Could you date a teetotaller?

[Abundatia]

I recently ended a relationship after he gave me an ultimatum: that either I start drinking alcohol or he would dump me. So I dumped him.

My non-drinking isn't a big deal or something I tend to bring up. Not in AA or anything. I just don't want to drink anymore.

Would you date a teetotaller? Why or why not?

[areyoubeingserviced]

I don't drink, my dh does. Non issue.

[ClashCityRocker]

Hmm, I don't think I could. I think I would feel like I was being judged for enjoying a glass of wine on a Friday night.

Having said that, if DH said he didn't want to drink anymore I would be fine with it, but only because I already love him, if you see what I mean.

We socialise with plenty of couples where one of the partners doesn't drink though.

But anyone who says 'do something that's known to be detrimental to your health, which you've made your own choices to avoid, or else I won't be with you' is a twat and you've had a lucky escape.

[Mermaid36]

I dont drink (18mths) and my DH does. I still go out - for meals, to pubs and gigs etc. I don't drink and I also don't care that other people do. I have no issue with what other people decide to put into their bodies!

[pocketsaviour]

It wouldn't bother me as long as they weren't being judgey. By which I mean, pursed lips if I got myself a glass of wine, comments like "isn't that your third drink?" or subtle hints that I might have "a problem".

At the moment I'm actually teetotal myself for medical reasons (since May, and probably won't drink again til next summer.) But previously I've enjoyed a glass of wine most evenings, whereas my ex didn't drink unless it was an occasion. He certainly never had a problem with me drinking, and I didn't have a problem with him not drinking.

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

I'd love to date a teetotaller. I'm not but I don't drink much or often and I'm just as happy to drive for a night out. I've never met any teetotal men though!

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

That's a lie lots of xh's friends are as they are Muslim but I don't consider them people I might date (xh friends being the factor not their religion obviously)

[Groovee]

I would but I am tea total. Do has always accepted my not drinking and I try not to stress about his drinking.

[catsrus]

You sound well rid of him to be honest - my exh was teetotal- it was great to always have a driver. I miss that not him

[antimatter]

Of course. What an odd ultimatum!

[Oysterbabe]

Personally I probably wouldn't. Lazy summer days drinking cider in beer gardens, beer festivals, having a nice meal and sharing a bottle of wine, boozy nights dancing like an idiot.. these are all things I want to enjoy with a partner. I know it's unreasonable but I just think that a teetotaller and I would have too many incompatible ideas about having fun to be able to fully enjoy being a couple.
I'd never tell someone who doesn't drink that they should though!!

[JuneFromBethesda]

Wow. The only judging on this thread appears to be by those who drink, judging those who don't. I've been teetotal all my life (don't like the taste of alcohol) and I don't think about what other people drink, it doesn't bother me in the slightest. I've never had a shortage of friends so apparently I'm still fun to be with despite my peculiar tastes My husband has no complaints either.

Your ex sounds like a wanker and you're well rid.

[definiteissues]

Personally I wouldn't.
I don't have any issues with people who are teetotal, but I wouldn't like to date someone who was. I don't drink often but I when I do I enjoy drinking with my partner (when I'm in a relationship, which I'm currently not)

[mikulkin]

Your ex is an idiot to give an ultimatum. Having said that my exDH didn't drink and I didn't see it as a problem in the beginning but with years passing on I did find it a bit uncomfortable to drink with friends and get a bit tipsy (I don't drink much usually) during parties while he was sitting completely sober next to me. We obviously divorced because of other reasons but I did prefer going out without him not to feel this way.
My DP does drink and I do enjoy having a glass of wine with him in the evening.
When I was single and tried OD I did avoid people who didn't drink but if I met someone at that time and it turned out he didn't drink I wouldn't have ruled him out for that reason only.

[akaWisey]

I'm neither teetotal nor a drinker but I've also had a problematic drinking habit in the past and have had no appetite for it whatsoever IYSWIM.

I have no issue with anyone who drinks a little, a lot or not at all. I can have a brilliant time (in fact I did on Friday night till 3am) without any booze but I'd never say I'll never drink again (and it was only that I'd have had to share a bed with someone I don't know very well that meant I decided NOT to drink that night and to drive home to my own bed).

