Could you date a teetotaller?

[Abundatia]

I recently ended a relationship after he gave me an ultimatum: that either I start drinking alcohol or he would dump me. So I dumped him.

My non-drinking isn't a big deal or something I tend to bring up. Not in AA or anything. I just don't want to drink anymore.

Would you date a teetotaller? Why or why not?

[gateauxauxfruits]

I don't drink, and I admire people who do who can handle it (which I couldn't). DP does and loves the fact that I don't because he never has to be the designated driver.

And any drinker who comments on, let alone challenges, non-drinking is a wanker.

[TheBunnyOfDoom]

Definitely. I don't drink much anyway, barely a few units a month. I can go months without drinking sometimes.

[specialsubject]

there aren't that many nice non-alcoholic drinks around if you don't like fizzy things or sugary juices; no-one really wants more than one of those. So excuse me if I do drink water. I'm thirsty, what else would I drink?

[LunchpackOfNotreDame]

I'm tempted to make a line of cordials or posh flavoured waters. At the moment my favourite drinks are apple and raspberry j20 or the raspberry lemonade by Belvoir. But it'd be nice to have something different!

[m0therofdragons]

Dh rarely drinks and can take it or leave it. We go out and I drink wine he has cola and he drives. Perfect.

[motherinferior]

I drink. My partner gave it up some years ago. He has many little habits that drive me to distraction but his non-drinking isn't one of them.

[SecondMrsAshwell]

My BF is teetotal and I drink fairly heavily, but not when I'm with him, cos I don't want to look an idiot.

So he does me good. And that's the best thing you can say about a man. He does me good.

[PoundingTheStreets]

Two of my closest friends are tee-totallers. DP and I both drink. What I drink/do depends on who I'm with and what I'm doing. TBH I'd miss some of the tipsy evenings I have with DP but if he gave up alcohol tomorrow, it wouldn't be a problem. If I were on the dating scene, I probably would want to know if someone drinks, but more from avoiding someone with alcohol issues rather than avoiding someone who avoids alcohol IYSWIM. There is surely far more to a person than whether they drink alcohol.

That said, sometimes there can be a perception of being judged by tee-totallers, just as those who drink too much can be overly defensive of their drinking habits.

In this case I think you did well to lose the XP! What sort of knob says something like having to drink wine while I drank water was "embarrassing"

[GiddyOnZackHunt]

Just to look at it from another angle. I used to smoke properly. Total addict. I have given up but DH is a social smoker. I don't have a problem with that.
Also I'm a vegetarian but DH isn't. Again it's no problem.
If the date had an ex who was an alcoholic then he might be trying to future proof his relationship but otherwise it's a bit odd.

[GiddyOnZackHunt]

Although thinking about it, would you feel as freaked by someone wanting a non-smoker as a partner?

[LadyB49]

I'm practically teetotal....wasn't always, and it served the purpose of improving my dancing skills and improved the company at parties. DH rarely drinks ( got that out of his system as a young 'un), now perhaps a Magners at an event. This means that we'd go to a pub for food, I'd usually have water, very occasionally a vodka...I'm a cheap date :) Buy it does mean that we have no interest in sitting in a pub for several hours......although there was a time......
But agree that op should not change her way to suit another.

[Kampeki]

Yes, absolutely, as long as he didn't expect me to give up alcohol as well. It would be a complete non-issue for me.

[TheCraicDealer]

No, I wouldn't. Mostly because here if you don't drink it's because generally because you're "good living" (ie very religious), and so that suggests there's other things I'm into which they wouldn't be.

The one person I knew who didn't drink for other reasons (didn't like it) was also a bit of a kill joy. Organised all the Christmas and office does for lunch time so we had to go back into the office afterwards, wanted to skip off as quickly as possible. We all got on well and there was no chance of the rest of us getting shit faced, but she just had no interest in sitting watching the rest of us share a bottle of wine or two after a meal. As it was a small workplace it really felt that as she was going the rest of us should too.

She was 40 and on the dating scene and it was a big issue. She said she could really see the light go out of men's eyes as she told them, "oh I don't drink". Sometimes if it was arranging to meet and they suggested a bar and she told them then they wouldn't even come back to her. I always told her it was best they showed their true colours then, but ultimately here (NI) there's a big drinking scene and it forms the basis of many peoples' social (and work) lives. If you don't think someone who you've made relatively little investment in is going to fit in somewhat with that then I don't think it's unreasonable to decide not to pursue it on that basis.

