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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

For those who have followed my SIL threads, things have gotten a whole lot worse and I am so upset...

167 replies

Northerner · 19/09/2006 14:45

Deep breath.

So SIL asks me to ahve her kids 3 weekends in a row for sleepover, I say no, we'll do 2. 3 is too many.

She gets upset and speaks to MIL. MIL tells me SIL is upset. I am cross, MIL tells me to let SIL calm down.

Have spoken to SIL today who has called a meeting for me and her at her house tonight as she is upset and dissapointed in things I have been saying to MIL about her. What MIL has told her God only knows. Yes I have moaned about her in the past, but so has MIL, so why has she been stirring the s**t?

Have phone MIl she denied all knowledge and called us silly little girls, said she's sick of being in the middle and 'she'll see me around sometime'

I am so upset at work, and now have to face my SIL at her house tonight.

What a F**k up.

OP posts:
cod · 19/09/2006 16:40

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Northerner · 19/09/2006 16:41

Bless you Cod! Yes you ahve summed it up in your own funny way.

OP posts:
cod · 19/09/2006 16:42

Message withdrawn

cod · 19/09/2006 16:43

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Original poster
Northerner · 19/09/2006 16:45

She reckons it not that that's teh issue anymore, it is what MIL has told her apparantly.

OP posts:
FioFio · 19/09/2006 16:46

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lemonaid · 19/09/2006 16:47

Really, I'd leave your MIL out of it -- don't "tackle" her after SIL. Your MIL may feel she has to say yes to them and then moan to you, but then you feel you have to say yes to them and then moan to your MIL (if I'm interpreting your earlier posts correctly). Your MIL's not perfect, but few are and she doesn't sound as loopy as your SIL. Make the most of that and don't antagonise her.

See your SIL, be either friendly or civil depending on how it's going but be firm, don't get drawn into any big strops, don't get emotional. If she starts getting into a major strop, just say "I don't think it's going to be constructive to carry on this conversation at the moment" and leave (BIG plus of its being at her house -- it may be her territory, but it means you can leave. Imagine if it were in your house and you couldn't get rid of her?) And don't criticise your MIL to her.

Original poster
Northerner · 19/09/2006 16:47

But she thinks she is not squabling. She thinks it's only me.

God I'm 30 and listen to me.....

OP posts:
FioFio · 19/09/2006 16:48

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
Northerner · 19/09/2006 16:49

I am going to defend myself and to retreive any relationship for dh and his bro.

OP posts:
SSSandy · 19/09/2006 16:50

dh says he and his db can sort things out their end, so don't worry about that.

What though would YOU ideally like the outcome of this evening with SIL to be?

Mercy · 19/09/2006 16:59

Northerner, I don't know the history of your relationhsip with your SIL but going by what you've said here, there's nothing to defend, you've done nothing wrong!

Agree with Sandy, if dh and his brother are having problems they can sort it out between themselves.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 19/09/2006 17:01

Northerner, does she know you have had a hard time recently?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 19/09/2006 17:01

Im kinda with Cod here too.

Freckle · 19/09/2006 17:08

Go over (as you've decided that you will) with an open bottle of wine in your hand; walk into the house and say "where are the glasses?"; pour 2 drinks and say "A toast to MILs who certainly know how to make a mountain out of a molehill". All with a big grin.

Would probably take the wind out of her sails and pre-empt any attack.

Also, curious as to how she found someone else to take her boys as such short notice, which rather begs the question as to why she wanted you to have them 3 weekends in a row......

FioFio · 19/09/2006 17:09

This reply has been deleted

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 19/09/2006 17:10

oh yes, it is..

Interesting point about the short notice, freckle....might be worth casually mentioning.....

SSSandy · 19/09/2006 17:13

bet the kids are with MIL

kimi · 19/09/2006 17:27

What a stupid woman, i would be kissing the feet of anyone who would have my two for two weekends running, not throwing a strop cause they would not have them a 3rd.
Why does she want to dump her kids so much anyway?
Does she not think you might like some quilty time with YOUR family and not have to babysit hers?
As for your MIL i would ask your DH to ask her why she started stiring.
I would tell her you do not appricate being "sent for" like a naughty 4 year old, and she needs to raise her own children not palm them off on you.

I have posted about my SIL before who really is a cow, so much so DH has told her she is dead to him and he will have no more to do with her.

Good luck

cod · 19/09/2006 17:35

Message withdrawn

VeniVidiVickiQV · 19/09/2006 17:36

Absolutely - this woman sounds like she wants another drama. She must have a pretty dull life.

cod · 19/09/2006 17:38

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cod · 19/09/2006 17:40

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wanderingstar · 19/09/2006 17:45

Don't go - say something's come up, eg ds has a nosebleed/has fallen out of a tree and you don't want to leave him or bring him to her house. say this in a friendly but brisk way then put the phone down
Why on earth thrash all this out and most likely poison the atmosphere further ?
Your mil looks like she's spoiling to watch the fight too..
Your dh and his brother can, as he says, sort themselves out.

Please walk away. That will baffle and infuriate her, and you'll look and feel mature and dignified.

cupcakes · 19/09/2006 17:48

oh what a painful woman.
agree with everyone who recommends nonchalence. If she wants a fight just laugh and act as if it is the most trivial ridiculous thing.

And then let us know what she says.

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