engagement ring

[chesram]

Hi I have recently had a mutual split with my fiancé. We got engaged 10 months ago. She said that if our engagement didn't work out that she would keep the ring and give me the money I paid for it. The ring was £1600-of which I paid £1000, she paid the rest.
When I asked for reimbursement she refused, I reminded her of what she agreed and she said " that was before I put £600 towards it".
She has kept the ring. Is that fair?

[themechanicalchicken]

Re the issue of fairness...

Youve actually paid an 'extra' 1000 haven't you.... Its a concrete amount.

What were the other circumstances around your relationship? Was it always 50:50 wrt finance? I wonder if your ex feels she has already 'earnt' this by other monies /services she provided during your time together.?

[EhricJinglingHisBallsOnHigh]

I think your whole arrangement was weird.
Who discusses what they would do re an engagement ring if they break up? Weird.
Why would she want to pay full value for an engagement ring if she is no longer engaged? Weird.
Once you have bought a new ring it loses value so it's no longer worth £1600. I reckon the £600 she has paid is around the resale value so I don't think she is wrong actually. If she gave you £1000 she would be out of pocket because the ring is no longer new and it is no longer needed for its original purpose.

The lesson is, don't spend £££ on rings for women you aren't sure about. Or don't spend more than you can afford on gifts. Either one.

[NewEraNewMindset]

American law must be different because when I watch Judge Judy ( I love me a bit of JJ). She always says an engagement ring is a gift in contemplation of marriage and if the marriage doesn't happen, ie the contract is not fulfilled, then the engagement ring is to be given back to the man by law.

[DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn]

Doesnt, if he's not asked for and doesn't want either the ring or the money, how does he know she won't give it? And why is he here complaining about it if he honestly wants neither?

Curiosity I imagine. Given I am not the OP I can not see inside his mind and can only go on what he wrote. He said that she said she would give it back in the even of a break up and he doesn't really want it back.

I cant imagine saying yes to marriage if the proposal was 'will you marry me? Oh and pay towards your ring? Oh and finally, pay me £1k if we dont get married?'

Well, what a good job that wasn't how the proposal apparently went then.

I do wonder why the tradition of buying the woman an expensive ring hasn't died out. It's the 21st century and I thought most women didn't want to be marked as a man's property. Very few women buy the man an engagement item.

[CalleighDoodle]

You wouldn't get anywhere near the price you paid for it. So once she took out her £600 i can imagine you being left with much anyway.

She sounds like she's had a lucky escape! I cant imagine saying yes to marriage if the proposal was 'will you marry me? Oh and pay towards your ring? Oh and finally, pay me £1k if we dont get married?'

Maybe wait a few years before proposing again...

[Betrayedbutsurvived]

This sounds very familiar, have you posted this before OP?

[CupidStuntSurvivor]

Doesnt, if he's not asked for and doesn't want either the ring or the money, how does he know she won't give it? And why is he here complaining about it if he honestly wants neither?

[fluffapuss]

You said you had split

So walk away with dignity

Put it down to one of lifes many experiences

If a woman loved you, she would say yes with a coke can ring...

[DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn]

What kind of person proposes to another and in the same conversation says "by the way, if we break up you need to give me £1k to make sure this decision doesn't cost me anything"?

Have you read the thread? The OP's ex Fiancée said she would give the ring back if the engagement didn't work out and the OP isn't actually interested in either the money or the ring. So, (apparently) nothing like the picture you paint at all.

[FriendlyLadybird]

I think it's wrong of her not to return the ring or pay you back your share in it. But what I think is neither here nor there. She's not going to return it and you can't make her.

[Tyzer85]

It's her ring, she can do what she likes.

Glad to see that I'm not the only one who thinks discussing what to do with it in the event of a split was odd.

[CupidStuntSurvivor]

He'd be laughed out.

What kind of person proposes to another and in the same conversation says "by the way, if we break up you need to give me £1k to make sure this decision doesn't cost me anything"?

[Viviennemary]

She should honour the agreement she made. Take her to the small claims court.

[CupidStuntSurvivor]

If 'fairness' is what OP wants and his ex is able to sell the ring at 20% of its original price, she would reimburse him 2/16 of the new sale price, meaning they've both paid 8/16. Both of their investments lost 80% value as soon as the ring left the shop. So, she'd give him £30, which is 2/16 of the new value.

[CupidStuntSurvivor]

How is she not being fair? OP doesn't want the ring back. He wants her to reimburse him the 1k that his proposal cost him, despite the fact that the ring isn't worth even a quarter of that.

The law says that if it's stated at the proposal that should the engagement end, the ring is returned to the proposer, then that can be upheld with proof/agreement. It does NOT say that the proposer can stipulate that s/he is reimbursed the full cost for a ring that's likely to have lost 80%+ of its value the moment it left the shop.

I believe that should the person in receipt of the ring break off the engagement at no fault of the proposer, it's good form to give it back. But from what the OP says, it was a mutually agreed breakup and he's now after a large sum of cash from his ex to reimburse him for a loving gesture he made during the relationship.

Grabby doesn't cover it.

[ShortandSweeter]

She's not being fair. You're well rid.

[QueenofallIsee]

You are quite accusing in your tone OP, as though we are all morally repugnant for not agreeing with you? An engagement ring is a gift and in this case, a gift that she owns 40% of. I don't believe that her declining to return it is reflective of deceit, I think she thinks 'well I paid a fair whack towards it so why should I return all of it' - I may take the same view.

[fattymammy]

Sorry that you have split up but surely if you discuss what happens if you split then at this point your meant to be head over heels not planning who gets the ring maybe this should have been a sign .

[frankbough]

I gave my exes ring to my step daughter.. Who cares what it says in law, ask, if she says no way jose, then there's your answer.. You could always pull it off, or chop her finger off..

[muddylettuce]

I kept mine. I also did try and sell it afterwards. I was offered a pittance so even if you tried to sell it you probably wouldn't get what you paid sorry.

[Festivelybereft]

People still say why give the postie a tip at xmas I always think how much worse it could have been if my postie hadn't tipped me off that my mail had been redirected.

[wickedlazy]

I always thought if the engagement ends before the wedding you give it back, you get divorced and it's fair game and you keep it?

[Louboutin37]

thanks radiobedhead! There's rumours in the offing but we want to enjoy the honeymoon period for a bit longer first having both been married before.

Festivelybereft - you sound well and truly rid of that one!

[dirtybadger]

Well done festively.

[Festivelybereft]

I gave my ring back to my ex.

Then I found out that not only was it much much cheaper than he had hinted (went on and on about how skint he was because he had spent 3 months pay on it, first time he had ever saved etc) but also that I had paud for it myself on a credit card he had fraudulently taken out in my bloody name because he had a bad online gambling problem.

I learned a couple of lessons there.
Including, a deep man voice can get through your bank security if they know enough detail.
It is possible to sit on the loo complaining that you may have colitis when infact you are playing slots.
And if you get really cross and storm into a call center to confront your thieving conniving ex and demand your ring back security throw you out.
Admittedly security threw me out slowly and sympatheticly.
And I did get the ring back.