I WOULD take issue with someone who made any assumptions about me and my relationship with alcohol and whom tried to persuade me to act against my wishes. So, yes I'd date a teetotaller and someone who drinks but I'd dump them if they tried to make me change to meet their particular world view.

[Bananalanacake]

Yes, my DP of 6 years is Teetotal, never tried alcohol in his life, just not interested in it. He doesn't mind me drinking but It's rare these days as I'm BF our 11mo.
From what I've heard drunken men are useless and I know I CBA to deal with that crap.
My first BF when I was 18 would pressure me to drink but being very young I hadn't drunk booze before so didn't know what I liked. I've read stuff on here that's very helpful and interesting, someone recently said that those who pressure others to drink have their own problems and are trying to make themselves feel normal. I feel lucky I haven't had to cope with alcoholics, that 1st relationship ran its course after 2 years, hopefully he's found someone who drinks when he tells them to.

[specialsubject]

I am one, never had any trouble. Don't care if you drink as long as you don't get boring. And no arguments about who drives. As someone else says, non-issue.

I did learn not to date arseholes, so well done on dumping yours.

[Skiptonlass]

He wanted you to start drinking?? That's... Well, you're well rid.

Unless they tut tutted every time I had a drink, or were incredibly judgemental, then no, I'd have zero problems with my oh being teetotal.

I have a mix of friends who drink and those who don't. It's not an issue for any of us and I think it's very rude indeed to try to force someone who is tt to drink.

My dh barely drinks - he'll go out and have a couple of beers maybe once every month with friends, or if we are out for a meal but that's about it. Fine by me. I'm pregnant right now and have actually enjoyed not drinking for a sustained period. I think once I am able to drink again I might not want to.

[newnamesamegame]

Its funny... I've just come out of a marriage with someone who was basically an alcoholic and I vowed not to get involved again with anyone with a big appetite for booze. And I know all the red flags and can't bear the thought of being with another big drinker.

And yet, I think actually being with a teetotaller as opposed to someone who drinks normally and moderately would be quite tough for me. I do like to drink and I sometimes like to be drunk. I also very much like not drinking and not being drunk. But having a really fun time with someone when you're drunk from time to time is quite life-enhancing.

[Yourethe1formefatty]

He has an alcohol problem.


People with alcohol issues have huge issues drinking around people who won't partake and 'normalise' their intake.

Your teetotalism was a barrier to him indulging his alcohol problem (which he is probably unaware he even has) so he tried to 'fix' you because his only other options were to: a) not drink or b) admit he has a problem.

Dumping someone is easier than either of the above.

[msrisotto]

I am tee total and can enjoy beer gardens, nice meals in restaurants and at home. Can also dance in public.

I don't judge people who do drink, I only abstain because I don't like the taste so why waste my money. In my experience, tee-totallers don't judge, but drinkers can often get very defensive. Perceiving criticism where there is none.

Have never had problems dating. Yours sounds like a tiny dick that you're far better off without.

[lauraa4]

God what a wanker, giving you an ultimatum!
Yes I would date someone who didn't drink, I am not a regular drinker myself but l like the odd one or two at the pub on a weekend, or special occasion.
I don't know why people have the perception that any non drinkers obviously are not able to have fun!? My mother in law hasn't had a drink in over 10 years due to being teetotal and she's more than happy to be around anyone who drinks. She's often the loudest one at any family gatherings!

[Topseyt]

That has to be about the most ridiculous ultimatum I have ever heard in my life.

Yes, I could date a teetotaler providing they were not of the preachy variety (I am not suggesting you are).

I am not teetotal and nor is my DH, but I am finding that as I get older my appetite for alcohol is getting decidedly less and less. I am just not that bothered about it anymore and can be happier with a cup of tea, hot chocolate or a glass of fruit juice.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

Like others, I wouldnt if I was expected to be aswell. I dont drink much but sometimes I like too. Otherwise I wouldnt have a problem dated someone who didnt drink.

[Intheprocess]

No problem for me, as long as she didn't mind me getting a bit merry at parties. TBH, I very rarely get properly drunk anyway. If you can't have fun when sober with someone you're looking to spend lots of time with in the future, it's not going to work anyway.

[ouryve]

Yes.

It sounds like your not drinking alcohol habit has been a wonderful arsehole filter.