Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Could you date a teetotaller?

104 replies

Abundatia · 13/09/2015 19:34

I recently ended a relationship after he gave me an ultimatum: that either I start drinking alcohol or he would dump me. So I dumped him.

My non-drinking isn't a big deal or something I tend to bring up. Not in AA or anything. I just don't want to drink anymore.

Would you date a teetotaller? Why or why not?

OP posts:
Artandco · 13/09/2015 19:35

Of course, alcohol or not has nothing to do with a relationship ( unless an alcoholic)

Scobberlotcher · 13/09/2015 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hero1callylost · 13/09/2015 19:38

Unless your main pastime is clubbing/pubbing/drinking I don't get why anyone wouldn't date a teetotaller.

Good for you for dumping him! Smile

MusicMum18 · 13/09/2015 19:38

I am married but I would date a teetotaller, I don't drink much myself, just the odd glass of red and mulled wine at Xmas.
Good for you dumping your ex, what a ridiculous ultimatum. He needed to accept you as you are. What about if you are a veggie and he didn't like it? Would he tell you to eat meat otherwise you'd be dumped.
I say good riddance. I'd have done the same as you.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 13/09/2015 19:38

Yes of course, unless the date insisted I was teetotal too.

oldaninpurple · 13/09/2015 19:38

Absolutely I would, mainly because I am one. Did he say why he wanted you to drink? Not that it matters actually...you are indeed, well rid!

Chasingsquirrels · 13/09/2015 19:39

Well, I am, so yes.
DP was bemused by my non-drinking when we first got together and kept telling me I'd like certain things - I don't and I'd rather have a soft drink. Now I think he just appreciates the fact that we never have to have the whose driving home discussion.

MrsPresley · 13/09/2015 19:39

My DP is teetotal.

Doesn't bother me, and my drinking doesn't bother him.

In almost 20 years I have never seen DP have an alcoholic drink of any kind, it's just perfectly normal for us and I really don't understand why anyone would have a problem with someone who doesn't drink Confused

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 13/09/2015 19:42

Wouldn't bother me as long as he didn't mind me going to beer festivals and drinking with my friends.

I wouldn't tolerate being judged for it, or forbidden from going into pubs, but just with someone who chose not to partake themselves, no, no problem.

Original poster
Abundatia · 13/09/2015 19:43

The experience was a bit of a blow to my ego and now I fear that men may not be attracted to somebody who doesn't drink. My ex said every couple should be able to get tipsy together and that it's a normal part of life.

OP posts:
tribpot · 13/09/2015 19:43

Could you date a drinker, OP? I know I couldn't - but then I am in recovery so my situation is somewhat different (er, plus I am married so not doing a whole lotta dating anyway).

I would absolutely bin off anyone who made this kind of ultimatum. I would hesitate to date someone who drank regularly but only because I need not to be around alcohol and so logistically it would be difficult.

captainproton · 13/09/2015 19:43

I am teetotal and my DH was not when we met. Now he barely drinks, maybe a glass of something at a party perhaps. He says his health has improved, our finances certainly have. He says he just fell into the habit of having a glass of wine of an evening or sometimes a bottle. His drinking never bothered me, he changed because I wasn't encouraging him, so there is hope.

I think anyone who puts booze before a loved one has a troubled relationship with alcohol imo. I think you are well rid.

Original poster
Abundatia · 13/09/2015 19:44

He said I should drink because it's more "normal." He said having to drink wine while I drank water was "embarrassing"

OP posts:
category12 · 13/09/2015 19:44

I think I'd find it an advantage tbh. My ex was definitely not a teetotaller.

tribpot · 13/09/2015 19:46

Two billion people in the world drink alcohol. Which means 5 billion people do not. Thus statistics conclude (as if there was any doubt) he is talking bollocks.

Original poster
Abundatia · 13/09/2015 19:46

I could date a drinker. I couldn't date a binge drinker who was getting absolutely wasted regularly though. Good luck with your recovery x

OP posts:
Saltedcaramel4 · 13/09/2015 19:47

He's wrong. Not every couple gets tipsey together. However, every successful relationship has partners who respect each other

Original poster
Abundatia · 13/09/2015 19:47

Although he didn't drink excessively around me my gut instinct is that he drank loads normally and possibly had a drinking problem.

OP posts:
tribpot · 13/09/2015 19:47

Thanks - I've been sober for 4.5 years. Unlike your wanker of an ex!

Lweji · 13/09/2015 19:50

I wouldn't date anyone who told me what I should drink or not.

You did well to dump him. Now you should find someone who has a healthy relationship with drink and for you to have a healthy relationship with.

HappyJustToBe · 13/09/2015 19:50

My DH doesn't drink at all. He drank a little when we met but did that due to pressure from his social circle. As he got older he realised that drinking to please others was ridiculous. It is a complete non issue for us. Well done, OP.

RachelZoe · 13/09/2015 19:54

What the hell?

I love a drink, I really do. DH will only drink on holiday or at a very special occasion/once in a blue moon will join me for a rum and coke etc and even then only in moderation, he has maybe 5-10 units a year.

It has never been an issue. That guy sounds dreadful, people who care that much about appearing "normal" are always a waste of time.

60sname · 13/09/2015 19:56

I personally wouldn't. Neither DH nor I regularly drink to excess but I do enjoy getting tipsy with him (when not pg!) . IME it is hard for non-drinkers to avoid judging drinkers.

However clearly there are plenty of people who would be happy to date a teetotaller.

Mindexplode · 13/09/2015 19:59

My dh doesn't drink much, maybe champagne at a wedding. I do drink, but a couple of glasses at weekends. Occasionally I will go out with people and drink more in company. He doesn't comment much on my drink other than offer me wine after a bad day. I know he will mostly drive home unless we agree to get a taxi and he gets up with the dc in the mourning

Blu · 13/09/2015 20:02

Yes, unless I was expected to be teetotal too, and if pubs were a no go zone.

I would rather be with a teetotaler than someone who built their life around drink and getting drunk, second home at the pub etc, but I do like to sit with a pint in a pub garden on holiday, have wine with a meal and sometimes have a screechy laugh with friends.