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Original poster

When will he leave her

126 replies

GalwayGal123 · 07/06/2015 10:47

Their relationship was apparently over before I came back in to his life. I was with him briefly before he got with her and she fell pregnant. He stood by her, did the right thing but now their baby is 18m's and we have been back in contact. We've seen each other and fallen in love, he says he's sorting it out and leaving and that she is aware of this too.
How long do I realistically wait for him to do so? And do I see him in the meantime?

OP posts:
OhDearMuriel · 07/06/2015 15:31

No my dear, you are very complicit in this.

You are involved with a married man who has a wife and an 18 month old toddler.

And, yes you will most definitely be very responsible for the baby not having a father in the true sense of the word, because if you have your way, this toddler is going to be brought up by a single-parent mother.

You need to take an HONEST long hard look at yourself.

Original poster
GalwayGal123 · 07/06/2015 15:34

Just to clarify, he is not a married man. I know it still doesn't make it right, but he is no ones husband.

OP posts:
iklboo · 07/06/2015 15:35

He's still in a relationship with & has a child with another woman. It doesn't mean he's free or fair game.

Wideopenspace · 07/06/2015 15:38

ohdear - men can absolutely be fathers 'in the truest sense of the word' without cohabiting with the mother.

I don't live with my toddler's father and he is an ace daddy (as a couple we were a disaster in many ways, but that is separate to his parenting)

I know that isn't the point of this thread, but still..

PurpleDaisies · 07/06/2015 15:41

If he cheated on her he will cheat on you. How can you trust him? Presumably he is living with and lying to his girlfriend on a daily basis. Do you believe what he says about their relationship being effectively over? Don't you think he's telling you what you want to hear, This guy is not the sort of man any self respecting woman should be with.

For your own sake, get out of this relationship now before you get even more involved and more hurt when it all goes wrong.

ThankGoditsSummer · 07/06/2015 15:41

OP, whatever happens please do take time to read all the stepchildren/step mother threads. Don't come back on here complaining, once you've made your bed, expect to lie in it.

AuntieStella · 07/06/2015 15:42

Let me guess. It's Sunday. He's happily at home with his de-facto wife and baby and you haven't seen him for a few days.

So talking about him is the next best thing to talking to him.

How much of your life are you going to wait around for an unavailable man? Is this really all you are worth?

OhDearMuriel · 07/06/2015 15:43

Wide
No it really is not ideal from what I've seen of it, but glad it works for you!

bluejam · 07/06/2015 15:45

Doesn't matter if they're married or not, what does that have to do with it. Stop making excuses for your poor judgement and behaviour. 'But I love him' doesn't cut it either. Stop playing the victim.

Fairenuff · 07/06/2015 15:46

When will he leave her?

Perhaps a better question to ask yourself would be 'When will you stop sleeping with a man who is already in a relationship?'

GymBum · 07/06/2015 15:50

Just because they aren't married doesn't make the affair any less sordid, wrong and/or somehow justifiable.

There is a thread on here where the Op has just discovered her husband / partner is having a sleazy affair. Galway maybe you she read it and get some prospective on the pain you will be complicit in should MMs partner find out.

I really think you should leave, take some time out to recover and heal. Then you can find someone that is free and single who can be true to you and you alone.

winkywinkola · 07/06/2015 15:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DirectorOfBetter · 07/06/2015 15:51

Give him 2 weeks as a PP suggested. Then you'll know 1 way or another. You'll need to be extremely brave though to take it on the chin if he hasn't left in 2 weeks. My guess is that you'll fall for his ifs and buts and maybes and pleas for more time. It's a very well trodden path for OWs. Tbh I hope he does leave her for you. I bet my back teeth she really doesn't deserve a cheating shit like him and you do.Smile

DoorToTheRiver · 07/06/2015 16:16

To answer your actual questions. If a man wants to leave he can do it very quickly. It takes as long as his speed at packing his bags assuming he's moving in with you and his partner does actually know. A little longer if he's not moving in with you and has to find somewhere to live.

Should you see him in the meantime? No.

But if he's a decent a man as you think he is he would have played this differently. If all you say is genuinely how it is rather than him spinning you a yarn then he would have ended the relationship with her first before starting a relationship with you again.

He is a cheat and you should be careful what you wish for. You got out of an abusive relationship before don't get into another one. A man who cheats is just as abusive but in a different way.

MadameJosephine · 07/06/2015 16:56

Soon, hopefully. He's an arsehole and she is better off without him. So are you by the way, you just don't know it yet

Wrapdress · 07/06/2015 16:58

His feelings of guilt over leaving the mother of his baby will keep him with her longer than he may want. Until he overcomes that guilt, he will be happy to keep both of you around. He will take you and her as far as you two let him. So, it's not up to him. It's up to you. It's up to her. He has no reason to make a decision between the two of you if both of you are clinging to him.

alwaysabattle · 07/06/2015 17:01

I would say there's nothing wrong with his relationship. Women like you op make me sick you're about to destroy a women and a child's life. And as for the child not been left fatherless do u think when it's older and knows the truth it will want anything to do with the women who split its family up

AnyFucker · 07/06/2015 17:03

when will he leave her ?

how long is a piece of string ?

perhaps you should ask his partner that question, see how the pieces fall

m0therofdragons · 07/06/2015 17:06

Who cares if they're married. Why would you want him to choose you over his dc? What man worth being with would do that?

Wideopenspace · 07/06/2015 17:08

always - why is it the OP's responsibility to keep that family unit together? If the family split up, it will be down to the decisions made by the man involved.

The child will still have a father, even if they split - and the 'when it's older and knows the truth' comment - really? Is that way of handing things really in the best interests of the child?

GymBum · 07/06/2015 17:12

She is not responsible for keeping the unit together but she would be 50% if the reason the family split. She can't abdicate that responsibility.

Wideopenspace · 07/06/2015 17:16

I disagree Gym - the person involved in the relationship is 100% responsible for being faithful.

The 'other' person has, I guess, a more general moral responsibility and needs to questions whether it is the 'right' thing to do.

But the family split? Squarely and entirely in the lap of the (in this case) man.

Just my opinion.

GymBum · 07/06/2015 17:19

We will agree to disagree. IMO if you fuck someone else's husband/partner then you wilful know that you are contributing 50% to a possible split.

Personally I hope MM partner finds out and dumps his sleazy arse.

ShebaShimmyShake · 07/06/2015 17:21

Remember that when a man marries his mistress, he creates a vacancy. He has done it to her and he will do it to you. Walk away.

Wideopenspace · 07/06/2015 17:21

Indeed gym - I am not, by the way, in any way condoning any of this.

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