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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

we cant try again can we?

121 replies

ghostspirit · 09/08/2015 22:27

i was seeing someone. ended up pregnant.he done runner 3 times within a couple of weeks. after that i told him its not happening anymore. he can see baby and stuff when he is born. he said ok and said he would be supportive during the pregnancy. if i need anything/help let him know. but everytime i asked for help there was an excuse of why he could not. i asked him 4 times and there was an excuse everytime. so i ended up moving dishwashers/washing machines/fridgefreezers. putting up trampoline/moving all the furtiture taking up carpet and laying new putting everything back..plus i was working and also other children to look after. i was in so much pain sometimes it was hell. baby is 4 months old and im still thinking about it and when i do i feel all churned up.

he is now back on the sence and wants us to make a go of things. but i dont think i have time for a relationship. i have other children and no childcare so we cant go out. i feel so drained all the time with the kids and baby i dont ever get a break and to be in a relationship with him feels like more pressure. he said he wants to get to know the kids better and we can go on family days out which sounds nice. but he also does not want to come round my house and be stuck in doors with the kids and us just sitting on the sofa. and he also wants us to be able to go out and have adult time. although i understand that i cant get baby sitters.

i dont want to make the wrong decision. im thinking i cant trust/rely on him and i dont have time.

on the other hand what do i have to loose

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 09/08/2015 22:48

Your self respect and sanity?
Re-read your previous thread.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/08/2015 22:53

forgot about other thread... see loosing sanity Confused

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 09/08/2015 22:55

It was the one where he sounded like an arsehole and you thought his interest in getting back together was motivated by trying to avoid paying maintenance Confused

Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/08/2015 23:01

i think i just found it odd that he was suddenly intrested when csa became involved. but then he would have to pay that weather with me or not. someone i know said maybe hes genuine and its hit home how real it all is. even if thats the case i dont think he truely gets what it means to be a mum to children with no help/support baby sitters.

OP posts:
springydaffs · 09/08/2015 23:07

HE IS NOT GENUINE

GET RID ASAP

Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/08/2015 23:14

i think because im on my own/lonely plus hes the father of baby it makes me have a wobble and think hes genuine as i would like it to be. but i kind of know hes not :(

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 09/08/2015 23:20

So is he paying the CSA amount now?

If he was genuine, or even if not right for each other but a decent man, the CSA would never have been involved.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/08/2015 23:31

yeah and i gave him several chances between me and him he ignored me. he said it really upset him when csa contacted as they want to know the ins and outs of a ducks butt. he pays me direct but if csa had not made contact he would not have bothered

OP posts:
Jan45 · 10/08/2015 10:04

He's one of life's little liars isn't he, promises you the earth and delivers absolute zero.

I don't know why you are even giving him any consideration, he's just one big let down.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 10/08/2015 10:56

fact is even if i did want it to work it wont.i don't think he could manage my kids. so that puts a stop to it anyway.

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 10/08/2015 15:12

He gave you a shitty stressful time in pregnancy and he's given you a shitty stressful time trying to get maintenance out of him.

someone i know said maybe hes genuine

Yeah and maybe I'll win the lottery, there's about the same chance of either!

Costacoffeeplease · 10/08/2015 15:23

You've posted about him before and how he didn't want to have anything to do with your other children, so no, it can't work, get rid and move on

Original poster
ghostspirit · 10/08/2015 17:26

he does seem better with the children. but he comes across like his not happy with it like he has to do it kind of thing.

anyway as much as part of me wanted it to work i have told him it wont. we have done all the we can be friends he will still see baby.. so i have left it like that.

then he gos and puts 20.00 in my bank why? i know theres no answer but odd thing to do. he said hes sharing his luck :/

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 10/08/2015 17:36

Ignore him

Cabrinha · 10/08/2015 18:15

Do you cost £20?

No, didn't think so.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 10/08/2015 18:37

haha lol still odd thing to do

OP posts:
newnamesamegame · 10/08/2015 19:35

He can still have a good relationship with the children but he is not going to be a committed and considerate partner to you. It doesn't really matter what his motives are, he's failed to support you during your pregnancy and now, for whatever reason, has decided he wants back in again.

You can organise things so he spends good quality time with the children but with the greatest possible respect you would be crazy to get back together with him.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 18/08/2015 23:20

hes been seeing his son once a week for couple of hours. and hes been sending me flowers with i love you message. and being nice in general,came to beach with us for the day and wants us to take the kids out over the weekend and he wants to help me put wardrobes together...

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 18/08/2015 23:23

no, for all that is holy no

Costacoffeeplease · 18/08/2015 23:25

Read your op again - he's not a nice person, he can have a relationship with his son, but do you really want to put yourself and the other kids through all this again?

Original poster
ghostspirit · 18/08/2015 23:45

i know.... Sad

OP posts:
GiddyOnZackHunt · 18/08/2015 23:53

Is this gambling money? Won £100 on the horses so bungs you a bit to keep you sweet?
There's no reason he can't be nice to you and see his child, help out with stuff without you being together. You and your dc don't need instability. He doesn't get to have Facebook family photos and sex but miss out on the responsibility of parenting.

Cabrinha · 19/08/2015 00:02

Let him do the wardrobes. Afterall, he owes you from you lugging a fridge around pregnant, doesn't he?

Of course you need to give him sex in return for the wardrobes. Fair enough Confused

Original poster
ghostspirit · 19/08/2015 00:19

he does say he was a total cunt for what he done. but then i guess he would say that. his kids have been to see the baby and stuff as well. the only thing i can think is he does not (have) to do the stuff he is he could just pop over see baby for an hour or so. and pee of till its time for next visit.

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 19/08/2015 00:32

When his kids came to see the baby, was that the beach day by any chance?
So... adult company for him on his contact day? (call me cynical Hmm)

It sounds like you want to give it a go. Your choice. In which case, know what you want from it - write it down, even. You want him to engage with your older children. You want him not to leave everything to do with the DIY. If he falls short, end it. I wouldn't be falling on his cock too quickly if you do try again - let him show he's willing to engage with your whole family first.

Out of interest (and call me cynical again) alongside giving you flowers, he's been giving you maintenance, yes?

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