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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

When will he leave her

126 replies

GalwayGal123 · 07/06/2015 10:47

Their relationship was apparently over before I came back in to his life. I was with him briefly before he got with her and she fell pregnant. He stood by her, did the right thing but now their baby is 18m's and we have been back in contact. We've seen each other and fallen in love, he says he's sorting it out and leaving and that she is aware of this too.
How long do I realistically wait for him to do so? And do I see him in the meantime?

OP posts:

fairyfuckwings · 07/06/2015 10:50

Yes carry on seeing him. What could possibly go wrong?

Wideopenspace · 07/06/2015 10:51

He won't.

If he does leave his partner, he needs to leave her because of their relationship, not because of you.

Cut ties, tell him to look after his baby in all of this and get on with your life. If he contacts you down the line once he has separated then all well and good, but don't hang out for that.

gamerchick · 07/06/2015 10:52

No, you cut him off completely right now and tell him not to contact you a good 6 months after he's left and got his own place.

Anything other than that will make you a mug.

HootyMcTooty · 07/06/2015 10:54

Why would you want to be with a man who cheats on the mother of his 18mth old child?

I wouldn't be at all surprised if he's spinning you both a web of lies. Walk away, if he really loves you he'll finish his relationship and find you. You don't have to be the bad guy, be the better person.

TattieHowkerz · 07/06/2015 10:54

Well if he is sorting out/leaving/she is aware a week should be enough. Don't see him for a week. If he is not 100% single in a week time to consider that he just wants to use you for fucking, not a relationship. He sounds like a dick, but maybe you know different.

Magicalmrmistofeles · 07/06/2015 10:54

He won't.

LIZS · 07/06/2015 10:54

Tell him to not contact you again until he has left . Their child will always be a link to his exp, assuming she becomes an ex, but you need to make sure this is really over before you commit further and you are not just enabling him to have his cake and eat it. Why did you start seeing him knowing he was already in a relationship ?

Wideopenspace · 07/06/2015 10:58

Oh, and 'she fell pregnant' = they got back together and planned a baby, in all likelihood.

thedancingbear · 07/06/2015 10:59

Just be patient OP. Nothing wrong with pulling families apart.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 07/06/2015 11:00

He is not free to be with you, he has I presume a wife (this I presume is what you mean by him doing the right thing) and there is also a child as well. Why do you want to see him at all knowing all that?.

You love him, ahhh that old chestnut. Is this really what you envisioned for yourself in terms of a relationship, being his OW?.

He has said all the usual things such cheats utter and you are being played. Can you actually believe a word that comes out of his mouth now?. He is still with her and may well never leave, you are being used and sadly you are allowing this to happen to you.

Being with him at all stops you from meeting someone who is actually unattached. This individual is nothing but trouble and is just dragging you down with him.

I would chuck this lowlife back into the sewer where he belongs; this man deserves neither of you.

FenellaFellorick · 07/06/2015 11:03

Well, he's a Prince isn't he? I can see why you are so keen to have him.

If you believe that she knows and it's all ok and they are seperating, go round to their house and knock on the door...

The most dignified thing to do at this point would be to say to him come look me up when you are a free man.
Not have some grubby little shagfest and tell yourself you're star crossed lovers.

Lndnmummy · 07/06/2015 11:04

He wont, hopefully.

Penfold007 · 07/06/2015 11:07

Ah so your the OW to a man in a relationship and has a young child. Draws up deckchair and offers and to others watching this thread.

Penfold007 · 07/06/2015 11:07

Cake and Coffee I meant to say !

Skiptonlass · 07/06/2015 11:23

Walk away. Do you really want a partner who 'ended' a relationship then magically got her pregnant? So basically he hadn't ended it and was still having unprotected sex with his previous partner.

He sounds like a real catch....

Keep your dignity, nip this in the bud and find yourself a real man.

Original poster

GalwayGal123 · 07/06/2015 11:28

I know you're all right, I shouldn't be involving myself in this. But I already have and my heart is hurting at the thought of not being with him.

OP posts:

TattieHowkerz · 07/06/2015 11:31

Sometimes in life we have to do the right thing, even though it is hard. You, his partner and his child all deserve better.

If you stay, the pain will get worse, not better.

lunar1 · 07/06/2015 11:34

He has a partner and child and is using you for a bit of fun. Walk away.

Vivacia · 07/06/2015 11:34

But I already have and my heart is hurting at the thought of not being with him. But I already have and my heart is hurting at the thought of not being with him.

How do you think his partner would feel?

bakingaddict · 07/06/2015 11:35

Men like this don't change...it could be you in a few years time with a young baby and him leaving you for somebody else.

FenellaFellorick · 07/06/2015 11:36

That's very self indulgent of you.

He is with someone else.

If he wants to be your partner, he will end his relationship.

If you give him the option of fucking you on the side and you really think he'll leave her, you're deluding yourself.

A good man would not do what this man is doing to his poor partner. He is shitting all over her. And your 'heart aches' for such kind of man?

It's very flowery language and it hides well the reality of what you are doing and maybe that makes it easier to look at yourself in the mirror. But drop the mills and boon and cut right to it - you want to screw around with a man in a relationship and who has a young child. You want him to walk out on that relationship and you want to sneak around with him from now until/if he does.

Is that who you want to be?

Put on your sensible, dignified hat and tell him to find you when he's free to be with you.

minandensommerhus · 07/06/2015 11:39

He's a shit head. Lying and cheating on her, and lying to you and stringing you along.

be grateful you aren't the sucker who had a child with him. If you care about how your life turns out and don't want to waste any more time on a lying arsehole, leave him.

He's painted himself as a man who wants to do the right thing, and you have bought in to that. He's not doing the right thing. He's doing what he wants. he has his family and he has a bit of variety too.

You'll get a hard time on this thread, you'll be painted as wicked. But I feel bad for you because you formed a relationship with a guy who tricked you slight of hand, telling you he was a good guy. It's not a rabbit he's pulled out of his hat though, it's a big cake.

iklboo · 07/06/2015 11:42

Pass the chestnuts.

Our relationship is over
She knows it's over
We never have sex anymore
Oh, well there was once when I was drunk & she got pregnant
It's you I love
I'll leave her....soon

Yawn, yawn, yawn. Cheating arsehole bingo.

GymBum · 07/06/2015 11:46

He won't leave her or his baby. His telling you what you need to hear so you stay and he can carry on getting his leg over.

Why would you get involved with someone in a relationship with an 18 month old? . You will end up waiting and waiting and wasting all that time hanging onto someone who really has no intention of leaving his child and partner. Even if he did leave he would end up cheating on you too eventually. I bet your not the first person his cheated on her with.

The only people I feel sorry for are his partner and their 18 month old child. Frankly you are the cause of your own heart break so sorry but I have little sympathy for you.

Evilpixie · 07/06/2015 11:51

Ahh poor you Galway you are totally the victim in this not the instigator at all. No that was his wife and child obviously.
Get a grip and find a fella that single instead of tearing a family apart

Women like you disgust me

HTH

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