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Original poster

friend is confusing me??

104 replies

ghostspirit · 29/06/2015 12:51

about 11 weeks ago i send friend a text:

Me: have had baby. had him at home. J: poor little thing. me:why???

J: ridiculous of you having another child,not fair on others,one parent can not possibly cope properly with 4 let alone 5.

Me: oh shut up J if you have nothing nice to say. J: you know deep down that i am right. Me: please dont contact me again there is no need for your nastyness and i do not wish to have a friend like you. thanks.

J:Truth is not always sugar coated. your kids are smashing people although 4 was too many to bring up properly on your own. I really feel sorry for this new one. But i wish him every best wish for his future. Cant help being disappointed that you just carry on producing.Thats all. good luck.

Me: go away J. i can see why your kids dont like you. and i can see why you dont see your grandchild....now go away.

J: wait till yours are older you may not see them either.

following day: J: what you choose to do or not do, is not my business. should not have voiced my opinions so forcefully i suppose. Anyway happy days and good luck.

Me: no you should not you said what you had to say when i told you i was pregnant should have been left at that. Baby is here your comments were not going to make him go away. so there was no point to them.

Above convo was 23rd april

then 9th june i sent message: how are you. no reply. 14th i sent another: i guess you dont want to talk to us anymore. shame because we were friends for a long time. and you were like a nan to the kids as they dont have that. and L was asking about you the other day.never mind i guess people in life come and go.

J: im in mallorca till thurs. Thats all maybe expensive to text not sure. Me: ok have fun.

28/06....Me good you felt you could speak to O but not me...thanks

my confusion is she does not seem to want to talk to me. but then sends me a birthday card. she does not reply to me if i message her will talk to my daughter but not me. but sends me a birthday card. its really confusing me she either does want to talk to me or dont????

OP posts:
Original poster
ghostspirit · 29/06/2015 13:16

areyouthinking Thankyou for understanding. when i sent her the message saying i have had baby. i thought i would get congrats hope all is well type of reply but i got the above reply and i was very shocked by it. she was nasty when i told her i was pregant. but i did not let it get into an agument.

when she has had fall outs with family she has always said she will leave it for them to contact her when they are ready or she will contact them when things have settled a bit thats why i left it for a while and also i did not want to be hurt again.

we have been friends for 15/16 years and this is the only fall out we have had. and my kids also love her to bits

OP posts:
Therein2tics · 29/06/2015 13:17

I don't understand why you are contacting her again.
As pp said texts can be confusing.

I don't think she is trying to regain friendship with you or trying to talk to you. That she is taking the step back that you told her to.

Some people send cards to people they hardly see or speak to. Maybe she still feels there is enough history to keep sending Birthday cards/not trying to cut you off forever.

If she knew your children then why can't she talk to them? They are not you.

downgraded · 29/06/2015 13:18

Well then she needs to watch how she speaks to her friends and so do you.

If you treat your oldest friends like this, what are you like with your enemies?!

DoJo · 29/06/2015 13:21

I think it's completely understandable for you to tell her to go away after she said such hurtful things to you about the birth of your child, but she clearly agrees that your friendship has run its course if she is prepared to voice those thoughts and agree not to contact you any more. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be friends with her, but telling her that and then initiating contact with her is confusing at best and appears to be seeking out further conflict at worst.

Therein2tics · 29/06/2015 13:22

xpost. Sorry my last sentence sounds odd. Although the above texts were about your youngest child, she was being harsh to you, not them.

SaucyJack · 29/06/2015 13:22

Wowsers! Yes, just let this one go. Neither of you seem to like each other very much.

gamerchick · 29/06/2015 13:29

You need to let it go. She disproves of you to the point of letting you know... You've told her to do one so she has.

I don't think there's any going back, she's not going to change her mind and it'll only get worse if you have more babies.

This one is over... Move on.

