

116 replies

CuriouslyClara · 08/01/2016 20:45

So it's a Friday and I've had a glass of Wine or three

I've recently started a new relationship and we've both been having been pretty "vanilla" sex so far. This is my first relationship (I'm quite young)

Anyway, I'd really like to start experimenting with certain things I'm a prude about this stuff!! like him being dominant and I guess spanking which I've always wanted to try

I'm going to have to be tipsy to do it but just wondering how I can (a) tell him that I want to do this; (b) how to do it?! I don't think he's had that much experience in this domain so I want it to be good for both of us. Do we act out a scenario? Do I pretend to be a (cringeeee) "naughty girl"? What works for most people? How do we get started?!

I'm not a journo, just a clueless poster looking for some well-meaning advice!! Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
CuriouslyClara · 08/01/2016 20:47

The alternative is that I just keep schtum about my fantasies which I think is pretty sad really! Surely having fun and letting go is what it's all about. I'm still not that confident in bed so I feel like him being "in charge" as it were might give me a release of sorts? I'm not sure he's ever been in this position in previous relationships so I don't know how to frame it. Is it as simple as saying, "I would find it really sexy if you did xyz tonight"? I am, literally, clueless

OP posts:
Quiero · 08/01/2016 20:48

I'd post this in the sex topic if I were you, or have you not been registered long enough?

Original poster
CuriouslyClara · 08/01/2016 20:51

I haven't been registered for long enough I don't think, just shy of the month mark!

OP posts:
Original poster
CuriouslyClara · 08/01/2016 20:52

I'm not looking for anyone to divulge personal details btw so I can get my rocks off hairy-trucker style just some simple advice. There's no one i'm brave enough to talk about this with IRL!

OP posts:
RealityCheque · 08/01/2016 20:53

It won't be a popular view on here, but is watching porn with him an option?

Original poster
CuriouslyClara · 08/01/2016 20:55

Reality - yeah it's an option but I would hate it to be honest! Maybe at some point down the line but not for now. Thanks though Smile

I guess I could watch it myself for ideas though? The soft stuff. If we watched it together I would get really self conscious about how I don't measure up to the girls and it would definitely kill my mood

OP posts:
5subjectnotebook · 08/01/2016 21:01

Ask him what he'd like to try then when he asks the question to you, you tell him?

HermioneWeasley · 08/01/2016 21:05

Have you read "the boss" by Abigail Barnett? Maybe buy him a copy and see if it melts his butter?

Original poster
CuriouslyClara · 08/01/2016 21:09

5subject - yeah that's what I'm intending to do but it's just an awkward subject for me to broach. Also I'm really scared about what he'll say. What if he has weird fantasies Confused Or his is to be the submissive partner?! I know this sounds crazy but I wouldn't be able to do that for him.

Hermione - just googled, I'll read that. He really wouldn't want to read it though! I mean maybe he would if I asked, but he's a pretty straight guy, I don't think he'd be keen to read chick-lit erotica (or indeed turned on by it)...

OP posts:
Original poster
CuriouslyClara · 08/01/2016 21:11

By straight I mean conventional. He wouldn't be excited by erotica I don't think, sadly Sad Thank you for the tips though, both Smile

OP posts:
futureme · 08/01/2016 21:13

Talk :)

category12 · 08/01/2016 21:16

Just say the thing: "let's do some roleplay - dress up and spank me". If he's up for it, have fun - and if it's not to your liking, he stops when you say stop. If it goes well, and you want to develop things further together, maybe hang out in discussion groups on Fetlife or something and ask questions.

BoneyBackJefferson · 08/01/2016 21:19

Anything that involves a partner being dominant/bondage needs a long talk before hand.

Original poster
CuriouslyClara · 08/01/2016 21:20

Ok I'll try and start a tipsy conversation Smile

I just want to get it sorted in my mind though beforehand so I don't clam up when he asks me more about what I want? I don't know Blush Like do people normally incorporate it into sex or do you kind of do a role-play?! I'm really naive! I've read 50 shades and all that guff and I'm not keen. Just the spanking side really. I don't even know whether I'd like it!

