Could you date a teetotaller?

[Abundatia]

I recently ended a relationship after he gave me an ultimatum: that either I start drinking alcohol or he would dump me. So I dumped him.

My non-drinking isn't a big deal or something I tend to bring up. Not in AA or anything. I just don't want to drink anymore.

Would you date a teetotaller? Why or why not?

[BackforGood]

Of course, as long as they weren't a person who refused to go anywhere that served alcohol - that would be different as it would impinge upon my choices - but someone who just preferred water or soft drinks, of course.

[BelindaBagwash]

I hardly drink anything - my OH drinks rather too much for my liking - we get along just fine

[Minime85]

My DP wasn't bothered about my lack of drinking. I do have the odd glass now but can take or leave it and for health reasons to do with IBS have to be very careful. Take me as I am or not is my approach really. What a silly ultimatum he gave you. Sounds like you did the right thing.

[EngTech]

Good decision to dump him.

What you drink is YOUR choice, not his

[AndDeepBreath]

I'm a teetotaller. DH was too, but now he sometimes has red wine occasionally with meals. He's quite sweet when he's a bit tipsy but I've never seen him totally drunk, and I think dating an actual "drinker" for me would be as hard as dating a non-drinker would be for some people on this thread. (I've never spent an afternoon in a pub for example, hate night clubs, and for some people that would be a deal breaker!)

[redredblue]

Yes definitely, I think I would prefer someone who didn't frequently drink, because I don't drink much either.
Also my ex had issues with alcohol which caused A LOT of arguments and problems. He cheated on me whilst drunk. He even got arrested once on a night out.
He also tried to pressure me to drink, which was part of why he is now an ex!

[ShelaghTurner]

I very rarely drink because I don't like the taste. As long as he wasn't in sole charge of my kids, driving, or expecting me to carry him home and mop up the sick I couldn't give a shiny shite what people drink. Very odd ultimatum.

[0x530x610x750x630x79]

My OH is tee total now, and i do really miss getting tipsy with him

[Abundatia]

100% agree

[Whoknewitcouldbeso]

Its definitely him not you. I rarely drink and it's never been a problem for the men I've dated.

[Blu]

The ultimatum was the main problem, you are well out of it!

[Abundatia]

On our very first date he said something like "shall we get a bottle of wine?" [We were in a cafe that mainly serves soft drinks]. I then said that I don't drink actually. He immediately appeared horrified and shocked. Then he got really defensive. He said: "I don't have a drinking problem. I just like to share a bottle over a good meal with friends. That's all. No more than that." But the thing is I had not suggested he had a drinking problem. I had made no comment at all.

Since that moment on every date he interrogated me about what drinks I used to drink before I went teetotal and at least once on each date he would say something like: "Let's hopefully get you drinking again."

Writing all this down is making me seriously wonder if he has a drinking problem. Maybe he was necking several bottles of wine a day when I wasn't around?

[swimmerforlife]

Glad you binned him OP.

Tbh I would find it hard being with teetotaller in my early-mid 20s when going clubbing on a Friday night getting shitfaced was a regular occurrence.

But now as I'm older and had kids etc I could easily manage it just so long as they don't make judgements on mine drinking or we could never to pubs etc.

[specialsubject]

teetotallers won't refuse to go to pubs! It is much easier in the UK now there is a wider choice of non-alcoholic drinks.

if you can't have fun without chemical help, it's not the teetotaller that has the problem...

[OneDayWhenIGrowUp]

I am and it's great. Still enjoy my wine with dinner at home or out, still enjoy couply evenings in the pub, still get tipsy at parties, never feel judged, still have lots of fun, but he can always drive us home afterwards.

I used to think the same as the drinkers on this thread that I wouldn't want to date a teetotaller, now I say don't knock it till you've tried it

[AndDeepBreath]

Have to add after re-reading some comments here; as a teetotaller, personally I really never have "judged" others for drinking - it's not in any way a problem or a negative thing, I just don't like it myself.

The only exception is when I know they're driving. I can't bring myself to apologise for tackling it when it happens (only once really and hope I did it nicely and not judgementally - she could barely walk and was heading to the car).

It makes me just cringe with horror because I don't think people realise how drunk they really are sometimes, or how "off" their reaction times are after "just a few".

Even then that's not judging them for drinking as such, just wishing they'd realise that accidents do really happen and it's so not worth it.

[QforCucumber]

I do drink, but rarely, I have 2 friends and a SIL who don't at all.

The first 3 times I met DP I was sober and he had consumed more than a few.

never been an issue, he likes that I don't drink regularly - i have no problem with him drinking. I think the issue with your ex is his attitude towards drinking, not your teetotalness.

[MakeItACider]

It wouldn't bother me dating someone who didn't drink alcohol, but i think it would annoy me if all he drank was water. There's lots of lovely non alcoholic drinks around, and i would feel awkward spending money on a nice glass of wine if they sat there with plain water.

[Babycham1979]

I wouldn't. But then, I wouldn't date a vegan, someone who's very religious or someone who didn't enjoy a lot of sex.

Life, for me, is too short to waste it with someone I with whom I don't share what I see as the fundamental pleasures of life.

[ExasperatedAlmostAlways]

Yeah it wouldn't bother me at all. Not having to deal with a crabby hungover man would be a bonus.

[Abundatia]

What if they prefer water to "nice non-alcoholic drinks". Sounds a bit controlling.

[OneDayWhenIGrowUp]

Fair point there abundantia.

Babycham, I very much enjoy a drink as a simple pleasure, but I certainly don't feel that I'm wasting my life because my boyfriend has something different in his glass! That just sounds daft to me.

[lynniep]

Yes. I'm an adult. I don't need a drinking partner (I don' t drink that much these days but that's not the point) Its hypothetical for me as I'm married, but if DH chose not to drink, it would neither affect nor bother me.

It might have done in my younger days when I was immature and drinking far more than is sensible.

[cocobean2805]

I wouldn't date anyone who told me what I should drink or not.

^This times a thousand ^

My DH is basically teetotal, I enjoy a drink every now and again. I've got out of the habit of drinking of late so haven't been, but he'll always ask if I fancy a glass of wine or whatever. You are well shut of him OP. Start drinking or else?! What next?! Take this heroin or else?! Have sex with me right now or else?! I'm being over dramatic but seriously, him giving you ultimatums about this kind of thing isn't on and well done for not taking his shit!

[LunchpackOfNotreDame]

Absolutely. But then I'm a teetotaller married to a heavy drinker...