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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

friend is confusing me??

104 replies

ghostspirit · 29/06/2015 12:51

about 11 weeks ago i send friend a text:

Me: have had baby. had him at home. J: poor little thing. me:why???

J: ridiculous of you having another child,not fair on others,one parent can not possibly cope properly with 4 let alone 5.

Me: oh shut up J if you have nothing nice to say. J: you know deep down that i am right. Me: please dont contact me again there is no need for your nastyness and i do not wish to have a friend like you. thanks.

J:Truth is not always sugar coated. your kids are smashing people although 4 was too many to bring up properly on your own. I really feel sorry for this new one. But i wish him every best wish for his future. Cant help being disappointed that you just carry on producing.Thats all. good luck.

Me: go away J. i can see why your kids dont like you. and i can see why you dont see your grandchild....now go away.

J: wait till yours are older you may not see them either.

following day: J: what you choose to do or not do, is not my business. should not have voiced my opinions so forcefully i suppose. Anyway happy days and good luck.

Me: no you should not you said what you had to say when i told you i was pregnant should have been left at that. Baby is here your comments were not going to make him go away. so there was no point to them.

Above convo was 23rd april

then 9th june i sent message: how are you. no reply. 14th i sent another: i guess you dont want to talk to us anymore. shame because we were friends for a long time. and you were like a nan to the kids as they dont have that. and L was asking about you the other day.never mind i guess people in life come and go.

J: im in mallorca till thurs. Thats all maybe expensive to text not sure. Me: ok have fun.

28/06....Me good you felt you could speak to O but not me...thanks

my confusion is she does not seem to want to talk to me. but then sends me a birthday card. she does not reply to me if i message her will talk to my daughter but not me. but sends me a birthday card. its really confusing me she either does want to talk to me or dont????

OP posts:
schlong · 30/06/2015 11:45

Ignore the haters ^^ghost.

schlong · 30/06/2015 11:49

Your friend was wrong to text poor thing but could've voiced her concerns to you in person. It is a massive struggle being single mum to 5 but she was out of order to express it in that way and at that time. You're free to post whatever the fuck you want until notification that freedom of expression has been well n truly suppressed by the MN groupthink brigade. Try to move forward with your mate if you value her.

SuperFlyHigh · 30/06/2015 12:11

ok OP but sorry whenever I see your posts it's a bit of drama but I'm not MN police...

In fact most of your posts (not that I have searched for them) tend to be about the small details of your life, stuff that like i say most of us would deal with. But then you don't have anyone to share with. It just seems 'loose' to me but carry on, as you were!

SuperFlyHigh · 30/06/2015 12:12

oh and I did not say how or you mustn't post just how you're perceived here and in general outside. which is after all what you came on AIBU to ask opinions for anyway... Confused

Original poster
ghostspirit · 30/06/2015 12:33

super what do you mean by loose?...pointless? if so then yes some of them are. but i should think more than half of the threads on MN are. but then if my other posts come across as drama then i cant win can i?

yes some staff is small everyday things. and people do talk about eveyday small things. i dont have anyone i can share them things with. so i post on MN so i have some sort of contact outside of theses 4 walls.

OP posts:
Original poster
ghostspirit · 30/06/2015 12:37

long thankyou. she did really hurt me. but she is also special to me and my children. and i did not want to just throw it away.

OP posts:
downgraded · 30/06/2015 12:40

Until the next time you fall out and are bitches to each other...

What's the point?

Original poster
ghostspirit · 30/06/2015 12:45

down we have fell out once in about 14/15 years

OP posts:
schlong · 30/06/2015 13:06

Don't fall out forever then on basis of (prob) hastily sent, clumsily worded text. Technology is killing our relationships. Next time make a phone call to break the good news! She'd never have reacted like that verbally.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 30/06/2015 13:20

long she would lol. its just normally i can take it with a pintch of salt but i think because it had been said when i was pregnant did not think she would say it again. and i dont normally feel hurt by what she says as she often says odd things. yesterday she told me. she offered someone a cup of tea the person said oh yes please if your making one. friend then said no im not making one actually :/

OP posts:
Hissy · 30/06/2015 14:15

She is VILE - why you texted her repeatedly is totally beyond me - she told you you should abort, not her business, then all that crap about your 'poor baby'

She is no friend, why on earth would you have anything to do with her? Honestly?