Now, saying all that your man shouldn't have been getting on like that. You're a grown woman, you know your own mind and I'm sure you've had enough people going, "Auch are you sure you won't have a wee drink" to know you're fixed in your views. If it was such a big issue he shouldn't have continued the relationship, not held you to ransom.

[definiteissues]

I'm a smoker, but I don't think you can compare someone who doesn't want to date a smoker to someone who doesn't want to date a drinker.
Smoking smells. Even if you only smoke outside, you smell. Second hand smoke also causes an effect.
It isn't the same comparison as drinking at all

[Trills]

I would rather not.

I am not saying I absolutely WOULDN'T, but I'd prefer not to.

In a real life situation, I might meet someone and like them enough to not mind.

In an online dating situation, I'd not choose a teetotaller.

In no situation would I try to persuade a teetotaller to drink.

[KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth]

Being married to someone with alcohol issues I would welcome a partner who was teetotal...

[Keeptrudging]

I drink a few about twice a year, so not strictly teetotal. I don't enjoy the taste any more and get horrific headaches so it's not worth it. I've got the perfect partner as my husband is an alcoholic in recovery/AA (for many years). I love that we don't drink. Great nights out (and we can/do go to pubs/gigs etc), no drunken arguments, no hangovers, either of us can drive and great love life ! When I was (briefly) online dating, I actually specified in my profile that I was not a good match for someone who enjoyed drinking. I do think it was taking it a bit far to meet and fall in love with an alcoholic though!

There is so much pressure to drink though. It bugs me that I get looked at as if I've got 2 heads if I say I'm not drinking. I think there is a lot more drinking now than when I was a child. It's the norm now for many to have wine every night with dinner, and to then have a few glasses/beers through the evening. Female friends of mine drink a lot, almost daily, it's socially acceptable. I think your ex was an arse, he's obviously got control issues. It's him, not you. There are people out there who are moderate drinkers who wouldn't see it as an issue.

[liletsthepink]

The pp who dislikes people who will only drink water - please bear in mind that some people can't drink anything except water due to bladder, bowel or stomach issues. I drink water because anything else will mean I'm on antibiotics and possibly in hospital the next day. Please think before you judge what others are drinking. It is not done to offend you or anyone else.

My DH and I are both teetotal and we are used to being treated like weirdos when we attend any social gatherings. We bet with each other how many times I will be asked 'only water, are you sure?' at a wedding.

[liquidrevolution]

I married one. Was a bit odd at first but it makes no difference now.

Plus he always drives home

[AndTheBandPlayedOn]

Yes. My dh and I don't drink. (Alcoholism in our respective families and dh is on anti-depressants).
I always thought it odd that (generally) people drinking expected the nondrinkers to justify their position...when, imho, it should be the other way around (why do you need a chemical enhancement-in addition to hangovers/cumulative health risks?). Perhaps they are just uncomfortable drinking in the company of nondrinkers? But, why? Those reasons are about them, not the nondrinker.

OP , you were right to dump him. He wanted to shove you into a template to meet his expectations/comforts. As a PP said, what would be next?

Presently, I also am pretty much drinking only water...3 liters a day for low-carb boot camp .

[LemonBreeland]

I havent't read the whole thread. I don't drink often and I find that people who are drinking feel that I am somehow making a judgement on them by not drinking, or that I can't be as fun. I can happily enjoy myself while others are drinking but don't feel the need to join in that often.

It says more about the person who drinks and is being fussy about it than the one who isn't drinking.

[AmberFool]

I only drink water when everyone else is drinking as soft drinks make me heave and I get migraine if I drink alcohol. Most people don't mind, some say "what a shame" but I usually say not really.

[cremeeggboycotter]

I could, as long as they weren't controlling and insisted I give up because they didn't drink. And as long as they don't mind wine in cooking, brings out the flavour imo. My friend doesn't drink but is fine with it in food and fine with people having a drink at dinner even if she's not. I'd date her.

[cremeeggboycotter]

Good for dumping him btw OP. He sounds like a loser.