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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

5:30 am and I'm raging

85 replies

LoveLetters · 02/08/2015 06:02

Currently 14 weeks pregnant with 2 DC. DH did coke last night against my wishes. He is still walking around at this time of the morning blowing his nose and still buzzing. This week, even though I am absolutely exhausted with pregnancy and having to keep getting up with a 2 yr old at night, he doesn't seem to care that I need help and that I'm on the verge of passing out most of the time. I have no one else around to help. He woke me up at 4am and I am so angry at haven't been able to go back to sleep. I'm going to be so ill tomorrow from lack of sleep. And oh joy... My son is now awake.
I really don't even know how to think right now.

OP posts:
ICantThinkOfAUsernameH · 02/08/2015 06:06

That's awful! What an idiot! Shouldn't put up with crap like that especially being pregnant and with ds. Not sure what to advise didn't want to read & run. hugs Flowers

Original poster
LoveLetters · 02/08/2015 06:09

Thank you. I don't even know what advice to give myself at this point. Wanted to have a nice family day but that's not going to happen. He complains he doesn't spend enough time with the kids because of his job and then he does this. Knob

OP posts:
Bannerstaying · 02/08/2015 06:11

Done it before? I would need to think is this a stupid one off or likely to b repeated. If the latter I would ned to learn to cope alone or put up with having to cope alone when he is like this and cope withbthe children being affected too.

NerrSnerr · 02/08/2015 06:14

Has he done coke before? He sounds like an utter twat to be honest.

WixingMords · 02/08/2015 06:15

How frequently does to do coke?

If it's more than last night (I get the idea from your wording it is) then unless you do something about how your life is then this is how it'll he.

Coke first, everything else second.

redcaryellowcar · 02/08/2015 06:19

I don't have any advice, sorry, but I think if I were in a similar situation and this wasn't the first time I'd not be wanting to keep this man in my life.
Is there any family or friends you can go to spend the day with? Can you treat yourselves to a pub lunch/ roast (I craved these when pregnant, but maybe not at 14wks)

DirtyMugPolice · 02/08/2015 06:23

Why are you with this man if doing coke is a regular habit? I know it's not easy being alone but I couldn't have a coked up wanker around my kids Flowers

Original poster
LoveLetters · 02/08/2015 06:31

He only does it once in a blue moon. I don't know how he can't look at me and see how much I need help right now. Don't even want to look at him today.

OP posts:
IsItMeOrIsItHotInHere · 02/08/2015 06:35

I would not be even dating someone who did coke, never mind having a second child with him.

Don't know what you can do about it really, given that you married a man who does coke and are now trying to change him. Good luck though - I think you are going to need it.

IsItMeOrIsItHotInHere · 02/08/2015 06:36

And out of interest, what do you call once in a blue moon?

Original poster
LoveLetters · 02/08/2015 06:40

I've been with him 10 years actually Isitmeorisithotinhere and he has never done it. Started doing it at XMAS regularly until I kicked up a stink. Now he does it every couple of months. I don't want him to do it at all. I worry about him having a heart attack and dying, then on top of that how do I tell his family and mine it's because he was using coke.

OP posts:
WixingMords · 02/08/2015 06:42

On these 'blue moons' (which is how frequently - every few years or several times a year?) after he's no longer high, and got over the cone down and back to the part of him you like, is he all regretful of how it effected you and the fact it took him away from his family and made him useless?

Once it a blue moon or not, when that blue moon rises he's going to do the coke regardless of anything (such as ill pregnant wife in need of support and a son in need of a dad) He's just proved that - coke first, everything else second.

ChaircatMiaow · 02/08/2015 06:44

The problem is not the coke. The problem is that he is a selfish selfish wanker who won't help his pregnant wife.

If it was me, he would be on his last chance. Is there family that can give you a hand so that you can get some sleep?

Newbrummie · 02/08/2015 06:44

Coke users never put anyone or anything before their habit. For the father of my children I'd want and expect more tbh

IsItMeOrIsItHotInHere · 02/08/2015 06:45

How many years ago did he start? Before you had children?

Once every couple of months is quite a lot in my opinion, but then I am quite puritanical about these things. I just couldn't have any respect for a grown man who wanted to do class A drugs for fun.

DirtyMugPolice · 02/08/2015 06:47

Every few months - so the next time might be around the time you're due to give birth? Sorry OP but he either needs to go to rehab or drug counselling or I'd be a solo parent rather than put up with that worry and selfishness x

WixingMords · 02/08/2015 06:47

Once every couple of months isn't a blue moon. Not by a long shot.

goddessofsmallthings · 02/08/2015 07:22

I worry about him having a heart attack and dying, then on top of that how do I tell his family and mine it's because he was using coke.

In that event the patholgist's report and the Coroner's Office will reveal the cause of death, but why not put his family and yours on notice now so that it won't be too much of shock for them of he pops his clogs due to snorting Colombian finest up his nose?

If he's intending to spend the day snoring his head off I suggest you give your ds some saucepans and wooden spoons and encourage him to bang away play by his df's bedside while you recline on a couch. Alternatively, place the vacuum cleaner by the open bedroom door and turn it on - there's no need to push it around.

The fact is that if you don't give him an ultimatum -and mean it - nothing will change except that he'll increase his intake of recreational drugs and indulge more frequently.

afreshstartplease · 02/08/2015 07:26

My exp was of this breed of selfish twat

Regardless of ultimatums and promises he didnt change

Cut your losses op

swisscheesetony · 02/08/2015 07:29

There was a blue moon Thursday night - next one due 2018. Wink

Sympathies OP. X

Original poster
LoveLetters · 02/08/2015 07:35

The longer I sit here the angrier I am becoming. Think I was really tired earlier. Been trying to find his stash so I can flush it down the toilet. Unfortunately no luck.
It's only 7:30 I don't know how I'm going to get through another day of looking after the kids with no help. Actually feel like crying. Selfish wanker

OP posts:
AliceScarlett · 02/08/2015 07:36

Does he drink or do any other drugs? I'm sorry you are having to cope with this. I can relate.

YouBastardSockBalls · 02/08/2015 07:38

I would ask him to leave.
It will give you space to think, and him time to reflect.

I mean, he's hardly enhancing your life at the moment is he?

Flowers
woowoo22 · 02/08/2015 07:41

Is he asleep now? Can you take your child to your parents and stay overnight? If you want to continue the marriage I suggest he needs a shock - ie you will not be around him until he agrees to attend rehab/counselling and promises never to do it again. Ever. Cannot believe he would do this with kids involved. Absolutely shocking.

woowoo22 · 02/08/2015 07:41

Or ask him to leave, yy.