engagement ring

[chesram]

Hi I have recently had a mutual split with my fiancé. We got engaged 10 months ago. She said that if our engagement didn't work out that she would keep the ring and give me the money I paid for it. The ring was £1600-of which I paid £1000, she paid the rest.
When I asked for reimbursement she refused, I reminded her of what she agreed and she said " that was before I put £600 towards it".
She has kept the ring. Is that fair?

[Bogeyface]

I was referring to him being called stingy and unromantic because she paid towards the ring. If a woman came on and said "Fiancee has a £1000 budget but I want a £1600 ring, AIBU to think he should find the extra cash?" she would be called money grabbing at the very least! She would certainly be told that either she accepts what he is offering or pay the extra herself.

[BOFster]

Do you expect money back for holidays you took together, gifts you gave her, restaurant bills you paid? I presume not.

I am another person perplexed by your apparent "pre-nup"-style conversation about the possible future fate of the ring. I would normally say that the financial loss of the ring should be seen as trivial when compared to the loss of your hopes for the future, but from what you've described, they weren't all that solid anyway. Put it down to experience and move on.

[SwearySwearyQuiteContrary]

It's an absolute gift in law, you have no right to ask for it back. Morally, I don't know - I gave my ring back to my ex-fiance when I broke off our engagement as it felt like the right thing to do. He sold it at cash convertors and went on a bender. Pretty typical of him and in no small way indicative of why I ended the relationship.
Anyway, if it matters to you so much, perhaps you should offer to return her 650GBP if she returns the ring. Personally, I'd let it go.

[LikeABadSethRogenMovie]

I would let it go and take it as a lesson that if you're questioning what would happen to the engagement ring in the case of splitting up before the big day, you should probably hold off on popping the question in the first place.

Better luck next time!

[WoodenGo]

If I was a cynical old crone I might think that at least one of the couple knows full well that the ring is not worth anywhere near the original cost. So op could get 1k for a ring worth much less, exf could refuse to pay 1k for same reason.
She should sell the thing and split the cost 60/40 (roughly what each has paid) and be done with it. And not spend too much time in future wondering which one has dodged a bullet.

[WoodenGo]

and of course that should read split the proceeds, not the cost.

[Bakeoffcakes]

When I split from my fiancé I gave the ring back. I insisted he took it, I though it was the right thing for me to do as it was me who finished the relationship.

It's bloody mean not to IMO.

[TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle]

I think we're missing the point here. this wasn't a gift in the sense of a normal engagement ring, and therefore I doubt it's covered under the same legal precedent.

this was an item purchased together with a verbal contract of what to do if the partnership dissolved. much like if a large TV had been bought together.

I believe verbal contracts have been enforced in law (though I stand to be corrected).

I think the ring should be sold and the OP given 3/5ths of the value.

[SparkleZilla]

Afaik. . Whoever breaks it off, returns the ring. Don't know what happens if it's mutual

It didn't sound like a keeper though if you were discussing what to do if it didn't work out

[CogitOIOIO]

Found this answer to 'who keeps the ring?' on a law site.

The Law Reform (Miscellaneous Provisions) Act 1970 provides the answer and it is actually relatively straight forward. This legislation states that:

The gift of an engagement ring shall be presumed to be an absolute gift; this presumption may be rebutted by proving that the ring was given on the condition, express or implied, that it should be returned if the marriage did not take place for any reason.

The crucial word being 'proving'. In this case the ring seems to have been conditionally, but if one party disputes that and there is no supporting evidence, the costs of litigation would eat up the relatively low cost of the item.

[CogitOIOIO]

'given conditonally'

[SirRaymondClench]

My ex fiancé broke it off 4 weeks before the wedding.

I gave him the ring back.

I didn't want it and to me it was the right thing to do.

[bumpthedoor]

The ring will be worth very little if sold now, so if you paid her £600 and she gave you the ring back, she will be quids in.

What would you do with it if you got it? My advice is move on, you have strange priorities.

[ApocalypseThen]

If she paid that amount towards a ring, why do you think it belongs to you in a moral sense?

[CaptainVasiliBorodin]

Radiobedhead speaking sense here.

This is a very grabby thread.....no surprises though.

[CogitOIOIO]

The moral aspect is that, according to the OP, there was a discussion that if the engagement ended she would keep the ring and pay him back what he'd forked out. So a promise was made but not kept.... In isolation that's immoral. The ending of the engagement was described as 'mutually agreed' suggesting no animosity. However, it could be that there was more resentment than he has been led to believe.

[Only1scoop]

I think the clauses you discussed before it was bought didn't hold much hope for this one working.

I'd just cut your losses and learn from it.

[bobbywash]

Yes you are entitled to the money, it's an agreement all be it verbal (and therefore a contract). The ring was never a gift if there was an agreement that you would be repaid if you split up.

Mind you, would you really want to try and go to court over 1k as that is where it will end up if she refuses and you insist. Move on there are better and more honest people about.

[BringMeTea]

kaykay it was my friend's brother, no relation to me. I have never met him. My friend did express a little concern at her demands but it is, apparently, not uncommon in their cultural and social sphere. And, of course, he thought they were in it for the long haul. Anyway, the happy news is he is getting wed soon. It will be his second marriage (having had a very unhappy and shortlived first marriage). I have no information on how much the engagement ring cost but I might ask!

[TonyThePony]

I think it could still have a sentimental value (I have never ended engagement so probably way off the mark).... It could be nice to keep it as a memory. Although, your relationship is now over, it doesn't automatically wipe out the fact that you did love each other.

Disclaimer: I'm a bit emotional today so maybe I'm living in dreamland

Sorry about your engagement OP.

[Louboutin37]

My £3500 platinum .55 carat diamond engagement ring was asked to be sold and split as part of my divorce, the ex insisted that it was a marital asset (which everyone agreed at the time was in very poor taste considering that he cheated on me). When it was sold it was sold for the princely sum of £650 to a member of the family who was a jeweller. I'm pretty sure he was right with the valuation for a second hand ring.

based on that valuation I'd estimate that "your" engagement ring is worth about 20% of the original value on the 2nd hand market, meaning that the total second hand value is roughly £320.

On the basis of your original contributions she put in 37.5% and you put in 62.5%. Meaning that your compensation would be in the region of £200.

If she made the statement and/or you two had that discussion before putting the ring on her finger I think you should both agree that the likelihood of you two ever going the distance was slim. You should both thank your lucky stars you have the chance to go and find real happiness. Ring or no ring.

[Twinklestein]

If an ex fiancé had the bad taste to ask for reimbursement I would probably just give it to him & feel well shot of him.

Maybe the full grand, maybe the equivalent % of the resale price depending how much moral highground I wanted.

[radiobedhead]

You paid £3,500 for a half carat Louboutin?! You was mugged!

[Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire]

I always think that if the man breaks it off, the woman gets to keep the ring as a sort of "compensation" (unless it's a family heirloom); but if she breaks it off then she should return the ring as she has chosen to end the engagement.
But that only really applies if the man has bought and paid for the ring himself.

If it's a split cost, then I think you kind of have to suck it up. Especially as it seems to also be a split decision re. the break up. I'd say that at most she could consider giving you £200, to even up the costs to 50:50 - but in reality that would be the best you could expect. Is it worth pursuing for that?