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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

friend is confusing me??

104 replies

ghostspirit · 29/06/2015 12:51

about 11 weeks ago i send friend a text:

Me: have had baby. had him at home. J: poor little thing. me:why???

J: ridiculous of you having another child,not fair on others,one parent can not possibly cope properly with 4 let alone 5.

Me: oh shut up J if you have nothing nice to say. J: you know deep down that i am right. Me: please dont contact me again there is no need for your nastyness and i do not wish to have a friend like you. thanks.

J:Truth is not always sugar coated. your kids are smashing people although 4 was too many to bring up properly on your own. I really feel sorry for this new one. But i wish him every best wish for his future. Cant help being disappointed that you just carry on producing.Thats all. good luck.

Me: go away J. i can see why your kids dont like you. and i can see why you dont see your grandchild....now go away.

J: wait till yours are older you may not see them either.

following day: J: what you choose to do or not do, is not my business. should not have voiced my opinions so forcefully i suppose. Anyway happy days and good luck.

Me: no you should not you said what you had to say when i told you i was pregnant should have been left at that. Baby is here your comments were not going to make him go away. so there was no point to them.

Above convo was 23rd april

then 9th june i sent message: how are you. no reply. 14th i sent another: i guess you dont want to talk to us anymore. shame because we were friends for a long time. and you were like a nan to the kids as they dont have that. and L was asking about you the other day.never mind i guess people in life come and go.

J: im in mallorca till thurs. Thats all maybe expensive to text not sure. Me: ok have fun.

28/06....Me good you felt you could speak to O but not me...thanks

my confusion is she does not seem to want to talk to me. but then sends me a birthday card. she does not reply to me if i message her will talk to my daughter but not me. but sends me a birthday card. its really confusing me she either does want to talk to me or dont????

OP posts:

MelanieCheeks · 29/06/2015 12:53

Ermmmm, cos you told her to "go away"?

twirlypoo · 29/06/2015 12:54

It all sounds very Jeremy Kyle. I don't think either of you should contact the other again.

Icimoi · 29/06/2015 12:55

You told her repeatedly to go away. Why are you trying to contact her now?

MrsBertMacklin · 29/06/2015 12:55

Because you told them to go away, then didn't accept their apology, then sent a pass-agg text about them talking to someone else?

Sounds like someone trying to drop a friend as gracefully as possible.

But to be honest the only way you will know is to pick up the phone and stop trying to negotiate this by text messages.

SuperFlyHigh · 29/06/2015 12:56

Grow up. Surely you can realise she's not much of a friend and best ignored. Both as bad as the other.

Wishful80sMontage · 29/06/2015 12:56

You told her you didn't want a friend like her. Why are you contacting her leave it all be.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 29/06/2015 12:57

i told her to go away because she was being nasty just a few days after i had given birth. then she said she should not have been so forcful in what she was saying. so then i try hold out an olive branch.

OP posts:

NRomanoff · 29/06/2015 12:58

She probably felt she ahould send a card, but has decided to take a huge step back from your friendship.

The 28/6 was yesterday. So if you received a birthday card after that, you must have got it today. So she had sent it before you got pissy about her talking to someone else

500Decibels · 29/06/2015 12:58

Leave it. I don't think you two have much of a friendship.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 29/06/2015 12:59

mrs yes i agree i dont get why she would ignore me but send a birthday card

OP posts:

catlovingdoctor · 29/06/2015 12:59

Why would you try and get back in contact with someone so rude to you? Have some self respect...

NRomanoff · 29/06/2015 13:00

I can't see the olive branch or that she particularly wanted one.

She kinda apologised. You sniped back then tried to contact her when you made it clear you wanted her to go away. She obviously doesn't approve and feels she can't keep quiet so is staying away

nikinaki · 29/06/2015 13:01

wow how old are you all? You told her to go away and then wonder why she isn't talking to you? What's confusing about that?

Original poster

ghostspirit · 29/06/2015 13:01

nromanoff O is my daughter j would normally talk to me about what to get o for her birthday. and she would normally talk to us both.

OP posts:

mmmuffins · 29/06/2015 13:01

You are both horrible to each other. Why are you friends, and why are you trying to maintain this friendship?

Original poster

ghostspirit · 29/06/2015 13:03

i told her to go away because of the nasty things she was saying...i give up

OP posts:

downgraded · 29/06/2015 13:03

Grow up, grow up, grow up.

You were both mean. You don't want to be her friend, fine, don't be. Don't contact her.

You sound like you are getting off on the drama.

AreYouThinkingWhatImThinking · 29/06/2015 13:03

Personally I don't understand why you contacted her again on the 9th and 14th June after the horrible opinionated texts she sent surrounding the birth of your newest arrival...

You told her to go away (which I would've done too), so why out of the blue did u text to see if she was ok? She's probably as confused as you so sent the birthday to gauge your response...

IMO if a 'friend' feels the need to shit all over my happiness and be rude about my life choices she ain't no friend and good riddance. But if you do still want her as a friend then just ring her and speak... IME texts can be misconstrued and taken out of context. Just speak to her and take it from there

NRomanoff · 29/06/2015 13:03

And? You told her to stay away, so she is doing. Doesn't mean she has to cut off your dd too.

NRomanoff · 29/06/2015 13:05

I don't blame you for not wanting to speak to her.

But since then you have been just as bad as she has.

There is no confusion. She is taking a step back, but still felt she should send a card. But right now she doesn't want to be involved. So leave it

SurlyCue · 29/06/2015 13:05

I dont get why you texted her after telling her to go away? What did you expect?

Anyway, this is not a friendship, its toxic. You two arent good for each other and it only serves to upset you. Cut your ties and move on. Stop torturing yourself over whether she's your friend or not. (She isnt) You'll be far happier.

downgraded · 29/06/2015 13:06

Also, why would you NOT think that she didn't want to speak to you after what you and she both said?

Why would you want to speak to her? Why would she want to speak to you? Neither of you sound like you have any respect for the other person.

NerrSnerr · 29/06/2015 13:09

Why do you still want to talk to her? Doesn't sound like you like each other.

From the exchange you both sound like you're about 17 but I'm guessing you must be older. You really need to grow up and get some friends who respect you.

rockybalboa · 29/06/2015 13:10

What?!? No friends have text convos like that, she is no friend of yours. She sounds hideous for saying what she did after the birth of your baby. Why ever did you feel the need to contact her again?! You need to delete, block and get shot. Are you ok generally and do you have other friends/family for support?

CrystalHaze · 29/06/2015 13:12

With 5 kids you surely have enough to do without engaging in this sort of juvenile, school-yard crap. Neither you or your 'friend' come out of this looking good. Or mature.

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