DoggyFace · 29/06/2015 15:05

Those were disgusting things she said to you about your child. I think you should leave it and put this relationship behind you. Her remarks went way too far.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 29/06/2015 15:17

She voiced an unwanted opinion, you were quite right in saying there was no point saying these things when the baby had already arrived. However, you admit you threw her personal circumstances in her face as well, regarding family not speaking to her. We don't know either of your situations in real life - maybe she had serious concerens about you coping with another child, especially alone as you seem to be, and just phrased it very badly. Either way, I don't see why you want her in your life after the things you both said to each other. She's not the kids grandmother, don't emotionally blackmail her with that. Just drop it is my advice.

AuntyMag10 · 29/06/2015 15:33

You really do seem to have lots of issues with people.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 29/06/2015 15:57

Grown adults actually converse with each other this way? Seriously? It's as if toddlers could text.

"why won't my friend talk to me after I told her repeatedly to go away?"

Hmm, can't possibly imagine. Hmm

Original poster
ghostspirit · 29/06/2015 15:59

mrs i guess the grandmother comment could have came across as black mail. it was not meant to be though. i was just reflecting on what she had said herself in the past. i think because she did not see her grand child and my mum does not bother with my kids. my friend was playing the role of grand parent. so it was kind of filling a hole for both of us i guess.

OP posts:
MrsGentlyBenevolent · 29/06/2015 16:01

I'm sure it was 'filling a hole' at the time. It's not now, I'm just advising not to use the fact she was a grandmotherly role in terms of getting her to speak to you. It would be underhanded, and further reminding her that she is non-contact with her own family, for whatever reason.

downgraded · 29/06/2015 16:02

She was a bitch, so were you.

Move on.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 29/06/2015 16:04

i was hardly going to shake her hand for being so nasty. maybe i should not have said what i did in responce. but i had a baby a few days before. and i would not of replied in that way if i had a normal responce

OP posts:
downgraded · 29/06/2015 16:05

It doesn't matter why you said it. You had an argument, you were both at fault.

Do you want to be friends again with her? I'm totally confused as to what you want here.

WorraLiberty · 29/06/2015 16:09

I don't know what part is confusing you.

She told you how she felt when you were pregnant and now the baby's here, she's told you again.

She doesn't sound as though she particularly wants to remain close to you.

Time to move on. It sounds as though the friendship's over.

Sazzle41 · 29/06/2015 16:11

a) its sounds you like you both have massively different values re the no. of children comments - not really the best basis for a friendship and b) texting isnt the way to sort whats obviously quite a big issue if you are to remain friends. Arrange to meet on neutral ground and talk if you want it to continue. But it sounds like she would rather not tbh.

fastdaytears · 29/06/2015 16:14

I think you had a thread about this before? If not, weirdly similar. No real friend would speak to you like that. Your response wasn't very kind either. I think you said before that this lady is close to your kids and that's one thing that's putting you off ending the friendship but honestly I think it must be healthier all round. If one of the DC's friends were talking to them like this you'd probably tell them to walk away...

Pumpkinpositive · 29/06/2015 16:20

Why on earth do you want this woman in your life?

Does she give your kids mega big presents and babysit for free at the drop of a hat or something?

Do you secretly agree with her opinion about the number of kids you have?

Cos otherwise your attitude to this "friendship" is unfathomable. Confused

gamerchick · 29/06/2015 16:20

Look OP words were said on both sides and this relationship has ended... I'm unsure why you want to keep arguing your point unless you thrive on drama.

She isn't family with unconditional love for you and your kids no matter how you saw her.

She disapproves of you having unlimited babies when you're a single mum and has voiced it in a harsh way.. You in return threw her circumstances in her face and smashed the final nail in the coffin.

Let it go and get on with your life.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 29/06/2015 16:34

why should i not reply to the thread i started ?? :/

OP posts:
CrystalHaze · 29/06/2015 16:38

I'm not sure what you want from this thread: it's near unanimous that this is a sorry excuse for a friendship and that friends don't talk to each other the way you both have done.

So what is it you are waiting to hear? That you're both reasonable people and this is a friendship to treasure?

downgraded · 29/06/2015 16:38

OP people are talking about replying to the texts Hmm

ghostyslovesheep · 29/06/2015 16:41

your life is one heck of a drama OP - not a day goes by without you needing to post multiple posts about it all

you both need to grow up really - or contact Jeremy Kyle and have it out on stage