She stated her opinions absolutely crystal clear. You are mad to bother with her.

SuperFlyHigh · 01/07/2015 09:30

I agree schlong re verbal is better rather than text.

OP - I got told years ago by a friend (and it was true) that I 'run my mouth' eg gossip/bitch etc which i did, I still do in some ways. But now I'm just more measured in what I say.

Do you really have no one else to speak to IRL? I'm not being critical just it may help you more friends etc...besides MN people

Original poster
ghostspirit · 01/07/2015 11:01

yes i defo agree about text.

super no its just me and the kids

OP posts:
AyeAmarok · 01/07/2015 12:15

How did you get pregnant? Did you used to do a bit more out and about with people?

Is the baby's Dad still involved in his life?

Original poster
ghostspirit · 01/07/2015 12:29

how did i get pregnant? odd question. nope very rearly go out. i have a sister who i see once or twice during the summer holidays. she spends most of the time talking about my mother/brother..and thats not a good thing.

nope babys father does not want to know i tried several times

OP posts:
Candlefairy101 · 01/07/2015 12:33

I still think she meant 'it's. It fair on people' was about benefits... Because your single, you have no friends (so no work colleges) meaning benefits.

Being in benefits it's not a bad thing because some people generally need the help, but if you've had another child while original on benefits that is wrong, it's not up to the government to pay for your children. You shouldn't have anymore if you cannot afford the ones you've got

Original poster
ghostspirit · 01/07/2015 12:38

i work. and thats not what she meant.

OP posts:
Candlefairy101 · 01/07/2015 12:43

Bloody good on you then (I generally mean that Smile) how do you manage that with 5 children? I'm only asking because I work in veterinary and I struggle to get school hours x

Original poster
ghostspirit · 01/07/2015 13:00

well im on maternity leave at moment. just manage because i do. its boring me at home

OP posts:
Candlefairy101 · 01/07/2015 13:55

Most of my friends now are the school mums, I don't meet up with them outside school hours but I do look forward to a good chinwag at the gates twice a day, also the mums in my sons class have set up our own FB group so we can all talk about things on there. How old are your children? Do you do the school run every morning? Xx

Original poster
ghostspirit · 01/07/2015 14:10

they are 8 and 4. yeah i chat to them a little but they smoke so i have to keep away and then they go in get the kids and go/drop them off and go.

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 02/07/2015 09:59

OP would you be up to joining a meet up group where they even allow kids or single mums, I've searched and I can't find any but they do do ones by area, eg Blackheath, Bromley etc and they also do free stuff or stuff for under a tenner eg.

Gingerbread may be a good idea to meet other single parents.

Could you chat to a mum at gates and invite a child for playdate? exercise class where you can take baby etc?

Also maybe ask (I can see how it'd be hard though) your family re babysitting and then see above. Join something (free to join) that'd interest YOU! Not anyone else... your interests.

Good luck. Smile

Original poster
ghostspirit · 02/07/2015 10:41

super im going to take baby to a parent and baby swimming. but i cant do that till septemeber.

i also wanted to go swimming on my own. but i cant put baby is crech as i dont know if hes going to need feeding in 30 mins or 2 hours. and he does not get on with bottles. maybe that will change is a few months when hes on solids. no one i know will baby sit. bit difficult because of the above anyway. but in 18 years i think i have had a baby sitter about 5 times.

i was looking into parenting classes because i wanted some ideas. but then i forgot about it :/

i might look into ginger bread.

i got a feeling alot of things will close for the summer. will still look into it though.

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 02/07/2015 10:55

Ah good stuff OP!

That's fine it sounds as if you have ideas but of course it'll be harder if you have limited childcare. They used to... don't know if they do it now... put babies in playpens by the side of the pool when I was younger!

Have a look at the parenting classes if you feel like it.

Gingerbread yes why not?

My mum (only comparable person I know) was a single parent and her saving grace was she had another single mum friend and they babysat for each other.

My friends (single parents) also had problems getting childcare eg babysitters too so i know its a problem.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 02/07/2015 18:56

not allowed babys in playpens near pool. might be better when he starts solids.

yeah i thought the parenting classes might be a good idea because i guess there is some sort of structor to them. im not good at starting convos or keeping them going. if theres a kind of topic i might be better.

OP posts: