husband's friend drink drove on saturday

[bloodystupidfriend]

Name changed for this. I'm not a frequent poster but I am a regular reader.

Had a party for Halloween. DH' s friend came with his young daughter (6) and brought his car. He drunk over the course of the night an shot of absinthe (60% proof), a shot of sours and cans of lager. Enough to be over the drink drive limit anyway.

I needed to be up early so checked that everyone had booked taxis then went to bed. At around 1 I could hear a child crying and shouting at the door, I got up to see what was going on only to find that husband's friend had driven off with his daughter in the car.

Full disclosure here: my husband was convicted of drink driving when he was a teenager. He knows he did a stupid thing and tried desperately to stop his friend driving off. Friend would not listen and daughter was beginning to get distressed (this was the crying I could hear). I wish I'd been up as I would have stopped that stupid fuckwit from driving the car. To drive a car drunk is madness but to drive with your daughter inside - why?

I think you need to let the little girls mother her ex was over the limit.

It too late for the police so don't fret any more about that. If he drink drives regularly, unless you can let the police know immediately then you can't control what another person does.

Maybe your DH can talk to him when he is in a reasonable mood?

Otherwise not a lot can be done

@simon, no they are not my friends. My DH is a promotor and organises gigs. But even if they were my DH's friends, how does that implicate me in any way? They wouldn't be my friends for much longer.

Is that just a really poor attempt to divert the conversation from the fact that you would let a child drive off with a man believed to be drunk and not do anything because you feel the police should be left to do their jobs? Do you not report robberies either? Or fires? I wouldn't fancy you as my neighbour, that's for sure.

There is a big difference between reporting robberies tywin and actively stepping in to prevent them which is what you are suggesting should have been done with this guy re drink driving. I don't know the circumstances but i do know that sometimes if people are 'on one' there is no telling them otherwise. End of.

Simon

You said you knew the origins of the term hysterical. So you must know, that accusing people of being hysterical is to imply that what they are saying is somehow to be disregarded as a symptom of imbalance or irrationality associated with being a woman.

I find it ironic that you would use immoderate language like that towards people who are debating sensibly on the basis of logic, experience, and yes, a little emotion. Then accuse them of being hysterical.

simon just to clarify... Was the death of my DFIL the Police's fault for not being in the right place to stop the drink driver before she mowed him down?

Why is there a difference @simon? Both are crimes. Both have victims. Both are the job of the police to manage and yet you seem to think that the police intuitively know where the drink drivers are and will find them eventually.

Being part of a responsible society involves reporting crime. Drink driving included. I find your lax attitude to this abhorrent.

I am struggling tywin to understand whether you are deliberately not reading my posts and being disingenuous or whether your are just not that bright. Pls read my previous post again. Properly.
Yarp - seriously, you need to get out more if the word hysterical is such a big deal. Is there a context in which the word is acceptable (in your eyes)? Or is it totally off limits?
Trazz - who knows. I dont know the Circumstances. I think it is a bit silly to start throwing in stuff like that.

I am summarising your lax moral compass from your comments.

"I have said let the police do their job if this guy is a drink driver. Like they do their job with other people who break the law."
How are they to know a crime is taking place unless the public report it
"There are people on this thread desparate to somehow shop this guy but as was pointed out, he got home safe so no harm done."
People with good morals, who are desperate to shop someone committing a crime you mean?
"I just don't understand this need to interfere in other people's lives"
Even when those peoples actions could kill you, a family member, or the young child in the drivers car
"Should husband have tried to stop him? Personally i think no. He is not the law."
He isn't the law. But he is attempting to stop a crime taking place. Which is something you advise against

You can call me dim. I don't care. I would try my hardest to stop a man drive off in to the night to potentially kill people. You wouldn't do the same.

simontowers2 Don't revert to insults because you can't back up your POV. We get it, you don't think the prevention of crime is anyone else's problem expect the police.

Be man enough to say it & stop throwing around petty insults because you don't know what to say!

@differentnam - There is ringing the police to prevent crime and there is physically intervening. I would do the latter where appropriate and where i thought it might have an impact - although in the OP's case i dont think it would have made a difference - but i wouldnt physically intervene. Not worth it. We live in a litigious (sp?) age.

Well I physically intervened when I was 15...the guy was 21. I told him no way was he driving home after downing pints of scotch & coke all night.

Oddly enough, he never did it again.

@simon. So as the public we leave everything to the police to detect drunk drivers?

Even drunk drivers with small children in their cars without the knowledge and consent of the mother?

And we don't intervene or report them to the police and they go on to kill someone? Because the police will know the driver is drunk before the accident/murder? Didn't know they handed out a crystal ball with the uniform.

A reasonable person would not consider 10 miles over the speed limit the equivalent of 40 miles over or drink driving, although they are all wrong. There are degrees of immorality.

Do we also leave the police to do their job when we know someone in a school has a knife hidden in their bag and goes on to kill a teacher, or do we report it? Would you turn a blind eye when a colleague is robbing your company?

Your moral compass seems way off if you feel members of the public have no responsibility to other members of the community.

Reasoning with someone and attempting to talk them out of ruining their lives by drink driving is unlikely to be held against you in court. It's not a crime. If the drunk person struck you, again - that is their crime, not yours.

You seem unclear about how the law works simon.

Additionally, tywin seems to have tied you in knots because now you are suggesting you would call the police but would not physically intervene - despite implying the contrary earlier.

Who is not that bright now?

Trazz - who knows. I dont know the Circumstances. I think it is a bit silly to start throwing in stuff like that.

Well I understood from your posts that it is not someone's place as a concerned friend to try to stop a drink driver leaving, and that it should be left to the Police to stop the drink driver.

Therefore, I was asking you to clarify whether it follows that you consider my DFIL's death was at least partly the responsibility of the Police for not having come across and stopped the drink driver before she ploughed in to him.

It really only needs a yes or no answer, not the full run down of the exact events of the night. I sure as heck wish that, if she had been drinking with friends, they had taken her keys or called the Police on her.

It's easy to say oh well, no one was hurt in the OP's account but it's a little bit late to wait until someone is in hospital or in the morgue, isn't it?

@trazz - your In-law's death is the person who killed him responsibility. Obviously. Who knows if anybody actually tried to stop the lady who killed him from driving. They may well have done for all i know.
@ nomary - "reasonable person would not consider 10 miles over the speed limit the equivalent of 40 miles over or drink driving"
I totally beg to differ re the above. Speeding is treated far too leniently. Drink driving gets instant ban, speeding drivers just get a fine and or points. There is no comparison, one is stigmatised, the other isnt; and yet they are both equal in my eyes on the morality scale.
@whatwhat - i know exactly how the law works thanks.

SGB - I'm surprised at you. You say that 1 in 3 accidents are caused by alcohol? That is still 33 (and a third) people in every hundred killed or disabled by someone's alcohol intake. 33 people who would have normal lives, if they hadn't come into contact with another's alcohol intake.

Simon Would i be pissed off if a convicted drink driver tried to stop me driving as he thought i was over the limit? - A convicted drink driver (that is, someone who has paid the fine/done the time) is no different to anyone else. A convicted driver is not banned from commenting on drink-driving.

My dp was banned for a year for D/D - he was drinking at home, went to bed. Got a call early hours from a friend who was trying to get a drunken, paralytic mutual friend home. Dp jumped in the car (for literally 500yds) to do a favour, not realising he was still over the limit, got caught. So, he has no say in stopping another from driving under the influence? You are being ridiculous.

It seems to me @captainmummy that people caught over the limit always seem to have some excuse. It should have been obvious to your hub that he would prob still be over the limit in the early hours - what a frankly ridiculous thing to do, risking lives by drink driving so he could go play the big hero.

Quite, Simon. Which is why he doesn't drive after even a sniff of a drink now. He is quite entitled to attempt to stop anyone suspected of drink driving before then, and now. As a convicted drink/driver, or not.

And those who say 'it was only a short distance' - well, it was. 500 yds or so. No-one died, or even got hurt. He still got caught. My point is that he is still entitled to have a view on drink driving, as you seem to think he shouldn't.

Would you call the police if you saw a speeding driver @Simon?

"There is ringing the police to prevent crime and there is physically intervening. I would do the latter where appropriate"
When is there a more appropriate time than when a child is being driven off in a car by a drunk driver?

bizarre, why would anyone drive 500 yards at any time unless they were disabled?

Op I wouldn't invite him again but it sounds like this is unlikely.

Tobysmum - to collect a paralytic 'mate' who had fallen and was not moving. He was an idiot, agreed, and had major issues with trying to be the 'nice guy' to others. My point is that he is a perfect person to talk to a potential drink driver -! He lost his licence, could have lost his job, could have killed/injured someone - he KNOWS what it's like.

That is not being hypocritical. He's learn ed the hard way -if only someone had talked to him that night and dissuaded him.
(The 'mate' went on to kill himself through drink)

Simon

i get out quite enough ta. And who now is resorting to petty insults?

Simon. I personally don't care what you consider a greater or lesser crime. The vast majority would consider a few miles over the speed limit without accident or injury as something that happens every now and again to most drivers. It is still not right or legal but it is not a hanging offence. 40 mph over the limit is reckless and far more dangerous and drink driving has been proven extremely dangerous in many instances.

The law recognises this and penalises drunk drivers more heavily and higher speeds more than lower ones.

I agree on one thing and that speeding drivers who kill or injure should be given much more severe sentences than the slap on the wrist they do get. We don't need to minimise the act of drink driving but increase the sentences for speeding,