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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

For those who have followed my SIL threads, things have gotten a whole lot worse and I am so upset...

167 replies

Northerner · 19/09/2006 14:45

Deep breath.

So SIL asks me to ahve her kids 3 weekends in a row for sleepover, I say no, we'll do 2. 3 is too many.

She gets upset and speaks to MIL. MIL tells me SIL is upset. I am cross, MIL tells me to let SIL calm down.

Have spoken to SIL today who has called a meeting for me and her at her house tonight as she is upset and dissapointed in things I have been saying to MIL about her. What MIL has told her God only knows. Yes I have moaned about her in the past, but so has MIL, so why has she been stirring the s**t?

Have phone MIl she denied all knowledge and called us silly little girls, said she's sick of being in the middle and 'she'll see me around sometime'

I am so upset at work, and now have to face my SIL at her house tonight.

What a F**k up.

OP posts:
saggarmakersbottomknocker · 19/09/2006 18:01

This reply has been deleted

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cod · 19/09/2006 18:02

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cod · 19/09/2006 18:02

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theunknownrebelbang · 19/09/2006 18:03

She sounds just like my darling stepmama.

It's very tiresome.

Life's too short.

Ignore - it really confuses them.

IvortheEngine · 19/09/2006 18:10

8HO8= how. Isn't that pure cod (iyswim) Can it join Boden, 4, parp and the rest?

Good luck, Northerner. I can empathise with you in some regards. [sigh]

Freckle · 19/09/2006 18:37

Another tack to take is, once she has regaled you with whatever MIL is supposed to have said you said, deny having said it (even if you have said it) and act terribly hurt saying "How on earth can you believe I would say that about you??? After all the times that I have had your boys for you? Do you really believe I would say that ? I'm so hurt." Etc., etc.

Will make her doubt whatever MIL has said, feel awful for being so nasty to you, and hopefully will confer martyr status on you .

Original poster
Northerner · 19/09/2006 19:27

Thanks for the advice ladies, but I am going. If I don't she will read that as me having something to hide.

If someone tells you they are upset and want to talk I have to allow them that surely?

Dh and I had a good talk tonight and I feel strong enough to do this, defend myself and then walk away.

Wish me luck girls [papping myself emoticon]

OP posts:
CarolinaMoon · 19/09/2006 19:29

good luck Northerner

Miaou · 19/09/2006 19:30

Northerner, hope this goes well for you. You always come over as mature and fair-minded and I'm sure you can be the "bigger person" in this situation.

  • we're fight behind you
Original poster
Northerner · 19/09/2006 19:30

Lots of positive vibes my way at 8pm please

OP posts:
Miaou · 19/09/2006 19:31

That should read "we're right behind you"

(Freudian slip?!)

VeniVidiVickiQV · 19/09/2006 19:32

ROFL Miaou!

northerner, good luck girl. Nonchalont and couldnt careless.....

Original poster
Northerner · 19/09/2006 19:33

Thanks , that is nice.

VVV - yes she does know what happenned - christ if it had been her she's still be on bed rest now.

OP posts:
JoolsToo · 19/09/2006 19:34

have only read OP

is she calling the shots?

she has called a meeting - wtf!!?

it has to be at her house?

tell her you can't make it, if she has a problem she can come and see you!

wanderingstar · 19/09/2006 19:35

Good luck Northerner ! May the Power of Mumsnet be with you !

PS Keep us updated please.

theunknownrebelbang · 19/09/2006 19:38

Just don't take any crap from her.

StrawberryMoon · 19/09/2006 19:45

just saw this..how did it go?
FWIW..she sounds like she has too high an opinion of herself, she should be grateful of any help with her children and should politely accept what you offerd(imo she shouldnt 'want' to spend three consecutive weekends away from her children!)
you dh and his bro prob think the same as your dh and they will be fine whatever.
i really hope it went weel and you put her in her place!..she sounds like a child acting like a grown up when it suits!

kiskidee · 19/09/2006 19:51

only read the opening post but...

you sound like you have done a lot of appeasement and agreeing in the past to keep things smooth.

sometimes you have to say no. no matter who it is and how upset they are. stick to your guns. you sound like you have no favours to return to them. let them simmer and cool for a while. they are family and they have to come round some time. that is my philosophy. sometime people are just an emotional and physical drain and you have to say no. only after you give them their boundaries will they learn not to overstep it.

Miaou · 19/09/2006 19:58

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YeahBut · 19/09/2006 19:59

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cupcakes · 19/09/2006 20:02

you go girl!

Reece · 19/09/2006 20:22

Just read this thread.
What a shocker!!
SIL = DIVA
Can't stand them tbh.
MIL should keep her nose out. Anything that has gone on between the two of you is between the 2 of you.
Good Luck.

Saturn74 · 19/09/2006 20:29

SIL sounds like a real stroppy-tantrum-pants!

I hate it when adults act like children and expect to get away with it.

I also hate it when good natured, helpful people get made to feel like crap when they don't do exactly as the stroppy-tantrum-pants wants.

Grrr!

Go for it, Northerner!

('stroppy-tantrum-pants' is actually code for 'obnoxious, spoilt, trout-face, bitch from hell', but DS1 was reading the first bit of this post over my shoulder. Shhhh!)

SherlockLGJ · 19/09/2006 20:32

I think you should go.

However I think you should be meeting in Hedleys or the Tannin Level, busy but not noisy. Watch her make a scene in public......

Well Julie would chuck her out(well ask her to leave) of Hedleys and as for the Tannin level............

VeniVidiVickiQV · 19/09/2006 20:41

She's already there LGJ......

She is either having a huge barny or a laugh and a chat as we speak.....