OP posts:
0phelia · 08/01/2016 21:20

I bought a pair of handcuffs, and a spanking paddle from Harmony.
I gave them to DP while I was dressed seductively.

He got the message pretty quick.

Original poster
CuriouslyClara · 08/01/2016 21:21

Okay category that sounds like a plan. Thank you.

But (and this is going to sound odd) we are both not super experienced. I feel like I need to direct him a bit get him in the mood with a scenario or just some talking it up beforehand. And I don't know how! I want him to get into it (and I think he would) but just need to tell him what I want

OP posts:
Original poster
CuriouslyClara · 08/01/2016 21:23

Thanks 0phelia I can do that bit Smile

What are the logistics though?! Like how far do you lot go. As I say the only things I've heard of are things like 50 shades which are pretty out there. I just want some mild action. I don't want him to go too far or, by the same measure, be too tame and scared of hurting me. I really do need to spell it out

OP posts:
0phelia · 08/01/2016 21:25

Spanking is my thing. I have never known a man to turn it down either.

Find yourself a nice pair of knickers that make your bum look good. Don't worry about too much role play, just bend over and say
"I need a proper spanking".

Then, it's an exciting adventure learning what you can both contribute to this dynamic. Hopefully your DP will contribute something.

0phelia · 08/01/2016 21:26

How far do I go?
Depends on him.

MiniTheMinx · 08/01/2016 21:28

Oh you could just act up! Tease him, then back off, repeat, tell him you're a naughty girl, tell him he will have to find some way to make you behave, suggest he catch you and put you over his knee. But it might be better in a new relationship to just broach the subject when the time is right.

It's very difficult though. If a guy isn't experienced and you can't communicate openly, or he is one of those men who is sensitive about changing his "game" then you may as well nail jelly to a wall.

0phelia · 08/01/2016 21:29

I had a relationship with a lovely man who loved spanking me. We sometimes did oral sex in public (fetish clubs) but nothing extreme.

Then I met DH (we have one DS). He burned me with a cigarette on my request. This is very personal information but we have gone very "far".

MiniTheMinx · 08/01/2016 21:31

Really ophelia...not in my experience. Not all men want to do this. Frightened of hurting you, don't get off on either the idea of it, the reality and don't really like the dynamic or psychology of it. Boring but true.

Original poster
CuriouslyClara · 08/01/2016 21:32

I was thinking that Mini, I like that idea - playful and not too serious! Also like your suggestion 0phelia, thank you, i appreciate the advice

I just worry it's going to be horribly awkward and he'll be like "how hard? I don't want to hurt you.." Etc etc

Essentially I think because I'm quite shy and unconfident, I want him to take control and just know! But that's quite a big ask

I will be a bit teasing and silly after a few glasses and suggest he does something to help me address the problem WinkSmile

OP posts:
Original poster
CuriouslyClara · 08/01/2016 21:34

I really want him to get in the mood of it too, it's just such a hard one - if we get it right, it will be amazing, if we get it wrong, I probably won't want to try it again Sad

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 08/01/2016 21:46

It's a new relationship, and you're not feeling confident, and you're not comfortable to bring it up yet.

"Vanilla" sex is amazing, with the right person.

So honestly, I'd say put aside everything else until you actually feel comfortable with this man. Not just sexually, but generally.

The time to ask, is when you're not worried about it getting all awkward when he says "how hard?"
When you know you could have a nice easy, maybe giggly, conversation about it - that's the time to ask. Until then, explore "vanilla" - don't knock it!

When you are ready to explore fantasies, I find an easy way is to say you just want to talk about it, not do anything. So with my boyfriend, we'll have sex and whilst we're close and doing that, I'll whisper "I've been thinking maybe sometime we could..." Then you can gauge if it's a turn on for you both or not. But without the pressure of actually doing it.