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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

husband's friend drink drove on saturday

125 replies

bloodystupidfriend · 02/11/2014 17:21

Name changed for this. I'm not a frequent poster but I am a regular reader.

Had a party for Halloween. DH' s friend came with his young daughter (6) and brought his car. He drunk over the course of the night an shot of absinthe (60% proof), a shot of sours and cans of lager. Enough to be over the drink drive limit anyway.

I needed to be up early so checked that everyone had booked taxis then went to bed. At around 1 I could hear a child crying and shouting at the door, I got up to see what was going on only to find that husband's friend had driven off with his daughter in the car.

Full disclosure here: my husband was convicted of drink driving when he was a teenager. He knows he did a stupid thing and tried desperately to stop his friend driving off. Friend would not listen and daughter was beginning to get distressed (this was the crying I could hear). I wish I'd been up as I would have stopped that stupid fuckwit from driving the car. To drive a car drunk is madness but to drive with your daughter inside - why?

OP posts:
PoundingTheStreets · 02/11/2014 17:23

Why have you posted? (genuine question) Are you looking for advice on how to handle the 'friend' from now on, or whether you should report this to someone?

TwinkleDust · 02/11/2014 17:24

What did you do?

basgetti · 02/11/2014 17:25

Why didn't you call the police when you realised he'd driven off?

Original poster
bloodystupidfriend · 02/11/2014 17:26

Sorry, yes. I'm wondering what to do as I don't want him to do this ever again. Anything I do will wreck their friendship, but to be honest we're both so angry that I think the friendship is over.

OP posts:
PoundingTheStreets · 02/11/2014 17:30

There are unlikely to be any consequences legally. The police can't really do anything now - unless he does it again and they catch him (probably more likely than you'd like to believe).

What I would do in your situation is contact the child's mother and tell her, unless you believe she will turn a blind eye, in which case I would consider contacting social services instead.

Original poster
bloodystupidfriend · 02/11/2014 17:31

The drive home is fairly short (no excuse to drive it) so he would have been home by the time I rang the police. Also we were just so shocked that he'd done it.

OP posts:
Shlurpbop · 02/11/2014 17:31

No real advice here I'm afraid but couldn't read and run.
An acquaintance of my DH used to drink and drive on occasion. It was something that was known by many but no one ever did anything about it. I wish to god we had reported him or something. He went on to kill a young child while drink driving. To know that we could maybe have prevented that by reporting him is something i will always regret.
I have no real advice what to do, but i would urge you to do something :(

CogitoErgoSometimes · 02/11/2014 17:32

You did all you can reasonably do. Offered taxis, tried to stop him and there it ends. He took a risk, no one died, he's an idiot but a lot of people are. Don't invite him back if you have another party perhaps?

TheCowThatLaughs · 02/11/2014 17:36

Was he actually over the limit if he had 3 drinks over the course of the night? Obviously it would be ideal if he hadn't drank any alcohol at all before driving, but still...

TallulahTwinkletoes · 02/11/2014 17:38

I'm asking the same as cow...

You say cans as if he had more than one? How many?

The body filters one unit per hour so he may not have actually been...

TheCowThatLaughs · 02/11/2014 17:42

Sorry I read cans as can, but as tallulah says he may still not have been actually over the limit as his body may have processed much of the alcohol.

Original poster
bloodystupidfriend · 02/11/2014 17:42

He drunk only two shots but definitely a fair few cans of lager. I would say he'd be over the drink drive limit. 100%. Although he said he was fine to drive, I guess that's what they all say.

OP posts:
thedancingbear · 02/11/2014 17:42

He drunk over the course of the night an shot of absinthe (60% proof), a shot of sours and cans of lager. Enough to be over the drink drive limit anyway.

I might get shot down in flames for saying this but if he started drinking at say 7 and he's quite a big bloke then he might conceivably not be over the limit six hours down the line. I'm not saying this makes it alright - I would never drive having drunk this sort of amount - but in terms of the crime of drink driving this sounds like it might be a grey area.

RandomMess · 02/11/2014 17:43

Yes but a shot of something 60% proof is erm quite a few units!

Itsfab · 02/11/2014 17:46

I am also puzzled why you posted.

There were numerous things you and your husband should have done. You did nothing.

Best thing now is to report him and maybe the police have some kind of warning system so they can look out for this twat.

Original poster
bloodystupidfriend · 02/11/2014 17:48

Ok sorry to drip feed, and I don't know how to answer people individually, but he is not tall (smaller than me in height and build).

OP posts:
scarlettsmummy2 · 02/11/2014 17:59

He is obviously an absolute idiot. I would report him to social services to be honest as a firm word from a social worker might give him the freight he needs.

scarlettsmummy2 · 02/11/2014 18:00

Fright he needs! Could he maybe have a drink problem?

mynewpassion · 02/11/2014 18:02

I think it has come from your DH. He needs to say to his friend that he is concerned that the friend put his daughter and the lives of innocent people in danger when he's driving while drunk. Especially as the friendship might be over anyways, he needs to say to say something. He has nothing to lose.

Fingeronthebutton · 02/11/2014 18:07

Call the Police and give his plate No. Tell them he is a serial drink driver( because he obviously is) after being pulled up a few times and breatherlised ( hopefully sober) he might get the message.

TallulahTwinkletoes · 02/11/2014 20:30

25ml shot of Absinthe contains 1.88 units of alcohol, pint of lager contains 2.56 units. Absinthe is 75% alcohol, pint of lager is 4.5%.

Read more www.kgbanswers.co.uk/how-many-alcohol-units-are-there-in-a-single-shot-of-absinthe/1945991#ixzz3Hwf9iUNw

simontowers2 · 02/11/2014 21:31

Serious question OP. Would you be so worked up about this if you knew he regularly broke the speed limit?

Original poster
bloodystupidfriend · 02/11/2014 21:41

I have no idea if he speeds or not. I do think that people should stick within the limits as they're there for a reason. Why do you ask?

OP posts:
BuckskinnedAstronaut · 02/11/2014 21:48

"There were numerous things you and your husband should have done. You did nothing."

What are the "numerous" things that the OP should have done? She didn't know he was planning to drive until after he'd already left, and he lives close enough that he'd have been home by the time she'd alerted the police.

simontowers2 · 02/11/2014 21:49

Because i think people get disproportionately worked up about drink driving. There are people on this thread desparate to somehow shop this guy but as was pointed out, he got home safe so no harm done. And there is no evidence that this is anything other than a one off. So why the big deal?

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