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Original poster

engagement ring

106 replies

chesram · 16/12/2014 22:45

Hi I have recently had a mutual split with my fiancé. We got engaged 10 months ago. She said that if our engagement didn't work out that she would keep the ring and give me the money I paid for it. The ring was £1600-of which I paid £1000, she paid the rest.
When I asked for reimbursement she refused, I reminded her of what she agreed and she said " that was before I put £600 towards it".
She has kept the ring. Is that fair?

OP posts:
ArchangelGallic · 16/12/2014 22:47

Yes, it's a gift.

I'm sorry you're relationship didn't work out but in law, this is a gift not a contract and you can't force her to return it.

You might not feel it's very fair but I'm afraid you'll have to live with it.

SanityClause · 16/12/2014 22:53

An engagement ring is a gift.

Apparently there's case law, and everything.

quietlysuggests · 16/12/2014 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
chesram · 16/12/2014 22:53

Im just wondering if most people would think this is fair. Im not interested in the ring or money, but if she is trustworthy after this.

OP posts:
Windywenceslas · 16/12/2014 22:54

You're never getting that ring back. Though I'm not sure why she'd want to keep it, maybe she wants to pawn it. Sorry.

SanityClause · 16/12/2014 22:56

What does it matter to you if she's "trustworthy"? You've split up. Put it down to experience.

magpieginglebells · 16/12/2014 22:59

Yes it's fair. It was a gift.

SanityClause · 16/12/2014 23:00

Incidentally, most people don't make an agreement about what they'll do with the ring, if they split up. They assume they won't split up.

Was the engagement perhaps an attempt to fix a relationship that was already seeming a bit shakey?

whattodoowiththeleftoverturkey · 16/12/2014 23:00

I don't know why you care whether or not she's 'trustworthy'? Is there other property you are negotiating over?

AskMeAnother · 16/12/2014 23:02

Kept mine, though he tried to claim it back. Later had it made into (tiny) ear-rings and pendant for dd.

Original poster
chesram · 16/12/2014 23:05

So I guess the answer is " all is fair in love and war" so its fine to go back on your word ? If its within a relationship?

OP posts:
CogitOIOIO · 16/12/2014 23:07

To quote Zsa Zsa Gabor ' I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back'. Sorry old thing, a ring is a gift whatever might have been said at the time.

WoodenGo · 16/12/2014 23:10

But it's not within a relationship, you're out of it which is the whole point.

You do know it is a very odd thing to discuss what to do with an engagement ring at the time of actually purchasing it, yeah?

CogitOIOIO · 16/12/2014 23:13

It may be morally wrong to go back on a verbal ageement, but it's not illegal. You're out of pocket and it's a harsh lesson but if you'd been serious about it as an actual contract and thought there was a possibility of things not working out, you should have got something documented. Then you could pursue her in court.

CheeseBuster · 16/12/2014 23:14

She is being unreasonable. If you don't get married, you give the ring back. Equally you are being unreasonable in that you shouldn't ask for the ring back.

MsVanRein · 16/12/2014 23:14

Yes it's fair, its a gift and hers to do what she wants with regardless of what was said at the time. If you were on such shaky ground as to discuss what would happen to the ring if you split you probably shouldn't have gotten engaged.

qazxc · 16/12/2014 23:16

whilst it is the custom to hand back ring after an engagement has broken up, legally it is a gift and is therefore her property.
Unless you have in writing a contract that stipulates she is to pay you the £1000, there is nothing you can do.
Draw a line under it and move on.

oswellkettleblack · 16/12/2014 23:17

You have split up. Let go and move on. Life is not fair.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 16/12/2014 23:18

I think an engagement ring is a gift. But if memory serves, Judge Judy rules they should be returned - they are part of 'contract' only to be kept if the marriage takes place.

But your ex paid toward it. JJ would probably make her give the ring back but you'd have to pay your ex £600 Grin

AuntieStella · 16/12/2014 23:19

I think that gifts that are given in anticipation of a marriage that does not take place should be returned.

You cannot compel it legally though (as in court if would be your word against hers). Nor can you expect everyone else to share the same views on what gets returned when an engagement is broken off. For example, have you returned any engagement gifts from her?

SanityClause · 16/12/2014 23:21

It is not necessarily custom to hand the ring back. If the woman decides to break up, then yes, but if the man does, it would be more usual for her to keep it. Traditionally, the ring would be a kind of compensation for the woman if the man changed his mind.

Strictly speaking an engagement ring is a gift, and as such belongs to the recipient.

Original poster
chesram · 16/12/2014 23:22

So out of 17 posts, only one person thinks this is morally wrong.

OP posts:
SanityClause · 16/12/2014 23:23

In fact, if a woman broke off an engagement, the

oswellkettleblack · 16/12/2014 23:25

Why do you care? Let it go. Who cares what a bunch of internet sprites think? You have split. She won't give the ring back. She does not have to.

SanityClause · 16/12/2014 23:26

Sorry, I didn't mean to post.

Morally wrong is sort of beside the point.

You believed you had agreed to one thing, she thought that her putting in part of the money had overridden the original agreement.

You have split up with this person. Detach, and walk away. Mulling over this issue will not help you move on, and it won't get you your money back. Walk away.